Blame it on the fast-paced world we live in, many people have forgotten how to be thoughtful and considerate. Many have developed a 24/7 obsession with their profession or possession that they have become "I" specialists – their every day is filled with I, me, myself, and that can come in any order. There’s nothing wrong about thinking of one’s welfare. But it is also not correct and fair to be insensitive about other people.
Consider this: A waiter came to work 20 minutes late when in fact he knew very well that the restaurant where he worked for had a grand function on that day. Before he could explain himself, the manager scolded him from head to foot. When finally he was given the chance to reason out, he just said: "Sorry Sir, but I had to make sure that my mother would have a decent funeral before I left the house. She died last night. And I needed to report for work today because I knew I also had a responsibility here." The manager profusely apologized. The waiter just cried.
What you have just read truly happened to one of my friends. I always use his story to elucidate to the people I love how important it is to be considerate. Things happen for many a reason. Getting angry right away is not part of the solution. In fact, blowing your top instantaneously is a waste of time, let alone energy. When you’re mad, negative forces inside and outside your system congregate. It’s like a feast of vile bile circulating in your veins that will soon explode to become a source of another major catastrophe. That’s anger. You think it’s healthy to scream out your anger? Think again. Nothing beats talking it out as diplomatically as possible. People choose to scream because they think power is measured by the decibel of their voice. They yell because they think their garish articulation of their anger registers respect. They, however, do not realize that there’s much power in doing things the gentle way.
I don’t get mad. I also don’t get even. I’m not a saint. I’m still a sinner like the man or woman standing next to you. When I feel, however, that I am about to be consumed by negative vibes, I only close my eyes and count one to 77. One... two... three... four... five... six... seven... By the time I reach 77, I have already converted my energies into something productive. While counting, I think of this: If we go by the logic that man was created in the image of love and hope and everything bright and beautiful, ergo, it’s a fallacy, let alone a contradiction, to get angry. It’s better to give and think of love, hope, compassion and everything bright and beautiful than to gnash my teeth in anger.
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One of my friends asked me the other day why I love giving homemade red eggs, flowers, lettuce, rosary beads, among other things, to some of my colleagues, many of them I am not really familiar with.
"I find so much joy in giving," I simply said.
"Even if they don’t ask anything from you?" he continued.
"You don’t have to wait for them to ask for something from you. You don’t have to know them personally to give them something."
"What do you expect in return?"
"Nothing. A simple thank you will do. But if I don’t hear that, I won’t take it against them. In fact, they don’t even have to thank me because it is from my own volition that I give them something."
"That’s weird!" he said.
"I’m just different," I countered. "I want to give people little surprises every day. Nothing beats the joy of giving and seeing in their eyes how happy they are that someone thought of them that day."
The art of giving is done without necessarily thinking of the rewards you will reap afterwards. It is not about earning pogi or ganda points in heaven. To give is to impart yourself to others; therefore, you don’t count what you give. The minute you count it, the essence of giving is lost. The same way with helping – you help without necessarily obligating the person to be beholden to you. Kapag nanumbat ka sa mga itinulong mo sa kaniya, bayad na siya. Ikaw naman ngayon ang may utang sa kaniya.
I admit, however, that surprises and thoughtfulness are not confined to giving red eggs and garden salad or chocolates and roses. They come in different packages like a smile to a stranger, a phone call to a long lost friend, an appreciation for a job well done by a colleague, a simple note to your Mom posted on the ref saying how much you appreciated her sinigang.
Surprises and thoughtfulness are also found in putting toothpaste on your husband’s toothbrush, in combing the hair of your wife before going to bed, in assisting an old man who finds it hard to cross the street, in giving up a seat on the bus or on the MRT to a lady or to a young kid or even to a person who is as old as you, in allowing someone to overtake your car even on an almost grid-locked thoroughfare.
"That’s corny. Get real!" my friend "assailed" me again.
"Well, it’s better to be corny than to be thoughtless. After all, thoughtlessness is the twin brother of nothingness," I quickly replied.
Many people feel empty – to the point that they register bareness and barrenness in their miens – because they have too much of themselves and not even have too little for others. Thoughtfulness is a precious gift and there’s joy in giving it.
What can be more real than that?
(The joy of giving is a miracle of life. For your new beginnings, e-mail me at bumbaki@yahoo.com. You may also snail mail me at The Philippine Star, c/o Allure section, R. Oca Jr. cor. Railroad Sts., Port Area Manila. Have a blessed Sunday.)