Mark Bautista: Beyond the Memoir

‘Did I think about the big risk I was taking when I wrote the book, like losing my career and everything? I did. Whatever happens now, I am ready for it. I leave it all to God.’

First, a disclaimer: Mark Bautista is not banned in any or all of the shows in ABS-CBN.

You see, after the release of his tell-all memoir titled Beyond The Mark, there was a rumor that Mark was “barred” from entering the ABS-CBN premises and “banned” from the network’s shows. Before he went to London in 2014 to play Ferdinand Marcos in the musical Here Lies Love (about the rise of Imelda Marcos), Mark was a regular on the Kapamilya noontime Sunday show ASAP.

Once and for all, Conversations texted Cory Vidanes, ABS-CBN COO of Broadcast, to clarify the yarn.

“No,” Cory texted back. “it’s not true.” Meaning, Mark is not “banned.”

Did Mark commit any “crime” in the book that made people presume that there was such a “ban?”

“I wouldn’t know,” said Mark in this exclusive Conversation, the first ever and the only time he said he was talking. “I have no idea.”

It’s a pity that out of the 127 pages of the book that sold out within days of its release (in National Bookstore outlets), some quarters singled out a page titled “Friendshift” that chronicles what Mark describes as a “bromance” that led to two intimacies. No need to elaborate on that in this space. Actually, the rest of (or the whole) book traces Mark’s childhood from Cagayan de Oro to his rise as a singer-actor both here and abroad.

He discusses at length his sexuality which has been the subject of speculation (and “suspicion”), confessing about his close encounters with both men and women, saying “I love both sexes,” and adding that he does dream of marrying (yes, a girl) and having his own family.

In the following “tell-all” Conversation, Mark opens his heart — and fears — about what lies beyond the memoir.

How do you feel now that the book is out?

“I was happy the first time I got hold of the book. Mixed emotions ang naramdaman ko. I told myself, ‘Ano bang pumasok sa utak ko na nabuo ko ito?’ At first I couldn’t believe it. Masaya ako.”

What exactly did you feel, relief or regret?

“Relief more than anything. Relieved that I was finally able to get the load off my chest; lumuwag ang pakiramdam ko na nai-labas ko na sa dibdib ko. The question on my mind is, what comes next? What will happen next? But I have no regrets, wala akong pinagsisihan. It’s not something that, you know, what if this doesn’t work? There has been no hesitation. All I can say is, thank God, I made this move!”

Did you think 10 or a hundred times before you decided to do it?

“It took a long process. There were so many incidents and circumstances that led to the writing. Nagkatahi-tahi na lang lahat. My heart was screaming to get something out, to get rid of a heavy load; my soul was hungry for nourishment. Everything happened not just overnight. Mahaba at matagal ang naging proseso.”

So you really weighed everything before you included them in the book? Did you leave out anything?

“If you read the book, you will notice that it’s not done na sobrang detalyado. I was told that the book was limited to 127 pages, so I couldn’t have put everything about my life in only that much space. I don’t think naman na ganoon lang kaiksi ang buhay ko, ang mga karanasan ko. Some parts have to be told in a nutshell. Pero may mga tinagggal.”

Maseselan ba ‘yung mga tinanggal?

“Hmmm, maseselan ba? Hindi naman masyado. Ano ba ‘yung mga tinanggal…” (Thinks hard) “Oh yes, the parts about Rico Yan. Before I joined showbiz, sobra kong inidolo si Rico Yan. That was in 2002 and I was in the province at that time. I cried when I saw the TV coverage of his wake and burial. I thought, ganyan kaya karaming tao ang makikiramay kapag namatay ako? Those parts were removed kasi hindi na daw kailangan.”

Did you read tell-all books of other celebrities (Ricky Martin, Cliff Richard, Olympian Greg Louganis, et al) before you wrote your book that might have inspired you?

“I knew that Ricky Martin wrote a book but I haven’t read it and the other books.”

Your idol, Anderson Cooper, “outed” himself and his image wasn’t adversely affected. You met Cooper at the CNN office in New York (where you attended an acting class). Did he somehow inspire you into also “outing” yourself?

