Disciplining our children

As expected, the spanking article did get interesting feedback. Some of the writers would rather not have their letters printed but here’s one from a concerned mom. Thank you all for sharing your hearts on this matter. We may not all agree on the same things but I think we all want what’s best for our family, most especially for our children. Let’s make that our meeting ground and learn from each other.

Dear Ms. Laxa-Pangilinan,

I was disappointed with your column on spanking today. Your introduction was fine, but I disagree with your views about spanking, and feel very uncomfortable that other moms may try to follow your example.

It seems you’ve adopted the views of Dr. James Dobson, who believes that spanking is appropriate. I think you failed to emphasize that there are so many other alternatives to punishment. A parent who wants to impose punishment should be able to find some other methods, if he is indeed calm. Furthermore, saying that the child should be willing to yield to the spanking sounds painfully akin to child abuse disguised as something "good for you."

Very truly yours,
Meg , mom of two
Ayala Alabang, Muntinlupa

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I intend to run a series on disciplining our children in the succeeding articles. Although I started with an article on spanking, I do believe in other forms of discipline. Before I go into that though, I think it is best for us parents to understand what kind of philosophy governs our child’s discipline. Some of us discipline our children the same way our parents disciplined us. Others use a totally opposite approach. Ask yourself the following questions to help you discover your philosophy of child discipline:

1. When you were disciplined as a child, what do you remember most about your father and /or mother?

a. Did they discipline in anger or not? If they did get angry, what were your feelings?

b. What about your parents’ disciplining style did you agree or disagree with?

c. Is your style of discipline the same or different from your parents’?

2. After considering the answers to the questions above, how would you want to discipline your children?

Discipline And Punishment

Many people use the words discipline and punishment interchangeably as if they mean the same thing. Understanding the true meaning of the words will be very useful in guiding parents in their disciplining style. The word discipline comes from the root word disciple. As parents, we are to make disciples of our children. They are the learners. Discipline is motivated by love and concern for the learner. We are to train our children in the right way so that they will mature in their thinking and be made wise in the choices of their actions. Because there are consequences to our actions, our focus when we discipline is on training our children to choose doing the right deeds in the future. As a result, they will become secure individuals.

Punishment, on the other hand, involves getting even and giving a penalty for an offense. It focuses on past misdeeds of the child. The parent is often governed by an attitude of frustration and anger. Punishment produces children who are always in fear and are constantly guilty of their actions.

A parent’s attitude when disciplining her children is vital to the method of correction she will use. Ask yourself the method of discipline you apply to your children. After understanding the difference between discipline and punishment, do you think you would still use the terms interchangeably?

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Would love to hear from you, e-mail me at: mommytalk@businessworks.com.ph.