Derek Ramsay, from eligible bachelor to proud family man
MANILA, Philippines — Derek Ramsay recently opened up about the “ups and downs,” the joys and challenges of fatherhood.
Perhaps if you want to know just how time flies, Derek sets a concrete example. Pre-pandemic, he was touted as one of the most eligible bachelors. Now, he’s a proud family man and dad of two — Austin, his 18-year-old son from a previous relationship and of course, Elias, the four-year-old son of wife Ellen Adarna.
The actor-businessman joked that being a parent to a teenager and preschooler at the same time has definitely added “a few wrinkles to my face.” When it comes to parenting though, he told The STAR in a virtual chat that he always remembers the counsel of his British father, Derek Ramsay Sr., whom he described as “the greatest man out there, my best friend and idol.”
“My dad always told me that sometimes, you just have to do something that you don’t want to do, but it’s for the best,” Derek recalled his dad’s “best advice.”
“Like he said, ‘With you, you wanted to be a man, you wanted to be alone, you wanted your freedom, I gave it to you. But every night, I was worried. I was wondering where you are but I just had to trust in the foundation that I gave you. And here you are, a man and you’ve built your world, you’ve built your family.’”
This advice is proving to be useful for Derek in parenting a teenager. After his recent graduation from high school, Austin decided to move out of the actor’s home. Allowing his son to do so “was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life,” Derek admitted.
“When Austin wanted his freedom I said okay, that’s what you want. That’s what I’ll give you but with that said, the door is always open if you want to come back here. Every time you need help, I’m always here for you.”
“I did the same with my parents, so that they can see how it teaches you a lesson that, No. 1, it’s not easy to make money… be responsible with regards to money and yourself.
“Because he’s gonna take a gap year (before college) which is, I guess, a common practice for us in the UK. It’s good if you do something off it, but if you party, party, party on your gap year, not good. But it can give you direction on what you want to do in your life rather than just suddenly jumping into a course that you’re not even sure of.”
“I trust him. I trust that he’ll be smart about his choices,” Derek added, including his son venturing into the young romance department. Nevertheless, he said his constant reminder is to “always respect women, never talk back, definitely never hit a woman.”
“I also told him that this probably won’t be his last girlfriend. So relax… don’t forget the rest of the world. We’re all still here. Definitely don’t forget about your responsibilities, which is your schooling,” he said.
Amid the “ups and downs” of the father-teen son relationship, seeing Austin graduate though “just made you forget all of those downs.”
No one is more proud than Derek himself, especially as he saw Austin put in all the hard work.
“Education is really really important. Konti nalang yung mga stories naririnig natin na super successful like mga parents natin na di nakapag-tapos, but they were able to get somewhere in life. It’s harder to do that now because of competition. And access to information is so easy, so I told him he has to take advantage of this blessing – getting an education — aalagaan niya, put in the work. And he did! He graduated so he’s really proud of himself.”
Fatherhood amid pandemic
For Derek, one of the biggest blessings of fatherhood is that it teaches you to love unconditionally. “As a parent, expect a lot of time where you’re going to be disappointed. You’re going to be hurt. But you have to stand strong for your child,” he reflected.
“I’ve always believed that sticks and stones can break your bones but words will never hurt me. But when it comes from your child, sometimes may tama eh. I guess if you’re gonna say regrets, I wish I could have handled those times better. But then, when I look back, this is my first son. I didn’t know how you’re supposed to react. First time for me to feel that kind of pain and first time to feel that kind of joy. It’s a learning process. You need a lot of patience to continuously learn and continuously be patient.”
Nevertheless, becoming closer to Austin was one of the most positive things that came out of the pandemic, Derek said.
“A lot of people realized that we kind of forget about family because we’re so busy with our work. I’ve always been a family-oriented guy, but definitely I won’t lie. Before the pandemic, I was proud that my son was living with me already and studying here in the Philippines. But it was tough. You know, I got him as a teenager.
“And during the pandemic with the online classes, you can’t go out, we’re in lockdown. It was good for us, in a sense that we got to spend more time with each other. The pandemic definitely brought us closer.”
It was also during this time that Derek was called “Daddy” by Austin for the very first time, a touching video of which was shared on social media. “God, I broke down and I’m not embarrassed, grown men cry, especially if it’s with regards to people they love and their kid,” he recalled.
“I remember running up the stairs and just going to Ellen. And she thought somebody died or something because I was in tears. And I told her, (Austin) called me Dad the first time, like really called me Dad. And we hugged it out. I was crying, crying and then later that day, Ellen showed me the video (that her friend took).
“It super hit me in the heart. I guess the pandemic helped our relationship get to that point. And most definitely, the relationship between Ellen and I helped my son and I get to that point.”
Blended family
Derek is proud and grateful that his son has a “very good” relationship with Ellen and her son Elias.
“Austin likes Elias and Ellen and vice versa. Ellen thinks Austin is a great kid. He’s a great kid. A really, really good kid. So their relationship is very okay. And Elias and Austin, their birthdays are just one day apart… on the 27th and 28th of June. It’s like this was all written,” Derek shared.
Marriage to Ellen also brought the gift of Elias’ presence in his life.
Elias, who fondly calls Derek as Papa D, is a very precocious and wonderful child, the actor happily noted.
“You know, I love him as if he’s my own. He’s a very important person in my life. ‘Pag wala nga siya sa bahay, nalulungkot ako. Because he’s such a wonderful boy.”
Derek and Ellen’s Instagram accounts offer glimpses of the growing bond that binds Elias and his Papa D, and how much they get along with each other.
He revealed, “He sleeps in the bed with us. ‘Pag wala ako, kunwari nagising siya, nasa golf ako or I had work, ‘Where’s Papa D?’ ‘Pag-baliktad naman, pag nagising siya at ako katabi, hanap niya kaagad si Mama, and usually nag-me-meditate na si Mama, maaga nagigising si Ellen, so (he’ll say) can you please call Mama? Or, kapag si Ellen naman, pinapa-video call nila ako pag-gising nila. Nakakatuwa talaga, it’s such a nice feeling.”
“As a father, I’m just trying to teach him sports, discipline and respect. But with no effort. I don’t know, but it’s natural for me to love and care for Elias,” he added.
Indeed, it may be the most natural thing in the world for Derek to be a loving and doting father to Elias, but he also knows his place.
Derek stressed that he’s not out to replace actor John Lloyd Cruz’s role as the father.
“I spoke to John Lloyd and told him that I know my position. I respect you as the father of Elias and this is not a competition,” he revealed.
“We’re all on the same page, which is to care, love and give what’s best to Elias.”
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