How could anyone have possibly appreciated such a cinematic mistake? Guys scoffed, almost insinuating that chicks-were-never-meant-to-go-astray-in-the-first-place. Gals freaked out.
Granted, it’s a woman’s right to do what she wants. But apart from the feminist anthem of equal rights (including the right to cheat) in me going off, my mind drew a complete blank.
Is this the reality–that women have finally been stripped of all moral fiber when it comes to intimacy and exclusivity? Is there no more respect for the sanctity of marriage or even mere partnership?
Apparently not.
And then it became crystal clear. I shuddered at the thought just like other women did. Then out of nowhere, there was this sudden rush of naughty, animalistic energy within me! I envisioned myself wrapped by the strong legs of that beautiful Frenchman in the movie as I stared blankly into my dinner, oblivious of the fact that my partner was seated right beside me, not having a clue as to what I was actually thinking or feeling.
To cheat or not to cheat… that is the question!
If men want to play that way, where is it written that women can’t join in the fun? Fight fire with fire! After all, fair is fair.
But what’s the real deal with unfaithfulness? Here’s a rundown of proverbial bumps on the relationship road that may cause either a slight or severe detour into the realm of cheating.
Diagnosis: Fantastic fantasy (FYI, you ain’t the one saving your partner’s world)
Symptoms:
• Constant flirting with anyone in sight.
• Catching the latest Vin Diesel or Pamela Anderson Lee flick at least 20 times.
• Calling out other names in bed (tsk, tsk!).
• Always wishing you were more responsible like so-and-so or sweeter than this-and-that.
Rx: Not to worry, this is a mild case, just a distant cousin of cheating. It’s hardly a threat–unless the symptoms keep acting up. Keep communication lines open about concerns you may feel your partner is keeping from you and vice-versa. Work on any obstacle together, and you’ll have nothing major to worry about.
Diagnosis: The "Strike anytime, anywhere with anyone" disease
Symptoms:
• Not completely satisfied with just one partner… just because!
• Sex is just really sex.
• Size, shape, form, delivery–it’s all a fun experiment; the more, the better!
• You’re out to compete with Dolphy.
Rx: Understandably, it’s hard to qualify what good sex is when you’ve only ever had one partner all your life. But dude, here’s four letters for you–A.I.D.S.! Get help!
Diagnosis: Craving for attention disorder
Symptoms:
• You willingly admit you’ve watched a movie with an ex and your partner doesn’t mind in the least!
• Partnership to you can be comparable to sibling-hood (so saaaaad!).
• You actually have a seismographic reading of each other’s mood swings.
• Um, when was the last time you had sex again? (Ooohh…)
Rx: Okay, point taken. Partners, be sensitive to your attention-seeking lover’s needs. As for all you kulang sa pansins, know that life isn’t fireworks all the time. Try and meet somewhere in the happy middle.
Diagnosis: The "I wasn’t myself" malady
Symptoms:
• Drunk, and totally void of sound mind.
• Drunk, and pretending to be totally void of sound mind.
• Must be "high" and incapable of making wise judgments.
• "High" and pretending to be incapable of making the right judgment.
Rx: Be wise enough to know your substance limit in the future. As for lying, cheating fools who don’t give your lovers enough credit in the brain department, maybe you deserve to be caught, chewed on, and spat on the curb.
I’m not really proud of it. I don’t ever want to do it again. I thought it would never happen to me! My ex and I were so confident! We really trusted each other, we weren’t possessive." – Dry as Wood, 23, Assistant Director
Diagnosis: "Last Resort" Blues
Symptoms:
• When you’ve heard "I’ll try my best to change" over a thousand times.
• When happiness is a surprise vacation…away from each other!
• When it’s just a complete and utter chore to have to look at your partner’s face.
Rx: Hard habit to break, this one. The solace you find in the "other" may end up being totally hazardous to your health and sanity. Just pray that the inevitable break-up is an amicable one.
Diagnosis: Revenge!
Symptoms: Revenge!
Rx: This is probably the most logical reason to engage in any form of extra-marital, cheating-on-your-partner, being-a-complete-ass kind two-timing (or three, four, five…) activity. Clearly, many stoop to loathe-worthy levels to either:
• Prove to themselves that they are equal in all things… even when it comes to being complete degenerates.
• Use it as a way to wash the memory of their lovers’ actions out of their system… sort of like canceling out in algebra.
or
• Finally have an excuse to try it anyway–yet get away scott-free.
Be it a chick scorned by a lover found to have pseudo-concubines at his beck and call or a 40-year-old willing to test his "marketability" and risk losing his family, there is always that possibility of people going astray.
I am not heeding that reality. But if I could promise you a world of perfect couplehood, I would click my Japanese Slippers together thrice and wish all this madness away. Then again, life without problems will be horrifyingly boring to bear, and there would be nothing for Boy Abunda and Kris Aquino to cover.
And we can’t have that, now, can we? Besides, you can never really imagine what hasn’t personally happened to you. Let he who has no faults of his own cast the first stone.