How to enchant men

One aspect of a woman’s beauty is her mystery. By mystery, I mean the aura of enchantment that she creates around her. This includes the charm that she exudes and the delight that it produces.

We hear of great women through history from all walks and persuasions of life that have enchanted men (and women, too), rousing their imaginations by the self-confidence and allure that they possessed. To name a few: the seductive Egyptian Cleopatra, the intelligent and wiley Frenchwoman Madame de Pompadour, the alluring German Greta Garbo, the stylish American Jackie Kennedy Onassis, the resilient Burmese Aung Sung Kyi, even the courageous Pinay Gabriela Silang. Their names have become synonymous with style, power and character. Within the context of their times, they lived out unique lives, listening to their own inner drummers, becoming truly individual. And because of these they have become universal and timeless models for women.

Our cyber-techno-materialistic world today is challenging us to reinvent ourselves as the traditional mindsets and ways are being re-adjusted. I guess this is the natural process of change as woman evolves within time, society and shifting values. This process of change involves the constant awareness to bring out the very best and most unique part in us. What I see is that as we attempt to re-invent ourselves, we naturally turn to look outside ourselves, often towards the West, towards values that are defined by the MTV generation, Style magazine, and the Lifestyle channel. Nothing wrong with this, except that it makes all of us look and be like everybody else! Now where is the magic in that?

What I think we lack today is the process of achieving that mystery, that "something" that makes us alluring, tantalizing–that which would capture the imagination of both men and women. It is about personality, drama, style. It is also about integrity, strength and character. To begin the process of re-enchantment, where do we begin?

Re-enchantment means to re-look at stories you tell yourself about yourself. Are you being honest? The first step is to look inward. Getting in touch with your Inner Self is about building an intimate relationship. You become aware of once more possessing yourself, calling back your spirit from addictive behaviors that ruin self-esteem (a broken relationship of the past, a seeming failure/set-back in something you are doing, a co-dependency on another person). Calling your spirit back is recapturing that individual essence of yourself, breaking away from illusions you create about your life and relationships. You become a little selfish in letting your attention go towards people and situations that rob you off your focus, or destabilize you from your inner peace and knowing.

Re-enchantment means to re-look at stories you tell about yourself to others. This is the art of seeking the individual in us and letting this be known to others. You have to learn to define your own personal truths. These truths may not be totally in sync with the norm but fill you with peace and clarity. Often, when you align yourself with belief systems based on other people’s experiences, you try to fit in but somehow, are unable to. You become alienated from yourself, when you don’t tell your own stories, when you don’t own your own beliefs. By habitual, constant practice of reflection about your life experiences, truthful self-discovery is achieved. You shape your own personal philosophy and can follow this through in word and action, immune to the applause or the "boos".

Look to the heart as the seat of enchantment. The heart will never lie. Look to bringing close to you, things, people and experiences that make you happy, joyful and free. Sometimes, there is a certain joy in knowing you are standing for your principles and not wavering when the going gets tough or when opposition rears its head. By believing in what you feel and giving it integrity, you will bring forth passion and meaning into what you do in life.

Restore the ritual of womanhood. Symbols of womanhood vary for each person. You may wish to identify your own unique symbol and signifier of "womanhood". It may be as simple as a sensual bath, a favorite perfume lavishly used, a piece of jewelry that brings forth the feminine instinct, a favorite nightdress. It may be as symbolic as taking the day off during your period and just reflecting on your cycle, or caressing your little child. Or as dramatic as treating yourself to a shopping spree for a job well done, or a promotion you have worked so hard for. It may even be honoring and listening to the innate woman’s intuition that has been making its presence felt. The important thing in the restoration of this ritual is to imbue it with a deep awareness of the feminine energy that is alive within you.

The process of re-enchantment is the process of conscious individualization. It cannot be obtained overnight. Rather, it is a moment by moment choice to capture your uniqueness, nurture it and express it. Your uniqueness is your magic!

(The writer will hold a seminar today on Understanding our Birth Sign: Destiny or Free Will?, from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., at CHACRA Center, 59 Salvador St. PhiDHRRA Compound, Loyola Heights, Q.C. For inquiries, please call Orlan at tel. nos. 434-5381 or 426-5368.)