Alex Gonzaga admits having 'mental breakdown' due to pressure as vlogger

MANILA, Philippines — Vlogger Alex Gonzaga revealed to her sister, host Toni Gonzaga, that she went through a lot of pressure to produce content for her YouTube channel. 

At one point, even her husband, Mikee Morada, was a witness to her going through a "mental breakdown."

In an episode of Toni's new self-titled TV show, which was also uploaded in her YouTube channel, Alex began by sharing how she started vlogging in 2017. 

"Kasi nga, sanay ako na feeling ko na walang nanonood sa akin sa mainstream media. So, feeling ko baka ganoon din sa YouTube," Alex said. 

Alex had been switching networks, from ABS-CBN to TV5 and then back to ABS-CBN. She mostly played support roles, but she was given main lead roles in TV5 with shows "Babaeng Hampaslupa" (2011) and "Enchanted Garden" (2012). 

She only felt that she was being recognized when her older sister told her about an incident when the latter was grocery shopping and people were looking for Alex. Toni added that she always reaffirms her younger sister's popularity whenever she can, adding that people always ask her where Alex was whenever she is traveling. 

But with her growing channel, Alex said that she has been pressured to produce content. The question came from one of her fans. 

“Mahirap kasi, 'yung akin kasi, kung kailan ko lang maisip. Minsan, nagkakaroon ako ng time na nakikita ko 'yung sarili ko na parang nape-pressure ako: ‘Shocks, wala ako this week. Wala akong magandang naisip'," shared Alex. "Pine-pressure ko 'yung sarili ko so may times na — nakikita ‘yun ng asawa ko — nagkakamental breakdown ako."

Her non-fans or "haters" also add to the pressure she is feeling. 

"Nape-pressure ako na, ‘Shocks, anong maganda kong gagawin?’ Kasi syempre, dahil 'yung vlog ko, minsan kapag may nakakapanood, meron nang mga haters din na nanonood. So feeling ko, ‘Ay, mapapangitan sila.’ So ngayon, nagkakaroon na sila ng factor,” the vlogger admitted. 

“May times na ‘Gusto ko ‘tong gawin pero hindi ko ‘to gagawin kasi magiging insensitive ako sa ibang tao',” she added. 

Toni shared her observation and commented that her younger sister now has a bigger responsibility as an online personality. 

"Alam ko na 'yung nangyari sa'yo kasi noong nagsisimula ka, wala pang nanonood, so you're free to be yourself. Ngayon 'di ba, with great power, comes great responsibility?" Toni quoted a popular adage.  

"Hindi siya pressure but it's more of awareness na you have to be responsible sa content na nilalabas ko because I know I'm influencing a lot of people," Toni added. 

In the end, Alex said that she has found a way to deal with pressure on creating her vlog content. 

"Ngayon, ang pinag-aaralan ko sa sarili ko is if wala akong ma-post na video this week because wala akong maisip, wala akong magawa. It’s okay. I have to deal with it. ‘Yun 'yung process ko ngayon," Alex shared. 

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