Let him be, set him free

We live in a frantic, rage-filled, overpopulated, environmentally degraded world. The speed of our fast-food culture is redefining the formation and experience of our relationships. Dramatic changes are happening–long-term couples are separating because of seeming lackluster patterned existence; those who stay together for various reasons agree to a compromise and are challenged to try to keep their love flowing; the youth quickly jump into romantic flings and/or sexual encounters that sometimes stay in such superficial levels that the potentials of depth-relatedness are not given a chance.

Women look for relationships often for such varied reasons as companionship, security, peer pressure, sexual attraction, all with the hope that they may experience true love, happy-ever-after endings in the process. More often, friendship and the real understanding of love are overlooked. Relationships need time, awareness and understanding to blossom. Everything around today seems to work against their successful fruition.

To get a deeper understanding of all that is happening today, we can look at the patterns and cycles of the cosmos. The seeming acceleration of time represents universal energies that are beginning to move faster. Quantum physics’ discovery shows that solid matter is actually vibrant moving energy that always renews itself. Speed also makes vibrations move higher. In astrology, energy changes represent the planets working at their higher frequency levels. Just as science discovered matter’s higher state, so too do the planets make a move towards their higher vibrations.

Whoa! Stop! What do all that cosmic movements have to do with our relationships? Well, cosmic energies, through the movement of planets, do affect everything in our earth, including changes in our psyches, emotions and consciousness. With the changes happening today, we have to align ourselves to the speed and rise of vibrations if we want to deepen and make the most of our relationships and experience each other on higher levels.

Influencing this trend is the planet Pluto. Sometime in mid-1996, Pluto started its quiet move from the sign of Scorpio (where it was since 1984) to the sign of Sagittarius. Pluto is the slowest moving of all planets, and its journey through the 12 astrological signs of the zodiac takes 247.7 years. It may stay in any sign between 12 to 30 years, the number being erratic due to its orbit. Pluto usually affects people through the deep inner transformations they are experiencing. This transformative power has only one objective–to challenge us to step onto a higher level of consciousness. Pluto forces the collective unconscious to the light, pushing new energies emerging from the invisible part of us. It firmly forces us to grow and expand beyond our comfort zones. With the position of Pluto in Sagittarius, the concept of FREEDOM in relationships is the lesson, the "main event."

On one level, the energy of Pluto in Sagittarius often makes old couples/partnerships feel like brother-sister relationships. Things between them become habitual, boring, "been-there-done-that" type of thing. Romance and zing disappear, and the drudgery of life takes over. This is the point when one or both of the partners begins to look outside the relationship for excitement, which often ends with pain when an affair is exposed, or when separation is chosen. Others choose to sublimate and understand this sibling-like, less romantic relationship. As they go deeper (the Plutonian influence) into this, they begin to experience the higher state of love which is friendship and true partnership.

Freedom is all about expanding the limits of how we view our partner. Have we kept them in the role of husband or lover and have forgotten them as friends? Often, we are more forgiving of friends, demanding nothing from them, but just enjoy their company. With our partner we demand time, attention, nurturance, etc. Can we say "I love you," period, with nothing attached to the phrase? Not, "I love you… but!" When our partner does not live up to the role we have placed him in–as lover, father, provider, sponge-listener, shock-absorber, personal psycho analyst–sparks may fly!

On the other hand, the urge to expand and grow may happen to the woman in the relationship. She may begin a process of redefining herself beyond the traditional role of mother, and her husband has a hard time accepting the changes. She craves for time alone to nurture herself, or expand her own sphere of friends and seeks other people. Taking time apart to create more space for each other’s individuality may be a point of contention between couples because of the insecurity that comes along with it.

In the life of a relationship, there comes a point when we have to learn to truly accept our partner for how he really is, what he wants to be, what his vision for his life is. It is acceptance without judgment or criticism or the desire to manipulate changes. Freedom means allowing him to fulfill his destiny and path within the context of living our life with each other. Let go a little, let be, and just love. This way, we create a friendlier space in the relationship that will allow the process of authentic individualization to happen. This will raise the level of our relationships to transformative Love (with capital L) and healing friendship. We will harmonize with the patterns and flow of the cosmos as it accelerates in speed. As Pluto moves through the sign of Sagittarius, it will settle for nothing less.