In good times and in sad
My late father taught me that it is important to be there for others not just during good times, but especially in sad — because that is when they need you the most. My late Abuelita Caring had one peculiar habit. She made a daily ritual of reading the papers, going straight to her favorite section, the obituary. During those days there was no text messaging or Internet. Tirelessly, my grandmother would call her friends one by one on the telephone to inform them of the passing of this and that friend or relative. She then made it her priority to visit the bereaved family. In my youth, I found this habit rather strange, but today I don’t. It seems I have even inherited it.
For now I have a strange confession to make. There are times when I have chosen to attend wakes and funerals over parties. To me, it just seems more meaningful since the pain of losing a loved one invites you into the heart of a family. The outpouring of love, comfort and support from family and friends makes this sad occasion a beautiful one. I also love listening to eulogies because they convey the most endearing messages of love, hope, gratitude and goodness. In some cases, death somehow breaks barriers and brings family and friends closer to one another.
A peaceful death is just as precious as a blessed life. I had this in mind while I was talking to Mrs. Isabel Cojuangco-Suntay who recently lost her mother, Josephine Murphy Cojuangco, at 98. Tita Isabel’s mother, a strong willed woman who was widowed at 42, was able to successfully raise six children.
“My eldest brother Danding said, ‘I may carry the name of my father (Eduardo Cojuangco Sr.) but all that I am, I owe to my mother’.”
Tita Isabel said her mother was a disciplinarian. “But she was also very loving.” Because of so much love she got from her mother, Tita Isabel gave back the same amount of love to her until her dying day. They were always together, for many moments of their lives, they were hardly apart from each other. Tita Isabel’s daughter Isa also grew up showered with that love. And on the last night of the wake, she couldn’t bear to leave her Lola alone in the chapel. This is understandable because Isa, her mother and grandmother were inseparable — traveling together, living together, loving together.
I used to be uneasy during wakes because I didn’t quite know what to say to the bereaved. But 11 years ago, when my own parents passed away, I greatly appreciated those who came to support us. I learned then that no words were even necessary because the presence alone of those who condoled with us already said so much. I also received much comfort from those who came and made me laugh or shared a story or a little anecdote or two about my parents and how they touched their lives.
Aside from paying your last respects, the death of someone also gives you the chance to express your gratitude. So, when I heard about the passing of Francisco “Paking” Rabat, 74, former governor of Davao Oriental and well loved former mayor of Mati, Davao, a basketball star of the Ateneo de Manila University and a member of the Philippine team who brought home a bronze medal during the Brazil Olympics in 1954, I came to condole with his widow Edith Nakpil-Rabat, a former beauty queen. Tita Edith was there when we lost our parents. I gave her back the comfort she clothed us with during our loss. In my own little way, I was there to give her family a piece of strength to ease their pain.
One of the biggest fears of every child is losing his or her parents. Sadly though, death is one reality of life that we must all inevitably face. I don’t mean to sound like a prophet of doom. I just want to assure you that when this happens, as it did to me, God will provide you the grace to get through the pain.
This is the same grace that my good friend Sarina Fores received when her father Fernando Geronimo Fores, 73, passed away recently. Two years ago, Sarina lost her mom, Tita Noemi, making her and only sister Acie total orphans.
During the wake, Sarina told me about a beautiful dream of Paloma, her seven-year-old niece.
Paloma said her Lolo and Lola appeared to her in her dream telling her to relay the message to her mom Acie not to worry because they were very happy in heaven. Paloma said her grandparents had wings as they joyfully toured her around heaven. They even bought her a skateboard. Paloma told them she had to be back by
This dream brought comfort and assurance to Sarina and her family that their parents are now happy together, in their beautiful home in heaven where one day, they would all be reunited.
We are all created in this life for a purpose. God provides us certain talents and abilities as well as resources to fulfill all that he wants us to do.
And for the father of my batchmate and friend Lizette Banzon-Cojuangco, what the Creator wanted Conrado Pizarro Banzon, 85, to fulfill on earth was to become a devoted husband, father, son, grandfather, brother, uncle and friend, whose dynamic presence was a source of strength and stability for the lives of people he touched.
“He loved his vocation as a doctor, that’s why we call him ‘Papa Doc.’ He loved being a leader and a peacemaker in the medical field. He had always put his God and family at the center of his life,” said son Marcel Banzon, who is also a doctor.
Marcel added: “Dad told us, ‘Alagaan ninyong mabuti ang nanay ninyo (Please take very good care of your mother).’ Dad, until the end, expressed his infinite love and fidelity to his wife. He is the epitome of love.”
In parting, he shared some valuable lessons learned from his father, which included: “Don’t take your parents for granted;” “Love them always;” “Serve them well;” and “Say you love them as often as you can.”
Beyond our sadness, death allows us to celebrate and appreciate the beauty of life. Death ends a life on earth but not our relationships because the memories left behind by our loved ones remain alive in our hearts forever. God gives us the grace of remembering. And as we continue to remember our loved ones, we continue to celebrate their lives.
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