Is this the little boy I carried?

Kenneth Robert Charles Blanco Dabao, or Ken as we call him, is our eldest, our only son. He is 13 years old and all of 5’9". Oh yes, we already have a teenager. Every time I look at him, I am in awe. Standing before me is a young man. I didn’t think it would be so soon.

It seems not so long ago when I carried him in my arms. I was 25 then. He was almost eight lbs. What a big boy for someone so small like me. Now, he is big enough to carry his Mama.

I am proud to say Ricky and I are close to our son. We have always been "hands on" parents. We try to be always available to our children. As first-time parents to Ken, we took care of him ourselves. Our household helpers were only there to "help." We put him to sleep, bathed him, fed him, played with him, read to him–everything you could possibly imagine. We did the same to our two girls–Rikky Mae and Arabella.

Ken and I have a special bond. He was always very open to me about his thoughts and feelings, even as a young boy. He was very malambing, demonstrative about his love for me and Ricky.

Now that he is 13, he is still malambing, but sometimes he gets embarrassed when I hug or kiss him when his classmates are around. I guess it’s his age.

I kind of miss the days when I could kiss and hug him as much as I wanted to and he wouldn’t complain. But of course, not everything can stay the same. Some things do change.

Ken is a young man now. He has his own friends, own interests. They are starting to search for their identity, and we as parents–difficult as it may seem–have to give them their "space."

It is difficult because from the moment they are born, they depend on us for what they’re going to do, how to do it, what to wear, what to read, what to eat.

Now, they want to be given the chance to decide for themselves. We should guide them of course but allow them as well to speak their minds out. We have to let them make mistakes along the way and just be there for them. It is difficult to let go a little bit but we have to. We can’t hold on too tight and yet we shouldn’t let go completely. Not yet. We have to be there to guide them along the way. Allow them to walk without holding their hands and yet stand behind them, ready to catch them if they fall. Ready to understand. Ready to forgive and accept them, wrong or right.

Ken is also at that age where he is attracted to the opposite sex. He has his "crushes." He is starting to call girls and girls are starting to call him. Sometimes Ricky and I can’t use the phone anymore (ha! ha!). We did that too. We give him his limits, though.

At Ken’s age, I couldn’t tell my Mom my crushes. Didn’t really talk about them, but my son, on the other hand, tells me everything and anything. I consider myself privileged.

I feel lucky that he shares with me his innermost thoughts and feelings. Although I must admit I feel jealous sometimes. There was a time that I was the only "woman in his life." But then again, this is reality.

He asks me all sorts of questions, even about sex. During my time, I didn’t dare ask, but then times are changing. Children are exposed to so much. Sometimes the questions he asks shock me but I’d rather he hear it from me than get the wrong information from other people.

I, as a parent, try to be as honest as I can when I answer the delicate questions. No beating around the bush. I try and explain it at a level I think he is capable of grasping.

I always tell my children I love them. Ricky and I do, everyday. I come from a family that’s very demonstrative, that gives lots of hugs and kisses and "I love you’s." I believe it’s very important to tell our children how much we love them. There should be no special occasion to do so.

Because we have made this a habit, our children are comfortable expressing their love to us. They are comfortable showing their emotions about anything. We know when they are sad or hurt or ecstatic over anything.

I believe we should not be afraid or embarrassed to express how we feel. When Ken was younger I asked him if he knew that I loved him. He said yes. We were in the car on the way home. I asked "Ken, how does that make you feel?" He said "Mama, it’s like now–we are inside the car, it’s locked and I know I’m safe." He was trying to tell me he felt secure about my loving him. It brought tears to my eyes.

Now that he’s grown up, he still tells me he loves me and it means so much to me. Recently, we had a heart-to-heart talk. I asked him, "Ken, do you love Mama?" He said, "Mama, I love you more than the world." Those words, that night, I will always hold close to my heart.

Sometimes I ask myself. "Does my son still need me?" He is not so dependent on me anymore. He has other interests. He demands his space.

Last week, he got the flu, his fever reaching almost 40. His tonsils were swollen. I had to give him a sponge bath to lower the temperature. As we went to the bathroom, he looked for a towel to cover his private parts. I told myself, "Nahihiya na. Siyempre, binata na." As I was sponging him, I was transported to the times when he was a baby. The sponge baths we had to give him, the suppositories we had to put in his butt to bring down his fever. Now, after a long time, I was taking care of him again.

Days after, he was still sick. One morning when he woke up, he said, "Mama, stay beside me." Then he held my hand. As I put my small hand in his, as I watched him fall asleep, I cried. My boy still needed his Mama to comfort him, to make him feel better. I guess he just wanted to know I was there.

Once we have established a certain bond with our children no matter how old they become, that always be there.

While they are young, let us not hold back when it comes to reaching out to them. Every minute, every second let us show them how we feel, how much they mean to us.

Always let them know we are there for them. That they can count on us anytime. Let them know that our love for them is unconditional.

They will fall, they will stumble and we’ll have to deal with the hurts along the way, but the bumps will make them better persons.

What matters is that they know we will always be there for them, there to accept them with open arms.

One day Ken will really be all grown up. He will get married and have a family of his own. When that time comes I hope he will still need his Mama somehow, and when he does, in whatever way, at whatever time, I will be there.

To you my son, always remember that Mama loves you so much. When you’re grown up and ready to face the world, always carry my love in your heart. My love will always be with you. I love you Ken so much.

And to my Dad who is in heaven, and to my husband Ricky and to all the Dads, Happy Father’s Day!