“He gave me a copy of his book, Dispatches From The Edge, which has nothing about his sexuality; it’s more about his life, growing up being the son of Gloria Vanderbilt and the risks that he has to take in his career as a journalist. But it’s true that when we met, I thought that if ever I would come out with a ‘confession,’ I wanted Anderson Cooper to be the one to interview me. I admire him because even after he ‘came out,’ he has maintained his dignity as a person and as a journalist.”

At what point in your life did you decide to finally write the book?

“I think that was when I was in Seattle for the restaging there of Here Lies Love. While I was in London where the musical was staged for the first time, I wasn’t very open with myself. May mga Pinoy akong kasama sa bahay kaya ingat ako. Wala sa isip ko ang magwala, ganoon, na gusto kong mag-try. And I was focused only on work.

“I was living with two Filipinos and we slept in separate rooms. That lasted for eight months. At home, we would talk about our lives but I was evasive about talking more about myself, especially when they mentioned rumors about me, ‘O, Mark, ano ba ito?’ Hindi ako nag-o-open up; lagi akong may wall. Hindi ako masyadong ma-share. At the theater, ‘yung mga kasamahan ko dinadala ang mga partners nila and I noticed that they were casual about it. Wala lang, relax lang sila. They talked casually and openly about themselves.”

And then came Seattle…

“We first stayed one month in New York for rehearsals before we went to Seattle. We would be together for six months every day and we were staying in a hotel, so slowly I started to open up starting at the airport as soon as we arrived. Ayoko ng mayroon pang ‘wall.’ They were receptive naman and very welcoming, so I’m happy for that. They were very understanding. Nag-relax na ako. In Seattle, I even dated a girl, ‘yung friend ng kasamahan ko.”

How did your family react when they read the book?

“You know, the weight of the book is, para sa akin, a major thing talaga. I doubt if my family and relatives, and my closest friends, knew about my personal struggle. In our family, we don’t discuss those things. We have relatives in New York at nakasama ko sila, and at wala pa akong naririnig from them, although I heard that they have been calling my mom. Siempre, na-shock sila lahat!”

But in the book, it seems clear that your mom has an idea. She recalled what when you were a kid, she asked who your crush was, a boy or a girl, and you replied, “Boy.” I think she knew. Mothers are the first to know, aren’t they?

“When I came back from Seattle, my family fetched me at the airport. As soon as I got into the car, I let everything out, I told them everything. Maluwag na sa puso ko kasi nga nag-decide na ako sa Seattle na maging open ako.”

Did anybody, according to rumors, request you or your publisher to delay the release of the book?

“I don’t know if somebody or anybody did. The book was originally scheduled to be released in October last year but I don’t know why it was delayed.”

Did anybody read the manuscript and request you to remove anything?

“No. Walang ganyan.”

Didn’t you think of how the book would impact your career?

“Yes, I did think about that. When I wrote the book, wala akong inisip na ibang intensyon aside from letting it out of my chest. After I wrote it, ang daming nagsabi sa akin, ‘Mark, you are taking a big risk.’ My friends in New York did warn me about how the book would affect my career. And yes, I did fear about losing everything. But whatever happens, I am ready. I leave it all to God. His will be done. All I can say is that I feel liberated that I have unburdened a heavy load from my chest. I feel free.”

In Lastikman with Sarah Geronimo who told him they were better off as friends when he courted her; and as Ferdinand Marcos in the London West End musical Here Lies Love.

Now, aren’t you afraid that people might keep distance from you?

“I really hope not.”

Are you in a relationship now?

“No, I’m not.”

Will there be a Part 2?

“I don’t know. If ever, it would have to be about the continuing journey of my life.”

By the way, Mark, how would you react if you bump into your ”Friendshift/bromance” and his ex-girlfriend?

(Pauses and blurts out) “Naku, hindi ko na kinakaya ang mga tanong mo. Hehehe. Pass muna.”

(Note: For more on Mark Bautista, tune in to Kapuso Mo, Jessica Soho tonight on GMA.)

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