Regine Velasquez reflects on 14-year marriage with Ogie Alcasid

MANILA, Philippines — Regine Velasquez and Ogie Alcasid have been married for 14 years, going on 15 this year, and the secret to their relationship is simple: constant communication and staying connected.

While Valentine’s Day is often a grand occasion for couples, Regine and Ogie keep their celebrations simple due to their busy schedules during this time of the year. Regine, for one, has a Valentine’s Day-themed series of shows, titled “Reset,” on Feb. 14 and 22 for original recordings and on Feb. 15 and 21 for her hit covers at the Samsung Performing Arts Theater in Circuit Makati.

“Normally, we get to celebrate after. Either after or before but it’s just simple. Dinner in the house and lagi naman siyang nagpapa-andar, na may roses siya na nakasingtangkad ko yung stem. Although I never expect it, he always delivers. It’s little things like that because my husband, even when there’s no occasion, he would suddenly give me gifts because I’m also like that.”

For Regine, gift-giving and acts of service, like cooking, are her love languages. “Not a lot of people know, but cooking is hard work. It’s actually work. Hindi ka naman magluluto ng adobo na adobo na siya agad, hindi naman. So you have to do it from scratch. Kasi ako, mahilig pa ko may concept-concept yung food na niluluto ko, so I really work hard.”

Regine believes that one of the most important aspects of a strong relationship is communication, even in subtle ways. “I think the secret to a lasting relationship is nonstop communication. I mean, there are times hindi naman kami nag-uusap, but the body language... Like I would be on my phone, but he’ll hold my hand while he is also on his phone, you know, checking his social media. Yun pa lang, parang that gesture na hino-hold yung hand kahit hindi kayo nag-uusap. There’s a connection — you need to be connected all the time.”

She also extends this philosophy to parenting as well. “Even with children, right? It’s important to be connected to them. Kahit na tanungin mo ng ‘How’s school?’ and ‘eh’ lang yung sagot sayo, at least alam nila na andun ka.”

For her and Ogie, daily conversations help maintain their bond. “Because even my husband, yung day-by-day niya, parang feeling ko kino-collect niya yun para pag-uwi niya, sasabihin niya lahat. Ganun siya, so kakausapin niya ako, and then I do the same thing.

“Sometimes with me, I have nothing to share. Alam mo, nung bago pa lang kami, this is funny — I would read the newspaper, which I never did before. I never did. Nagbabasa ako ng dyaryo para lang meron akong chismis sa kanya kasi siya madami siyang tsismis para lang (there’s interaction).”

She finds that a simple icebreaker can lead to deeper conversations. “It’s an effort too. But that’s how you get to know each other because that’s just the opening. Like, ‘Alam mo ba yung chismis? Eto na.’ And then eventually, the conversation will veer away from that,” she said.

“It’s just an icebreaker. Then, it will lead to other things like it’s gonna be about you, and what do you think about this kind of relationship? Gaganun na yan eh, magsasanga na yan. It will get deeper. So you just need one icebreaker — in any relationship.”

Regine has an interesting perspective on personal growth within marriage. “I also don’t believe in ‘you grow together.’ Parang ang hirap nun. You are two individuals with different characters, it’s hard yung nakaangkas ka ng nakaangkas dun sa (ano) mo kasi natatakot ka na baka you grow apart,” she said.

“Eventually, it will be like that really. You grow apart, but you meet in the middle. You try to talk — ano ba yung pwede pa nating gawin so that we can still be together even if we’re different people already?”

One thing Regine is similar to Ogie is that they’re both sentimental. “Yes, he’s super sentimental. He’s a very, very sensitive guy and very sentimental. That’s why he’s able to write all those songs. That’s why he’s also very romantic. And it’s also wonderful that he’s funny. Sensitivity is very important in a relationship. Kapag pareho kayong masungit, my gosh, wala man lang laughter. Bagot na bagot ka na din sa sarili mo.”

She acknowledges that both men and women go through emotional changes with age. “‘Di ba ‘pag tumatanda tayo sumusungit tayo. Totoo yun! Akala mo babae lang nagme-menopause? I’m sorry to say, sa lalaki meron din.”

However, they have managed to avoid serious fights. “But we never fight. When we do — I don’t even want to call it a fight because we really don’t — we talk. Ako kasi, mas medyo matagal ako kasi pino-process ko. I would process it first.

“Tapos pagka na-process ko na — if I didn’t like what you did, I will point out what I didn’t like because if makikipag-away ako at hindi ko ma-point out kung ano yung sama ng loob ko, diba, hindi niya makukuha?”

It was her husband who taught her how to express her emotions more openly. “He taught me to speak up. Because I don’t. ‘Di ba karamihan ng babae, sasaloobin nila, hanggang lumaki na tapos biglang ayaw mo na. But he was the one who taught me — you have to let me know what made you feel bad about what I did. Because if not, he wouldn’t know. Sa pagka-sensitive niya, he’s still a guy. He’s still insensitive in a way na hindi niya mahuhulaan yun. Kahit na magpasaring ka ng magpasaring, hindi niya malalaman hangga’t hindi mo ipo-point out exactly.”

She added, “Otherwise, men will not know. He was the one who taught me that — you need to let me know because I will not be able to figure it out. Kasi tayong mga babae, parang ang iniisip natin, ‘Alam mo na kung ano yun.’”

For Regine, marriage is already a challenge in itself, so she believes in avoiding unnecessary fights. “A relationship is already hard as it is, why make it harder? So, if you can avoid fighting, if you can avoid anything that would spark a fight or whatever, avoid. Because it’s really hard to maintain a relationship. You are two different people, and the thing is, there’s change pa, and you cannot help that — we all change.”

Meanwhile, The STAR asked Regine if they’re planning anything special on their 15th wedding anniversary this 2025.

Regine said that they had planned a special 10th-anniversary celebration, but it didn’t happen due to the pandemic.

“Nung nag-10 years kami, dapat magkakaroon na kami (ng special celebration). He was planning that and I just heard it from someone that he was already talking to someone that he wanted to have a celebration, a renewal of our vows, whatever. But then the pandemic happened and we ended up celebrating it at home. But it’s okay. There’s a reason for everything.”