Riding the wave

Toddlers are always a delight to watch because in their bubbling innocence, they allow all their emotions to be expressed unhampered. They scream, cry, gurgle with laughter, expressing the whole gamut of human emotions – anger, exuberance, joy, sometimes all of them round-robin in one whole minute!

Kids do not know anything about suppressing emotions. Thus, the flow of their emotional energy is steady and strong. This emotional energy is deeply connected to their physical energy and both are as transparent as glass. When we watch kids, we can sometimes get caught in their little emotional expressions or outbursts, joining them in their joy and laughter as they connect to something deep, deep inside us. Suddenly, we find ourselves stooping or going down on our hunches, echoing their goo-goo and gaa-gaa sounds, totally free as they are, entering into their world, into a moment of being in touch with our own emotional core. Then suddenly, we get up and look around to see if someone else saw how silly we made ourselves look like.

In our adulthood, we have made it an art, a great skill to repress, suppress and control our emotions. Nothing comes out spontaneously from us anymore. Our emotional energy body has become a prisoner inside. If we suppress these emotions (especially the lower, negative ones) too much for too long, we can actually get sick or depressed. We bottle everything up and just pretend it is not there.

Until one day, a surging wave of deep, deep lower emotions – grief, anger, loneliness, pain – name them all – comes from somewhere deep within our belly or heart. We try to muster all our mental faculties to control the wave of emotions, pursing our lips, holding our breath. Try as we might to use all our will, the subterranean power of our subconscious or unconscious will always be in control. The deep patterning of repressed emotions rises from cell memories at our core and no rationalization or intellectualization will champion over it.

When this emotional wave comes, while there are physical manifestations in the body, it is energy "inside" the physical body that is moving. We may either begin to hold our breath, breathe rapidly, purse our lips, feel the tightening of the chest or diaphragm. Adrenaline may pump, the heart beat faster, the mind race wildly. We are suddenly caught in the twilight zone about to drown in this tsunami of an emotion. Our feeling body had made its self felt, escaping from its prison, pulsating like a wave inside and through our body for us to take notice. Feelings begin to "wash over us" like a wave. What actually is happening here in the feeling body’s statement to be noticed is that a blocked energy center inside us has opened up and released the emotions. The appearance of this uncontrollable wave is the other part of us – the emotional body – trying to align with the physical body. What connects both bodies is the breath. Yes, just the breath. Breath, after all, is energy (chi to the Chinese, prana to the yogis). The breath is the only process that aligns us to the outside and inside worlds, as it goes in and out our body. Breathing is also both voluntary and involuntary. Changing our breathing patterns has direct impact on our feeling nature. We have fast breaths of terror (chest breathing) or of love, we have deep melancholic sighs, we have syncopated breaths (again chest breathing only) as we try to choke back sobs or we have deep even breaths as we lie next to our lover (diaphragmic breathing or breathing into the diaphragm and into the lungs).

Deep diaphragmic and belly breathing regulate the breath, balances, opens up, controls and finally, channels the flow of energy/the life force in our emotional bodies. It is the breath we must focus on when in doubt or confusion of any next action to do.

When we begin to feel this wave coming, just stop to breathe deeply – deep belly breathing that in turn will soften the belly. As we continue this, the breath regulates the mind and in turn, we can relax a little and be aware of the nature of the emotion, identify where it came from. Suddenly we are "present" with the emotion – just being totally there with it. Feel it all. This is when we can say that we are riding the wave. The next step would be to try to step back and call forth the Witnessing Self, the Higher Self (who watches all the dramas of our lives) and begin to witness or watch the emotions we feel – with no judgment. Just observe. This is when we know we are really surfing! Finally, just allow it to run its course and let it all flow. Flowing would mean to either end up crying or releasing the emotion in any which way is natural. To stop this last process of flow is one of the most detrimental things we can do to ourselves as this would send back the emotions deep inside to wait the next chance for it to be released once more with greater force and intensity. We have also prevented an aspect of our self-healing to come about.

In the course of mastering ourselves and bringing ourselves into wholeness, let us try to catch ourselves during out next emotional wave and be more aware. Breathe, relax, feel, witness-watch and flow (release).

(E-mail me at jej1@easycall.com.ph)