Purpose-driven nagging

Amother in the Dumaguete parenting seminar my husband and I conducted asked if it is okay to nag our children. It was obvious that she was guilty of nagging her children, which she shared didn’t encourage them to obey her. Who is not guilty of nagging their children anyway? Though the word nagging connotes something negative, I told her that it could also be used to persuade others to produce positive results. Nagging in the negative sense produces kids who are "parent deaf" and parents who have pedophobia or fear of children.

I used the term purpose-driven nagging to come up with a positive kind of nagging. That means we bombard our children with information without making them feel suffocated and pressured. It creates an atmosphere of fun and learning to the point that they don’t know they are actually learning. A positive mindset is needed.

Here are some ways we can get our kids to cooperate through our purpose-driven nagging:

1) Have a goal in mind. Focus on one goal at a time. Picture the message you want to convey and imagine how you would want it achieved and when.

2) Choose the right time to discuss the goal with your child. Preferably, this should be done after he/she has already relaxed from school and not upon arriving home.

3) Go through the action with your child. If you want his/her room cleaned, don’t just say, "Clean your room." Clean the room together for a couple of times to show her/him what a clean room looks like.

4) Monitor progress by allowing your child to do the task on his/her own with supervision at first and then gradually increase independence.

5) Put friendly reminders that don’t shout at your child, but gently remind him/her of the task you want done. Make creative reminders with color and drawing, and post them in places that are frequently viewed by your child. Sometimes, I post a verse from the bible that directly says something about my reminder.

6) Make your actions speak louder. Anthony’s purposeful nagging style is to get the child’s commitment before he starts wrestling our kids and asking them what they need to accomplish while wrestling them. Since they are having so much fun, they readily agree to his terms.

7) Consider your tone of voice and facial expression while "nagging" your child. My seven-year-old son Donny gently rebuked me, after I told him off harshly when I was mad, by telling me a story about his Teacher Christine. After I said my piece, he smiled at me and said, "You know, Mama, when my teacher wants to get mad at us, she breathes and fans herself with her hand, then she becomes okay." That story inspired me to find a better outlet for my temper and encouraged me to take a deep breath to relax first before telling my kids what I want them to do. Donny’s been helpful by telling me to breathe first before I utter negative nagging words. Because of that, I usually end up laughing and telling them what I want accomplished in a nice way.

Purpose-driven nagging can be applied when dealing with our spouses as well. When we have a definite goal in mind while considering the welfare of others more than ourselves, we can see productive results from our constant positive, purpose-driven nagging.

Enjoy!

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E-mail author at mommytalk@businessworks.com.ph.