We need to understand the pitfalls of the holiday experience so we can cope more effectively.
"Holiday blues" may arise from several factors: added stress and fatigue, unrealistic expectations, over-commercialization of the season and the inability to be with one’s family (the latter is the reason why I make it a point to send my helper home for the holidays). Tension tends to build up because of the increased demands of shopping, wrapping gifts, preparing for parties, family reunions and accommodating house guests. Even those who don’t get depressed during the holidays may develop other stress reactions like headaches and difficulty sleeping.
If there are people who get depressed during the holidays, there are also people who respond to the excessive stress and anxiety once the holidays have passed. The so-called "post-holiday let down" after Jan.1 can be the result of emotional disappointments experienced during the preceding months as well as the physical reactions due to so much fatigue and stress.
Here are some ways to identify possible sources of holiday depression and pointers on how to survive the season:
• Remember to find time for yourself! Don’t schedule all your time for activities for family and friends.
• Spend some time with people who are supportive and who care about you.
• Make new friends if you are alone during these special times.
• Contact someone you have lost touch with.
• Don’t be scared to try something new. Try celebrating the holidays in a way you have not yet done before. For example, check in a hotel for the holidays or have your food catered instead of you doing all the cooking.
• Don’t drink too much alcohol. Why? Because excessive drinking will only make you more depressed.
• Enjoy holiday activities and functions that are free such as driving around with your loved ones to view the Christmas decorations around town. Go window-shopping without buying anything. Watch your favorite artists perform in free mall concerts.
• Do some charity work. Do something for someone else. This is a very old remedy, but I assure you that it works. So why don’t you volunteer some time to help others? Adopt an orphan for the Christmas holidays or give away your children’s old toys.
• Learn to let go of the past glorious days. Don’t feel bad if your holidays are not like they used to be. Remember that life brings changes. Each holiday season is different and can thus be enjoyed in its own different way. There is the danger of you setting yourself up for sadness if everything has to be exactly like the "good old days." Brace yourself up for the coming new year.
• Keep in mind that the holiday season will not automatically banish reasons for feeling sad and lonely, i.e., if you’re still in a period of bereavement. There is room for these feelings to be present even if a person decides not to express them.
• Keep your expectations for the holiday season manageable by not forcing yourself the need to make this holiday "the best ever." Make your goals for the holidays reasonable and realistic. Don’t dream of a Mediterranean cruise if you can’t afford it.
• Remember to pace yourself. Learn to organize your time by making a list and prioritizing your activities. Don’t squeeze in all your activities in just one day.
• If you have a problem of having to be with people you don’t like, try to minimize the damage on your psyche. You can arrange to leave earlier.
Recent researches have shown that there are also environmental factors that can lead to feelings of depression during the holidays. Some persons develop Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) which can result from fewer hours of sunlight as the days grow shorter during the winter months. Researchers have found phototheraphy (a treatment involving a few hours of exposure to intense light) effective in relieving the depressive symptoms of patients diagnosed to have Seasonal Affective Disorder during winter.
It is indeed unfortunate for some people if Christmas reminds them of some terrible loss, i.e., if their father died on Christmas, if their house burned on Christmas, if their love affair ended on Christmas or if they lost their child on Christmas. It is understandable that there is minimal prospect of the festive season bringing undiluted happiness to those with sad anniversaries coinciding with it.
There is also another sense of loss involving other people nowadays. It is in such cases where there has been a failed marital relationship and their children are spending Christmas with their ex-spouse or if the spouse is an overseas contract worker who cannot be home for the holidays. This modern phenomenon in Philippine society has somehow changed the face of the traditional family Christmas for many Filipinos.
So for those who are dreading the coming of Christmas and New Year festivities (if you’re depressed, newly-bereaved, newly dumped, without a "papa" or a parent without your children), how can you best get through it? Keep in mind that it is just a day–another day. You don’t have to celebrate it if you feel depressed. Just go ahead and do your backlog work in the office, call and spend time with a true friend, don’t get intoxicated with alcohol, soothe your soul and go to church, paint your room, clean your cupboards or just sleep early. Tomorrow will be another day.
If the coming New Year appears for you to be a bad time, just remember to think SMART. You know dear readers, SMART is a useful acronym to help you make goals that are possible and desirable:
• S stands for simple and specific.
• M stands for measurable.
• A stands for achievable.
• R stands for realistic.
• T stands for true-to-your real wants.
So, don’t set a goal like "I want to be a confident person." This is kind of vague. Make instead a simple and specific goal like this "I want to join an assertiveness workshop and learn to improve my skills in dealing with people." And definitely don’t make a goal to give up smoking if deep in your heart you don’t really want to. You will never achieve your goal unless you want to do something more than you don’t want to do it.
May this Christmas and New Year season bring inner peace and joy to each of you!