I know. It’s been too long.
Yup. Life is quite what parents, especially mothers, do say about how it would be. You always had a way of saying it, not really from the pulpit. More like straight from the frying pan onto my bedside. Haha! I can almost always read your mind when we had those talks, "Are you taking this down? God, you better believe it girl or you’ll surely get it as SCORCHING as I did. Ooouucchhh." Oh yes, I did take visual notes of how it was when you made your own mistakes when I was young. You probably never thought I noticed. Like the time you always brought me to your friend’s place. You did her interior renovations and decoration for free "out of friendship" with her, remember? I’d go to that house straight from school and you’d have chats with her till late night. Then I remember you getting very upset about something you heard she was saying about you. Well, you know, I didn’t really think you were revealing secrets like THAT to her. I just noticed you would twitch whenever she would say, "Naku, ang ganda ng anak ni Celia. Kamukhang-kamukha ng ama" and thought that was the extent of your unspoken hostility towards her. It was many years after, when I was already working in the government station in the eighties when you said, "Never reveal very personal and family secrets to anyone. Friends today are always potential enemies tomorrow." I swear you hadn’t read Sun Tzu ever. But you and Sun Tzu might be right. Fortunately for me, even as I constantly break that promise to you – yes, there have been moments of regret – but there had been worthwhile risks I took, too. Remember my friends from grade school to high school to college who I used to bring to the house? Can you imagine what Meca, Mylene, Rica and the rest look like now? They’re still my friends. I’ve made new friends, too, over the years. Not too many more – but quality choices. And they’ve kept my secrets. As for the rest – okay, okay – you TOLD me so.
What about the time when I was playing in the kitchen and saw one of your dreadful passport pictures in the cupboard and behind it was written "Ito si Ate Celia, mabait kapag tulog." Hahaha! Sorry! That was particularly hilarious.I also remember agreeing with the maid who used that photo as an icon in her room (maybe to use as a dartboard? Or to chant voodoo prayers to?). You had just grounded me from playing outside because I didn’t do my school homework too many times. And the maid was the one who always stayed away too long at a time because she was cozy with the security guard and you told them off. Many years later you said to me, "You don’t have to give them lavish gifts. Just being kind to them and giving them their due is enough. Don’t waste your time scolding them. Just let them go."
Many years later I know how it broke your heart and how it hurt you so to see me victimized by the maid who I was actually kind to – and who just so happened received lavish gifts from me as well. I tell you that one backfired. Turns out she DIDN’T want me to let her go. And so I was milked dry to the brink of death by the newspapers after she went to town with the fury of a woman who imagined she was scorned by her employer. I tell you, Mom, writers are capable of doing a great deal trying to make a buck on someone else’s expense in the guise of "just doing their job." Remember when we were talking in your bedroom about The Philippine Star and how they decided not to carry the lies the maid and her lawyer were peddling? I compare it with, say, Fox News (yes, CNN finally has formidable competition) sifting through piles of information and choosing legitimate news over garbage. I know. It was outrageous but you did tell me yourself, "People love success but hate successful people." From Dad it was: "Give a million pesos to a disloyal person and he’ll surely betray you. But give 10 pesos to a loyal person and he’s sincerely yours forever." Well, it’s been years since that issue died a natural death. It’s funny the papers that carried the lies in bold Page One headlines buried the developments of that case in Page Nowhere. But God is Great. How could it happen that we find out this same maid victimized the cousin of my boss and performed her modus operandi the exact same way as she did with me? Remember? She also cried "physical injury" when what she actually did was hurl herself to the floor and against the walls and screamed for help! And only because she was being asked to settle her debts with the other househelp? Insane, I tell you. We never really discussed it much again but did you ever know the case was thrown out of the fiscal’s office almost the minute it was filed because there was "not even an iota of evidence to support the claims." As per the fiscal’s resolution? The newspapers said she sustained "severe head injuries." In truth, she had small bruises in some areas of her self-beaten body, the worst of which was a deeper shade of black and blue in her ELBOW. I can almost feel you telling me: "Korina, do you REALLY think you should be bringing up this dead and buried issue again?" Mom, I’m not resurrecting the dead. But there WAS an autopsy report. I’m just reading out important details. And you know there wasn’t anything I could’ve done to avoid that, right? Who would have imagined the maid from h– would come knocking on my door? I hope you’re proud of me I’ve decided to drop the charges against her. Poor thing. She deserves proper help – the psychiatric kind. As for her lawyer, now, THAT’S non-negotiable. I’m pursuing it all the way up. And the IBP case is finally coming through. Your voice still resonates in my memory. "Don’t worry too much. God will take care of you. He knows your heart." As it often is, you were right.
Hey, speaking of the Supreme Court and journalists, I’m dying to know what you would’ve told me about Proclamation 1017. Especially Dad. He was so into these political issues. It’s been unnerving, worrisome, scandalous even. I do think it’s a peculiar stage in the development of this fledgling democracy. All the institutions are testing the limits of their powers. The President, the Police, Media, Congress, the Supreme Court. In a way I think it’s necessary a phase to go through. It’s like we can’t get to chapter 12 without going through chapter 9. Or imagine any of your kids growing up, doesn’t Philippine Democracy, reborn in 1986, remind you of a young person approaching puberty? Identity crisis, finding a place in this world, an awkward stance, absence of grace, rebellion, lots of growing pain. Oh my, meaning, yes, Mom. Looks like it’s going to get worse before it gets better. There’s a lot of adventure and experimenting going on and the system has got to learn and learn well before nothing much can be done to reform. For us journalists who are at the receiving end of government’s exploration, I do feel it is a time for genuine introspection. While government, whose powers are not absolute, is painfully checked and balanced so are our freedoms, as citizens and journalists, not without bounds. I think it’s good we’re fighting against suppression. I do sometimes think whoever’s calling the shots up there in Malacañang is just going nuts. But, even if we don’t admit it, it’s important to realize what lines have to be drawn for EVERYONE. You said it best. "If not in the Law, the rules of Heaven certainly apply to everyone at every instance."
Speaking of Heaven, how’s the weather up there? You know us kids are not quite over the bizaare fact that we lost both you and Dad just a couple of months apart. I mean we knew we’d lose one of you sometime but that, siyempre naman, the other would stay on for a while longer. Honestly I thought you would stick around at least 20 years after Dad. In the hospital, did you hear everyone saying, "Mom, don’t go"? But, the diva that you are, you just went when the cue was called. You ARE stubborn. But that’s the YOU we know to be flawed and beautiful all at once. In acknowledging you were as human as anyone else do, we all value your caliber. This is a particular favorite of mine that you said to me several times when the going went tough, "Your mettle is tested not in times of convenience but in adversity. In times of great difficulty do you prove yourself with most integrity both in the eyes of man and God."
It’s been more than crazy the past two years. But it hasn’t really been as crazy a time as it’s been tough. It’s tough you’re not around to hold my hand through most of it. But I know you’re happy that I’m writing. And for our favorite paper! You always said I should go back to writing. I still have to get around to getting that Law degree, though. One miracle at a time, okay? Hey, we should do this regularly. Say, once a month catch up on things? Too bad I get to do all the writing. I promise to be fair. How couldn’t I be? Your love and wisdom I try to keep with me especially when it matters. You’re my hero, Mom. I love you and I miss you.