On single motherhood

I knew from the very start that writing about single mothers would be quite a sensitive topic. I know that I may not completely understand the real emotions hidden in a single mother’s heart but being raised by a single mom, I’ve been in touch with the pains and triumphs of one. I do not claim to know it all when it comes to single moms, that’s why I really appreciate feedback from my readers. One reader wrote she was not very happy about my mentioning the hope of God preparing her Prince.

That’s perfectly fine for I also understand that not all single mothers hope to fall in love again especially if the pain from their past experience is still very fresh. I have to admit though that many of the readers agree that they’re looking forward to a second chance with love.

I am quite elated that I received feedback not only from locals but also those who now live in different parts of the globe. Your letters are truly inspiring and I hope to write more articles that will be beneficial to your heart’s needs. All the best to you and yours!

Young and Single, USA

Dear Maricel,

I am a single mom with an 11-year-old daughter. I married "her father" (that’s how I always call my ex-husband) when I was 22 years old, on my first job, still fresh from college. After two years, we parted ways (I couldn’t stand his womanizing) and I started to raise my almost three-year-old daughter alone. That was 10 years ago. Now, after getting an annulment and singlehandedly raising my daughter and putting her through grade school (I wanted to send her to a private school), I am proud to say that I have survived because of God’s mercy and grace. I must admit that God has been very good to me and has given me all the best opportunities so that I can raise my daughter without asking for support from anybody. I am currently in the US with my daughter.

Through God’s grace, I was able to get a job at an American firm which brought me and my daughter here. New life, new job, new friends and a new "prince" as you called it. That’s how good God is. After all my failures, I can say God never left me ... I am a single mom and I have survived being one only through His help.

To all the single moms like me: Never stop praying, only He can help you in your darkest hour. –Ms. T

* * * Single and Shining, CANADA

Hi, Maricel!

I just read your article on single moms. My sister is a single mom. But indeed, this has not discouraged her from shining on her own. She has raised a beautiful daughter, who is doing great both at home and in school. In fact, she graduated valedictorian in grade 8. She is now in grade 9 taking up an International Baccalaureate Program in high school.

As you know, raising a kid in a foreign country is doubly hard, what with no nannies, no helpers. But she and her daughter have managed with God’s help and guidance.

Thank you for praising single moms. For indeed, they are really very special. Maricel, be brave and thank God for the wonderful family you have. And always stay in love with your dear husband every time, in every way. You’re the best support he’s got.

God bless you and your family. Thank you for a wonderful and inspiring article. – Ampy Baltasar

P.S. I live in Canada with my loving and patient husband, and we have two lovely girls aged seven and five. My sister also lives here with her daughter and our mother.

* * * A Single Mom’s Friend, AUSTRALIA

Dear Maricel,

I was deeply touched by your article about single moms. But I am not a single mom – in fact, at the end of this month, my husband and I will celebrate our first anniversary. We live in Melbourne, Australia.

I have a special single mom friend named Orijana. She is from Croatia and migrated here 10 years ago with her baby. This Mother’s Day, I wanted to buy Chicken Soup for the Single Mother’s Soul pero alam mo naman ang price no’n. I have a weathered copy and I decided to photo copy articles for her and tie them with a cute bow like a booklet. Pero I did not know how to make a touching dedication.

And then I saw your article. Thank you very much, Maricel. I know how it feels to miss one’s husband – mine works from time to time in Sydney, he’s on emergency call. He repairs Cranes, forklifts, etc. for Qantas there. I would cry and cry begging him to take me with him. Once, during a Christmas holiday, he did because the boss agreed to pay for my airfare and accommodation.

I wish you and your family well. I pray for Sharon and Kiko and their family, too. God bless you always. – Aileen Lt Nyulaszi

* * * A Mother’s Daughter, PHILIPPINES

Dear Maricel,

I was reading your article "In praise of single moms" in Mommy Talk and I share your sentiments. Memories just started coming back. I was raised by a single mom. My father has a family of his own. It’s true, my mom had to make ends meet for us. She was both mom and dad to us – and she was good at it! I think the single-mom-know-it-all instinct is inherent in women. But what was so frustrating to see was her loneliness. I knew very well that she was longing for a partner and that no amount of happiness that we, her children, brought could equal or substitute for the love of a better half.

Whenever I look back at my life and remember all those depressing times (which were a lot), I say if given a chance to relive my life, I would still choose the same. But if I had a chance to redo my mom’ s life, I would see to it that she wouldn’t be a second wife and I would be more than happy to drop the chance of my own existence.

It wasn’t easy being illegitimate either. I perfected the art of lying at a young age. My classmates would ask me where my father was and I already had a prepared answer –he’s an overseas worker. Nobody explained to me what the situation was. I just figured it out by myself.

When Christmas time came (and all other occasions for that matter) my dad would come two days before. When we’d visit my dad’s relatives, my mom, my sister and I would always go after Christmas. One time, when we were at my aunt’s house (my dad’s sister), all of a sudden we were told to go upstairs and we were made to stay in a room – because the first family arrived. It didn’t happen once or twice but many times.

But having a hard life made me realize so many things. It taught me so much. I still consider myself very lucky. My mom only finished grade school but that did stop us from having better lives. My father didn’t fail to provide for us either. My sister and I are professionals now.

I am already married. I have a good husband. I am legitimate for a change – a legit wife.

So I hope everyone would be a conscious enough not to make the mistake of having children outside marriage ... it may be accepted in society but PUH-LEASE, it’s not an easy life.

May you and your family be embraced by God’s love always. – Star