A time for single moms to bond

My manager Bibsy Carballo organized SNACK (Summer Nature and Arts Camp for Kids) four years ago. My children Kenneth and Rikki Mae attended this camp last year and had the time of their lives.

It was difficult at first for me to agree that they join because it meant they wouldn’t be with me for six days (although parents could visit). Thinking of them being on their own and sleeping in tents, I thought,"Ang mga lamok, baka kagatin sila!" ("They might be bitten by mosquitoes!") There were so many concerns going on in my mind. Waking up and not being with my children was also a feeling I didn’t want to experience.

But then the kids were excited and so I said yes. Of course my manager’s cellphone was always busy because I was always checking on the kids! Ang kulit ko. Before they slept I would call to say good night.

When I talked to my eldest, Kenneth, who was 12 then, he was really okay. He did not sound like he missed me. Of course he made new friends and I guess he enjoyed the freedom of being on his own.

However, my second-born, Rikki Mae had her separation blues from me. The first night I talked to her, she wanted to go home. She said she missed me so much. It broke my heart to hear her say that on the phone, pero tiniis ko. Bibsy said feelings of anxiety were normal in the beginning, and Rikki Mae was really okay. She would just become homesick whenever she heard my voice.

But in my heart I knew it would be good for her to be on her own, to experience not having the comforts of home all the time. After all, that’s reality. You can’t and won’t have it good all the time. I knew it would help her discover and rediscover herself and so tiniis ko na lang. I told her that Mama would be there on her graduation and to just enjoy herself in the meantime.

On their graduation day, we arrived early. I saw Kenneth right away with his friends, laughing. He had his own barkada. I looked for Rikki Mae. Where was she? They had just finished an activity and she was taking a shower. When I saw her she was still wet, hair dripping. She held in her hands her soiled clothes. She looked so cute, being responsible for her things. Of course the camp did her well–did them both well.

I knew we had made the right decision. They came home new individuals, more responsible, more sure about themselves. And they had built new friendships and brought home all their experiences that enriched them.

This year, though, my manager decided to put up a camp for Single Mothers. It’s going to be called SMACK (Single Mothers Adventure Camp with Kids).

I asked her what made her decide to launch it.

Bibsy said it started when some parents of the kids who joined her regular summer children’s camp asked her to organize a camp for single mothers, where parents and kids of single moms could bond, share experiences and learn from one another.

The feedback on her children’s camps over the past four years has been very positive and she thought it would be wonderful to expand the services to include that particular sector in our society–single mothers.

I wonder how my mom felt when she had to raise me on her own. My dad was still alive then and though I saw him regularly, it was my mom who had to go through most of the difficulty in raising me. I asked her so many questions that needed immediate answers, which even when she answered I followed up with more. All those "issues" that had to be dealt with. It must have been so hard for her.

She probably had to deal with her hurts, her frustrations by herself. In those days, there weren’t many support groups for single moms or not many activities like SMACK that could and would help children and their parents.

What does SMACK have in store for the kids and their mothers? The camp will feature team-building games specially designed by the team-building outfit LUBID, Inc. for mother and child. Games will revolve around developing trust in one another. There will also be tandem sailing lessons where mother and child will learn how they can conquer the wind and the waves together. There will also be a painting session where mom and child will complete an interactive painting which shall be analyzed later on by an expert psychologist.

There will be discussions with the psychologist and some of the questions that will be addressed are: "Are children of incomplete families more prone to psychological and physical disorders?"; "Do single mothers harbor resentment against the absentee partner that translates itself in violence towards their offspring?"

These are only some of the activities and I’m sure both moms and kids will get to ask whatever it is they want answered.

The camp will also have some single moms who are willing to tell their stories and participate in an open forum. Actress Alma Concepcion, single mom to two-year-old Cobie, says she feels she has experiences to share about the joys and pains of rearing a child alone. But more than this, she knows that she will learn from others and from their experiences in the camp.

If there was something like this when I was growing up, when I was asking all my questions, I believe it would have helped me and my mom a lot. We did okay, but with difficulty. When in the presence of others who are in the same situation as one is, there is always so much to learn, to grasp, to experience and to lessen one’s burden. I encourage single moms and their kids to join this camp. I would have come along with my mom if there was one before.

SMACK will be held from Nov. 1 to 3 at Taal Lake Yacht Club, Talisay Batangas. To know more about the camp, you may contact Bibsy Carballo (camp director) at tel. nos. 7210801, 7241762 or telefax 7267164 or you may e-mail her at bibsymcar@yahoo.com, to open the SNACK website www.geocities.com/snackphil.

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(E-mail me at babyjackster@yahoo.com.)