Ali Sotto: You can surmount grief with love  

In December, it will be 19 years since Ali Sotto’s youngest child Miko Sotto died.

What the veteran broadcaster has proven to be true and irrefutable in her journey to overcoming grief over the loss of her beloved son is that “death cannot trump a mother’s love.”

“Where am I in the journey? In 2003, (Miko) passed away. 19 years na in December. Natatakot na nga ako to totally get over the grief,” Ali opened up in a recent virtual interview.

“Alam mo yung kanta, ‘Let the pain remain forever in my heart, if that’s the only way to be with you again?’ Because apart from the memories and all that, it’s the raw pain that connects you to him.”

Ali acknowledged that the pain lingers, but she has come to live with it — and even embrace it.

Sofia and Nino from eldest son Nino

“By God’s grace, the character of pain has changed. It’s there but by God’s grace, I’ve been able to… The journey continues but the pain is not sharp and yung parang feeling mo you’re drowning. The pain is there but I’ve learned to live with it and embrace it. We grieve because we love, ‘di ba? ‘Pag natanggap mo yun, you’ll know, we grieve because we love. Alam mo tama yun (what they say) it’s the price you pay for love.”

She was reminded of the love, strength and courage of every mother who has lost a child after seeing what became of the evergreen tree planted in honor of Miko’s memory. It now looms tall and striking behind their house in Conde de Orgaz in Madrid, where Ali lived with her husband, retired foreign diplomat Omar Bsaies, over a decade ago.

“(Because) he passed away in December 2003, Christmas time, Christmases were difficult for me. I wasn’t putting up the Christmas tree and ‘pag nakakakita lang ako ng Christmas lights, umiiyak na ako,” Ali shared.

“But when we were living in Madrid, around 2009 to 2010, I needed to set up a tree because yung Pasko na yun, nandun si Maru, his wife, si Mara (their daughter) and si Chino (my eldest) and Omar… And we got a live tree. After Christmas, we planted that in our garden,” she recalled the special joint Christmas celebration of her family with that of her ex-husband and father of her kids, Maru Sotto.

“Then a few months back, my husband got the chance to go back to Madrid, and the Miko tree was still there! It was so majestic, talagang ang laki na niya, and sabi ko, this is a testament of a mother’s grief, di ba? You can surmount your grief with love and by God’s grace, your mourning will turn into dancing. That’s my sentiment about grief now.”

Looking back, what also helped her through the grieving process was the support group she co-founded, INA, which stands for Inang Naulila sa Anak. The healing center provides psycho-social interventions to mothers who lost a child.

“I am well in that aspect because I still get together with my support group. Parang last week lang magkakasama kami ulit ni Manay Gina (de Venecia, co-founder) and other members of INA, yung support group namin… Grief got us together but we are now bound by our love for each other. Malaking bagay talaga yung support,” she said.

Through INA, Ali gets the chance to talk to mothers who are experiencing what she went through. “We still counsel mothers who have lost a child (and) then say, alam mo dadating ka sa point na don’t be sad when you see tears. Iyak ka lang because your tears celebrate your love for your child. It’s celebrating your love for your child. And death cannot trump a mother’s love,” she said.

In past interviews, Ali had likewise said that donating her son’s corneas to the Eye Bank Foundation of the Philippines helped her cope with her bereavement. Recipients were two girls named Esme and Jhunnalyn. Years after the organ donation, which has become her advocacy, it taught her that life goes on.

“One got married and she’s now a mom. She was three or four at that time (of the donation) and nung nandun ako sa GMA before the pandemic, she would visit me in the studio. Then, we would message each other on (Instagram), and ayun na-in love. Sinubaybayan ko yung kinasal na siya. Tapos meron na siyang pino-post na ultrasound na mga pictures. Life goes on, di ba?” Ali shared.

“Then, I asked her (one time), paano yung spelling ng Esme, parang Aesmi or Esme? Tapos natigilan siya, sabi niya, my friends actually call me Mica. ‘Di ba maiiyak ka talaga?

“The other one, Jhunnalyn, I’ve lost contact but ang kwento naman niya, feeling niya wala ng ma-i-in-love sa kanya because nabulag yung isang mata niya. But the last time I heard, many, many years ago, she went home to the province and got married.”

Ali would also get messages from young girls sharing their struggles in life, including depression and even suicidal thoughts, and thanking her for being an instrument of hope and inspiration through her experiences and words on her social media and TV programs.

“Yung impact sa akin, knowing that you have this effect even on just one life, that you’ve made a difference, it means so much to me. Makes me want to keep working. Conscious ako sa fact, lalo na young girls, I really really want to talk to these young girls, ‘You are enough. ‘Wag kang makikinig sa nagsasabi sayo na you’re not enough. You are enough,’” she said.

Meanwhile, keeping Ali’s life busy and exciting nowadays are her daily news-commentary show with Pat-P Daza, Ano sa Palagay N’yo?, on Net25 from 8 to 10 a.m. and her two grandchildren — Sofia and Nino — from eldest son Chino. “I’m their Mima, which is Arabic for Lola. Sweet talaga. Ang sarap! Talagang yun nga, di ba, chapter-chapter na ng buhay. It’s the cycle of life.”

Ali also admitted that while December is still not that easy for her, this time of the year no longer feels like a burden. “Ang dating ng Christmas lights and Christmas songs sa akin… it’s not hard, it’s not a struggle anymore, but it’s melancholy pa rin, it’s not merry.”

She has, however, learned to celebrate Christmas for what it truly is. “You become more inward-looking. Nawala na yung typical trappings ng Christmas, it’s highly commercialized, di ba? Christmas really is a time to look inwards and appreciate what you have,” she reflected.

“Hackneyed and cliched, but the spirit of Christmas, it’s really about our Savior. Ang tunay na diwa ng Pasko, I live that.”