Internet lovers

Dear Dr. Nina Halili-Jao,

Please help me. This problem has been bugging me for the past month.

In 1972, I had a very close friend but for some reason, our relationship didn’t bloom into love. After 30 years, our paths crossed again through the Internet. We are now in our mid-forties and are both happily married. I have three teenagers and my husband has been working in Dubai for almost 20 years now.

My friend lives in Vancouver with his two small sons and wife. In his e-mails, he confessed his true feelings which he has been keeping since our teenage years. He told me he was madly in love with me then but just didn’t have the courage to tell me. His confessions drew an avalanche of tears from my eyes because the words he said were the very same words I had been longing to hear from him then. Since then, we became very intimate. We exchanged passionate e-mails and he sends at least 10 to 20 text messages a day. We are now so madly in love but our distance keeps the relationship platonic. He wanted to have "phone sex" but I refused. We look forward to the future when we can both spend the rest of our lives together. We believe God will be kind to us and give us a chance to be together. I feel guilty since my husband is coming home for good after spending the best years of his life working for us.

Thanks a lot.

Aubrey

Dear Aubrey,

I think that you must be very lonely since your husband has been working abroad for almost two decades now. You have not mentioned your feelings for your husband, especially when he returns to the country for his vacation. I also wonder about the quality of your friend’s married life. Anyway, if he is equally as lonely as you, the preoccupations with sending love e-mail messages to you, his alleged true love, is understandable. However, since your friend is living with his wife, I’m not quite convinced of his sincerity and of his loneliness.

You know, Aubrey, the distance between you and your friend is perhaps a blessing because it has actually prevented you from falling into the temptations of your persistent Internet suitor, considering your married status. If you can tell me outrightly that you have totally fallen out of love with your spouse and that you are 100 percent sure of the true love and sincerity of your friend, then I would tell you to go ahead and consult your lawyer so you can file for annulment.

But Aubrey, if it is just loneliness–which is what I suspect–then definitely this is not the right time to decide to end your marriage to your overseas-employed spouse. You also have to think of your children’s reactions. Please talk it over first with a marriage counselor or a shrink before taking any legal action.

Aubrey, you said you were happily married. Don’t you want to remain that way? Are you not looking forward to a blissful reunion with your husband when he returns for good from Dubai? Why don’t you try sending e-mail messages to your spouse? Try to rekindle the flame of your love for your husband by reminding yourself of why you fell in love with him and why you decided to marry him. Who knows, he might send you even more passionate e-mails!

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Happy birthday to my dearest mom, Remedios Warren-Halili! Belated happy birthday to my sister, Berna, and advanced happy birthday to my other sister, Odette!

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