‘Wala ka sa mood, paano ako?’: Padilla receives lecture on consent
MANILA, Philippines — Former "bad boy" turned Sen. Robinhood Padilla questioned if there was anything a husband could do to compel his wife to have sex with him even if she does not want to, leading to a lesson on consent.
Padilla, who is leading a Senate probe into complaints of sexual harassment and abuse in the media industry following allegations against GMA-7 contractors, asked lawyer Lorna Kapunan, a women's and children’s rights advocate, about the current definition of rape.
Kapunan made it clear: no means no, even in the context of marriage between a wife and a husband.
Padilla appeared to be surprised by this response.
"Mayroon kang sexual rights sa asawa mo. So halimbawa, hindi mo naman pinipili 'yung ‘in heat’. So paano 'yun kung ayaw ng asawa mo? So wala pong ibang paraan talaga? Para ma-ano 'yung lalaki, so paano 'yun, mambabae ka na lang ba?" Padilla asked during a hearing of the Committee on Public Information and Mass Media.
(You have sexual rights to your spouse. So, for example, you don’t pick when you are ‘in heat’. So what if your spouse is not in the mood? So there is no other way? What will the man do then, womanize?)
“Wala ka sa mood, paano ako?” asked Padilla. (If you are not in the mood, what about me?)
Padilla believed that a spouse is there to serve, and asked Kapunan what a husband could say or do to the wife to compel her to cater to his needs.
“Para 'di ako mareklamo ng asawa ko o ano. Ano pwede ko sabihin ko sa kanya?” Padilla asked. (So that I do not get a complaint from my wife, what could I say to her?)
“Counseling o magdasal nalang kayo,” Kapunan said. (Counseling or just pray.)
She also suggested that he could just watch Netflix.
Kapunan said that if a spouse refuses, whether or not it is valid, their decision must be respected.
“With all due respect, hindi po obligasyon ng isang wife, sabi mo is to ‘serve the husband’,” Kapunan said. (With all due respect, it is not the wife’s obligation to ‘serve the husband’.)
Padilla also asked if men could say no, to which Kapunan said that the right to refuse applies to both genders.
“'Yung basis ng psychological incapacity is 'yung mutual obligation ng mag-asawa of love and respect. Now part of love is showing your love, but kasama rin po do'n ang respect,” Kapunan said.
(The basis of psychological incapacity is mutual obligation of love and respect. Now part of love is showing your love, but that includes respect.)
Kapunan said that if a spouse does not want to have sex and the partner forces them, it shows a lack of respect and could become grounds for annulment.
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