Secrets to a lasting relationship

To all young lovers who are starting to prepare for marriage, here are some tips from people who I consider experts in marital bliss.

"I have only one practical tip to give to those who want to keep a lasting relationship and that is to try to get to know the person’s character as completely as you can, including the ‘attitudes and quirks’ before you decide to commit to that relationship. If after bouts of these, you still find yourself loving him/her, then that is the first giant step towards your goal. If you believe that you accept everything about this person, then you are ready to share the rest of your life with him/her with a big chance of surviving all odds." – Susan Gaddi-Campos, model, married 26 years to businessman, Bunny Campos.

"To the women, remain physically attractive and beautiful. To the men, be rich and generous. Keep away from each other when you get into heated arguments to prevent further aggravating the situation. We maintain two houses and so I take refuge in the other house so that both of us can have a cooling-off period after a fight. And soon enough, we’re back into each other’s arms." – Dr. Elizabeth de Guia-Godino, married 11 years to businessman, William Godino.

"I just do the exact opposite of what my wife wants. Kapag ayaw niyang maglaba, e di ako ang maglalaba. Kapag ayaw niyang magplantsa, e di ako na ang magplaplantsa." –Victor de Guzman, businessman, married 27 years to otolaryngologist, Dr. Fita de Guzman.

"In our 10 years of marriage, we’ve been blessed with two children (Azalea and Rogie). So far, we’ve coped with the problems of having a family by keeping our trust for each other. We’ve both tried our best to attain a harmonious relationship with our in-laws. Praying helps." – Laudeline Atienza, Commission on Audit medical technologist, married 10 years to Roland Atienza, also of the Commission on Audit.

"Number one: DAPAT WALANG SELOSAN. Keep unnecessary details to yourself. You don’t have to give a blow-by-blow account of your day to your spouse. Tolerate the character flaws of your partner if you really love him. Be patient since you cannot change him. Try to always be with your spouse. I’ve stayed with my husband through the years. I was always there where he was assigned. If he was detailed in Manila, I would pack up and be with him. We go once in a while to Baguio or Davao without the children.

We’re both lawyers and there is no professional jealousy between us. In fact we consult one another. I’m very supportive of my husband who pursued his career in government service then as a fiscal and later as a judge. I never showed any resentment over the fact that I earn more than him.

Whenever I sense that there’s a threat from flirtatious women in his workplace, I go out of my way to give him more attention. We have a cooling-off period first after a fight. Then we talk about the problem. I always have a special time for my husband. Masilbi ako sa asawa. I arrange the clothes that he would wear every morning. I spoil my husband. I’m a devoted wife." – Irene Jurado, well-known practicing lawyer, married 50 years to Judge Cicero Jurado. They celebrated their golden wedding anniversary last July 26.

I certainly agree that trust is very important. Trust is the basic foundation for a lasting marital relationship. It is also very important to maintain a two-way communication. Aside from trust, there should be mutual love, respect, care, understanding and fidelity. You should be able to convey to your partner that he/she is important to you. You should share the same values as your partner so that it means that the courtship period is very important for you to be able to screen your partner.

You should be able to learn how to give and take. You should learn the art of compromise for your marriage to work. You should be equal as marital partners. Having fun together is also very important. You know, even just folding the laundry or washing the dishes can be fun if done together. Keep the romance going and you can do this by openly showing your affection. Give a hug or a kiss for no reason. Surprise each other with little gifts, love notes or weekend escapades away from your kids– just the two of you. There should be a special time each day for you and your spouse to talk. Of course, you should make time for sex, too. This will reaffirm your commitment and emotional bonding with each other.

So dear readers, it is really up to you and your spouse if you wish your fairy tale romance to come true. So, guys, make sure you’re with your wives this New Year.

A Peaceful, Happy New Year!

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Congratulations to UST College of Medicine Class ’77 for a very successful silver anniversary celebration last Dec. 10 to 15.

Condolence to the family of Dr. Cecilia Alabaran for her untimely demise last Dec. 13 at 45. She was a very competent psychiatrist and her death is indeed a big loss to the Philippine Psychiatric Association, Philippine Board of Psychiatry and National Center for Mental Health. Goodbye, Cecille. We will all miss your bubbly laughter.

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(In case you have other problems particularly about love, looks and relationships, you would want me to discuss at this column, do send your letters to The Philippine STAR c/o Allure Section or send them directly to Suite 506 Medico Bldg. Lourdes Street cor. San Miguel Avenue, Pasig; fax no. 631-38-77; tel. no. 633-38-93.)