Breaking the silence on mental health

“Be kind” is what I tell to the viewers of Tonight With Boy Abunda night after night as my parting shot. It’s not a spiel. It truly comes from my heart. “Be kind” is what I will also say to people who cannot completely understand what people with mental health issues go through. Mental health issue is an invisible sickness spoken only in whispers. BRATS (Boy R. Abunda Talk Series) wants to break that silence. BRATS wants to break that wall. It’s time to tell that mental health needs to be addressed so that no one would suffer silently in the dark.

Depression is a mental health condition and it was the subject of discussion during the second round of BRATS held recently at the Satin Room 2 of Seda Vertis North Hotel. How did it come about? Sometime ago, I got a text message from my friend Bela Padilla and this was around the time when famous fashion designer Kate Spade was reported dead and then followed by the celebrity chef and author Anthony Bourdain. Both committed suicide. Bela, in her text message said, “Tito Boy, we have to do something. We have to talk about mental health issues.” And I said, “I don’t know what to do but I hear you out.” A few weeks before that, a friend died by suicide. Two children of our friend also died by suicide. It was not a story you read on papers and it was not a story you watched on TV.

BRATS 2 happened because of Bela and because of our friends who encouraged us to be brave enough to talk about what is not usually talked about. 2016 Miss International Kylie Versoza, motivational speaker Quennie Maravillas, former varsity player Nykko Bautista, Jasmine Curtis-Smith and Bela willingly shared and bravely revealed what they went through in the past.

Kylie was diagnosed as clinically depressed four years ago. On stage, she revealed, “I am ugly. I’m stupid. I’m worthless. I’m not good enough. I’m not smart enough. I’m not pretty enough. These were the things I kept on telling myself over and over again four years ago when I was diagnosed as clinically depressed. But they expect you to be perfect and they asked, ‘Why? You come from a good family. You have good friends, you come from a good school, you are in a good relationship.’ But deep down inside, I was lost, I was broken and truth be told, I was ‘dead.’”  

Kylie was in denial when she was diagnosed as clinically depressed. She was ashamed to talk about it because people expect her to be “perfect.”

“I thought, I don’t need help. I don’t need anyone. But ironically, these were the things I needed the most. When someone has fever, we normally say to take a rest or drink medicine. Or when a person has cancer, we often ask, ‘Are you okay? You should be treated right away or undergo chemo.’ But when someone is depressed, we call him or her may sira sa ulo, baliw o nag-i-inarte lang. The only time we lend a hand is when it’s too late, when someone already commits suicide.”

For those suffering from depression, Kylie advised them not to be afraid to speak the truth and don’t be shy to speak to a loved one. “Listen and be there for them,” she stressed.

Kylie also shared that his dad was diagnosed as bipolar and has been taking medication for the past 10 years. She felt something different with herself when she started having a tough time to focus. She couldn’t function well and couldn’t even think straight. What’s good, Kylie has a good support system around her. She went the natural way by having to exercise a lot, doing yoga and being around people who are ready to listen. “So the next time you see a crazy man on the street or someone you think nag-i-inarte lang, think about me,” she concluded.

Twenty-four-year-old Nykko had a similar story. He was diagnosed with depression. For someone who is active in curricular activities aside from being a medical student, it’s hard to think that he is suffering from the said condition. It started two years ago, Nykko confirmed, when his friends noticed something was off about him. He couldn’t sleep well and had difficulty functioning.

“I thought it was normal,” he said. “Then, it started getting downhill, everything was magulo. I’m not enjoying anything. I usually go out, watch movies and eat out with friends pero wala I didn’t feel any pleasure. I started taking sleeping pills to sleep better pero wala di nakatulong. I don’t see my purpose in life anymore.”

Nykko was thinking of committing suicide but thankfully, he had a change of heart. “I got scared. I was thinking what will happen to my family if I die because I know there are people who care about me. I remembered one quote that said suicide will never be the answer. It does not end your pain. It will only transfer your pain to someone else. And I don’t want my parents to suffer from pain.” Nykko also said he knew he’s okay by recognizing what the five senses can do.

No one knew Quennie attempted to commit suicide five times. Her scars served as proof. She is deemed by many as strong because she speaks about positivity in life since she is a motivational speaker. That’s why no one asks her if she is okay. Truth is, according to her, she’s not okay. She admitted to have suffered from depression. How? She wanted to become a teacher but she lost it. She wanted to become a politician and again, she lost it. She wanted to be with someone but failed. She lost everything that she wanted. Her twin brother was clueless because all along he thought his sister was happy in life.

But Quennie knew she had to be strong. She has to keep on living and with God’s grace, she is with us until this day.

Who would’ve thought Jasmine and Bela, too, are equally suffering from depression? Bela said she is easily affected by the characters she portrays and finds difficulty in detaching herself from them. Like her character in Ang Probinsyano where her husband was killed, her son died, she was raped and eventually she also died. It took her long before she completely processed within herself that it was just a role and nothing bad happened to her in reality.

Jasmine, on the other hand, said her condition started during her younger years with her experiences as a kid.

“I wasn’t able to talk about it to people who could’ve enlightened me. Sometimes, you just need someone to listen to you and accept you without judgment,” said Jasmine who also compared depression to a black dog in a sense that it is something you can control.  

“You just live with it. It’s there but you don’t keep it near you all the time. You can train it because you don’t look at it always as a bad thing. Once you know how to train it, it can be something that teaches you something to help other people.”

Jasmine continued, “Depression for me is what keeps me in the past. I can’t move on and I’m still trying to solve it now. I now have something to talk on completely without filter because this was something I knew I never did with my psychiatrist, ‘yun ‘yung alam ko na wini-withhold ko dahil takot pa ko, di ko alam kung hanggang saan ako pwedeng magkwento and that’s me keeping myself from progressing. I have an avenue now and my next step is to go back again to a mental health professional because I know I can’t solve this with just a friend and family members only.”

How is she doing now?

“I’m getting there,” Jasmine replied.

(BRATS 2: Mental Health was made possible with the support of GSIS president and GM lawyer Jesus Clint Aranas, BEAUTeDERM, M.E Sicat Construction, Orange Blush Salon, BARLICO - The Healthy Brew and Great Image.)