I wasn’t imagining things that night. I was getting those stares that could bore holes on your backside. The conclusion? I WAS BEING ACCUSED OF DATING AN OLDER MAN! (Worse, my dad was tagged a "dirty old man" who couldn’t stick to a chick his age.)
What I don’t understand is how easily people tend to judge relationships on account of age gaps. And the whole issue of over-the-hill men dating young girls or seductive older women going for cutesy boys on the verge—why do the lot of us view it as anything but ordinary?
For example, Anna Nicole Smith is still battling her late husband’s family for what she says is rightfully hers. Her battle cries of "I really, really loved him" wore thin so fast that not even her extravagant cleavage could clinch the jury’s vote.
Hard to believe that a blond bombshell could love a wrinkled old man? Money perhaps? No kidding!
The Book of Love states: Loving is sharing.
It’s love: When what’s yours is mine, what’s mine is yours.
It ain’t love: When what’s yours is mine, and what’s mine is mine, too!
The Book of Love states: Love knows no bounds when it comes to age.
It’s love: When we see eye-to-eye on everything.
It ain’t love: When we see eye-to-chest, as your breasts are everything!
The Book of Love states: Men have the brawn, women have the brain.
It’s love: When gal understands the guy’s need to be a kid sometimes.
It ain’t love: When the gal understands the guy’s need to be a pesky, annoying, f%*king nightmare gives her the right to cane him to death.
The Book of Love states: The man is bound to provide for and take care of the woman at all cost.
It’s love: When he buys her a new dress. Just because.
It ain’t love: When he buys her a new dress. Just because he feels that she’s looking too slutty in her old one.
The Book of Love states: In sickness and in health, till death do us part!
It’s love: When you grow old together and see your children march down that graduation aisle.
It ain’t love: When you grow old and your partner marches down that graduation aisle with your kids.
Given that these situations do exist, it’s awfully unfair to make sweeping generalizations. I’d like to offer you a chance to think out of that stuffy "relationship law" box and see the other side. The unconventional road—the road that Woody Allen and his ex-stepdaughter- turned-wife Soon-Yi are comfortably coasting. (Hell, if they’ve lasted for over a decade, they must be doing something right!)
Here are a few success stories that will have you believe that age can be irrelevant when it comes to matters of the heart.
Name: Hasben (around the block more than a hundred times, that is) Truital*
Occupation: Marketing Director
Age Gap: He’s 40 + she’s 22 = 18 whopping years!
Relationship Status: Happy playing house after two years.
His defense: There is always a risk involved as you get into something you are unfamiliar with. You may think you want it, but you don’t really know what it is. With age differences in relationships come a higher risk potential. The unknown is bigger, and only time will tell. If both are comfortable with each other’s initial needs, then good.
On Age Gap: People should look beyond the norm. The occurrence of a relationship with an abnormal age gap springs from the needs and experiences of the particular people involved at that particular time. A young girl could get tired of partying and want to hook up with someone more subdued, intellectually stimulating. An older man may feel the need to be out there and taste a little more youth than he’s used to. People are together because certain needs are fulfilled.
On Maturity: With regard to maturity levels—it’s like boxing in things that don’t fit. Obviously, the only answer is compromise.
On Sex: Sex doesn’t depend on age, but on the sensuality and openness to keep things going. Sexual maturity and the whole factor of experimentation is again about knowing your partner’s wants and needs and providing them.
She adds:
On needs: We compromise with each other’s wants and needs.
On Personal Growth: He helps me grow and feel like a real woman. I guess you could say that he sees something really good in me. He is always pushing me to reach my full potential. He teaches me how to accept things I’d normally be too stubborn to accept. Plus we are very open when I do something wrong, or if he hurts my feelings, he gives me the time I need to scream, walk away, and make the anger subside before I talk to him. He has taught me a lot of important things about life, and I appreciate him for being patient with me.
On Sex: The sex is fabulous! I feel as though I’m on this perpetual roller coaster!!!
Name: Dawn (give a damn about what the world says, that is) Luna*
Occupation: Fashion Editor
Age Gap: She’s 26 + he’s 21 = five years + three years (on account of girls maturing this much faster)
Relationship Status: Positively peachy after five years.
It’s because it’s him. He could be 45, or my age, or younger, it doesn’t matter to me. He’d still be the same person, and that’s who I am in love with.
On Maturity: He’s not immature at all. In fact, he’s more rational than I am. He’s affectionate, thoughtful, and patient. I’m the flighty one. We’re still together because of him. He always ends up saying sorry just to keep the peace. And I don’t get tired of it. The quicker the fights end, the better. We have enough opposing attitudes to keep it interesting.
On Time Spent: He has lots of time for me and that counts a lot. And he really makes an effort with my daughter—they enjoy doing things together. He just graduated from college, and I’m not pressuring him to get out there and find a job right away. And we share lots of the same interests.
On Sex: Well, I guess at first, you could say I was the one doing all the, um, work. Now though, it’s safe to say that he calls the shots and then some!
He adds:
On compatibility: It’s all about compromise—eating "humble pie" at the right time. And we’re cool that way. We’re perfect.
On Fights: Guys in general are less confrontational when it comes to girls. That’s why I am quick to apologize. I don’t like fighting because I don’t want the problem to escalate. Besides, I hate seeing her cry. That’s, like, her numero uno weapon.
On Downsides: It’s a highly superficial one. She tends to be conscious about her age sometimes. I can’t cut my hair short because I’ll look younger. I can’t dress my age. Being in the fashion industry, she always has to look snazzy, so I have to live up to that. Age is just a state of mind. I could be 26 too, but with the mentality of a typical 16 year old. That’s a biggie.
On Maturity: She’s got a better perspective on how guys work because of all the experiences she’s gone through. It makes her more perceptive to my needs, and knows how to make things timpla. So she’s wise in manipulating me, and I allow it as long as she doesn’t make a fool out of me. And she never does.