To Kakai Manotok, Dato Arroyo was a presence that was as calming as the soft light of sunrise. To Dato, youngest son of President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo and First Gentleman Jose Miguel Arroyo, Kakai was kindess personified.
For supermodel Tina Maristela-Ocampo, Rico was the friend and suitor who patiently stood by her, picking her up after shoots or fashion shows, even driving her to restaurants where she was to meet a boyfriend for lunch.
A kiss turned DSWD Secretary Dinky Soliman’s friendship with best buddy Hector from friendship to love. Ayen Munji-Laurel mistook Franco for a 16-year-old kid. Laura Verallo de Bertotto’s first impression of Argentinean Juampi was that he was a complete idiot.
So much for auspicious beginnings!
To Kakai, Dato’s patience and homespun values are a perennial plus. "I was sure Dato was the one when he didn’t give up on me despite my temper! He really helped me mellow. I find myself wanting to become a better person because of him. We also share the same views on family and relationships. He has good, old-fashioned values, which are not commonplace these days. I know he’ll be the perfect husband and father."
Kakai’s consideration for others left an indelible mark on Dato, the video game addict who could spend hours pouring over accessories for his Playstation and X-Box.
"I appreciate the way she easily adapts to any situation. Whether discussing financial issues with my father, talking about different cultures with foreign dignitaries, or eating isaw and fish balls in UP or Pansol, Kaks never looks out-of-place. She has no qualms about going anywhere or talking to anyone; hindi pa-sosyal. As they say in the vernacular, ‘koboy‘ talaga. She also has a genuine concern for other people. She sees to it that the drivers, security, household help, waiters, etc. are treated well. When we go out, she makes sure the driver and the security have food to eat, or money to buy food. She makes sure everyone else is okay before she takes care of herself."
For soon-to-be married Kakai and Dato, acceptance of one’s partner is a key ingredient to the success of a relationship. Kaki shares, "I think patience, honesty, and total acceptance of your partner are vital. I think one of the reasons Dato and I have lasted this long is because he is very patient with me. I used to have a quick temper, but he endured that and even helped me mellow. Honesty is another building block that should not be ignored. Nurture honesty in the relationship and you will never have reason to doubt or be jealous. If you love someone you shouldn’t try to mold him or her into your idea of perfection. There should also be a lot of laughter between you, as this will keep the relationship going even after physical attraction dies down. It also helps to have common activities so you have a lot of quality time together. Dato and I took street fighting together for about six months. It hardly counts as a "date" when you’re learning how to punch with force or when you’re trying to kick someone’s face, but we enjoyed it thoroughly and became even closer while we were learning the skills.
Dato backs up Kakai’s take on acceptance as an important part of a relationship. "If you want to have a relationship with someone just like you, then you should just buy a mirror. Once you accept the other person, complete with all the "imperfections," it will definitely be easier to get along with each other. You should also be able to laugh at the same things. As time passes, you will find that you cannot be too serious all the time. Laughter will hold you and your partner together. Kung magmamasungit at magseseryoso kayo palagi, mag-aaway lang kayo eh."
You still need to live your own life. It’s not healthy to turn your back on everything you used to have–old friends, old routines, etc–and just build your life around your significant other. In my opinion, it’s not just unhealthy- it’s pathetic."
Rico sees his wife beyond her stylish appearance. "People see Tina as a fashion icon but one thing they do not know is that she is a very hands-on Mom. She really listens to our children and is sensitive to their needs. She also is a caring partner not only in our personal life but also in business. I have asked her to come out of retirement, as I really need her input in our ever-growing enterprise. She agreed to do so even if she was already happy where she was. I appreciate this sacrifice."
For Tina, Rico’s sensitivity to her feelings is key. "Rico always puts me and the kids first. He consults with me in all matters. Sometimes we argue about certain issues but these are very constructive discussions that oftentimes bring out the best results in our personal and business affairs."
For Tina, marriage was the soothing destination that capped her highflying single days. "I did all I wanted to do when I was single. Marriage gave me new challenges and a new dimension in my life. I am thankful for this."
There are many ways to cut the cheese of love. As our five couples have attested, the essence of a union is not in the portions in which it is sliced but in the savoring of every morsel!
Hec offers this insight on the DSWD secretary, "People always know her as the strong, principled and tireless worker. Not many know that she is also very vulnerable. She sometimes feels as though she is being taken advantage of because of her being mabait. She does not like being used in this sense." He however is quick to point out the qualities that he finds special in her. "She has always been malambing, sobrang bait, but also quite intelligent and principled. When we went steady, I got to know more about her personal side, meaning that she was sensitive to the needs of her partner. Lucky for me! It was fantastic to have all of these qualities rolled into one person."
Dinky stresses the importance of friendship in a relationship. "Our being friends allowed romance to be heady, fun and giddy without the fear of waking up to find a person you really did not know."
Dinky entered into marriage without any illusions. "I got into marriage with an open mind and heart. I knew it was a journey that would enable us to discover each other more intensely. As a civic worker and a human rights lawyer, we give back the blessings and love of our relationship to a wider community and society." She adds, "A relationship lasts because you help your partner become the best that he or she can be. Being a dynamic process, you accept changes in marriage as a part of life. Change can enhance a relationship. Marriage becomes greater when you can laugh and dance with each other, be quiet together, argue, debate and agree to differ in opinion. Hec (who is a poet, great dancer and funky guy!) and I share the same values of social justice, truth, freedom and values of democratic child rearing. We make it a point to talk to each other no matter how tired we are. We also make it a point to pray together."
Franco recognizes in his wife, the fun-loving, adventurous qualities that inspire him. "Ayen is a very sensitive woman. She initially appears to be a quiet girl but truly is such a fun loving person. She knows how to appreciate people regardless of who they are or where they came from. She does not like to gossip! She also loves to eat! I guess that is one of the many common things we enjoy doing!"
Devout Christians Ayen and Franco put God as the foundation in their marriage. Through their faith, they have recognized that there is not such thing as a perfect person or marriage. " I remember I used to pray to God to give me a God-fearing man. But surprise! God gave me a man who loves God!" Ayen shares. Franco relates, "Ayen and I are deeply focused in our faith and we love each other more and have accepted each other completely!
As with all people in love, certain qualities stand out that make the beloved shine. Juampi was most impressed with fiery Laura’s honesty. "People find out about my wife’s traits and qualities very quickly–what you see is what you get. I love her beauty, intelligence, sense of humor, loyalty, creativity, sensitivity, spirituality and the fact that I enjoy being with her more than anything else."
To Laura, Juampi is the composite of the ideal, sensitive man. "I tend to be very angst-ridden. Juampi has a down-to-earth quality about him. He does not get anxious or nervous. He’s solid and calming. I need that in my life–an anchor–someone to call home. Juampi is not a guy; he is a man. (There’s a) big difference. A lot of guy things don’t apply to him–he doesn’t get jealous, has never been in a fight, doesn’t flirt with women, and doesn’t understand girlie bars. He is still masculine; he loves to go camping and is very sports minded. To me, a man is, much less in need of proving his virility or strength or desirability.
Each of the married couples see marriage from various angles. Although the experience of marriage was much better than expected for Laura, she stresses that it is the relationship more than the marital ritual that is important. "I never use to look at marriage as a good thing. In fact, it was something I actively vilified. Juampi and I lived together for a while before getting married and to us, that was marriage. Neither of us cared for the piece of paper. We later however, did get married. I grew up only seeing women make themselves secondary to their husbands and their children. Even the successful, impressive, diva-women I knew lost themselves in marriage. And when they didn’t, the marriage ended. That did not happen in my case."