I, too, have been bashed

While I am not in any way, shape or form what you would call ‘Internet savvy,’ I have learned to embrace this new medium with respect. But my being an outsider, a non-participant in this virtual community, has not spared me from the insults and indignities.

I am a lurker, a stalker, an unwanted guest and the unseen visitor on many social media platforms. While I am not in any way, shape or form what you would call “Internet savvy,” I have learned to embrace this new medium with respect like a worthy enemy or a snake coiled to strike at the slightest provocation.

But embracing it doesn’t mean surrendering to all its charms. Being who I am, I want — I NEED — to be in control of my relationship with this new lover. Whatever course or direction I take, it must be one that I have chosen devoid of considerations of whether or not it is trending, going viral, is clickable or up-worthy. 

Which is why, sadly, I am unable at the moment to have my own accounts on Twitter, Tumblr, Linkedin, Facebook or even Instagram. Owing to the complexities and intricacies of my current professional ties, my unbridled, unrestrained and definitely not for minors musings on my own inanities and the world’s injustices would have to wait. At least for a while longer, or sooner. Whatever.

Meanwhile, I sleep shamelessly with my books and wild imaginings. I go to the Internet when I need it. Only when I need it.

But my being an outsider, a non-participant in this virtual community, has not spared me from the insults and indignities that only anonymous gremlins have the gall to heap upon their hapless victims. Like many before me, I have been bashed and my reputation tarnished mercilessly, for which reason my mind still struggles to fathom. This happened two years ago after my painful hospital ordeal when I was in the threads of many online conversations of netizens who knew absolutely nothing about anything of my life, yet spoke as if they knew my past, saw my future and could see into my very soul.

I even saw a website that had a eulogy for me — poor me who passed away due to colon cancer. Another thread was more compassionate — or so it seemed — that I was released from the hospital but had to be surreptitiously returned because my terminal illness had metastasized.

There were online whispers, aspersions that I tested positive to HIV. “I’m not sure but I know someone who is a relative of someone who works for St. Luke’s and he swears by his pet cat’s life that he saw the result of his test,” a wily fox posted. That I had dengue, typhoid fever and TB were the kindest rumors. “Naku, paano na ang hada ni Boy Abunda,” jeered an impertinent, vicious ogre. My name was at one point one of the most searched on the Net according to an article in The Philippine STAR.

How did I fight back? I didn’t! I prayed to God for strength, tenacity and wisdom. I asked for help from my ferocious Waray ancestors for them to ward off all the evil energy being thrown at me by bashers and evil sorcerers. I cajoled all the aswangs and kapres in the wilderness of Samar to thwart my harassers. Then I let go, and let God.

In the meantime, I took a short leave from work, changed my lifestyle, ate the right kind of food, exercised, accepted the truth that I was not invincible — recovered fast — and sashayed back to my work on TV, cleared of the uncontaminated abscess found in my liver by the brilliant doctors of St. Luke’s. I gained back the pounds I lost, armed with the love of family and friends who wished me well. In three months, I was at my healthiest body and soul.

But what about the Internet and its vast potential for both good and evil? What about the 24/7/365 cycle of news, information, trivia, gossip, nonsense, stupidity, genius and everything else in between? What of the billions of friends and followers, fans and fiends, trolls and trollops? What of my journey into its depths and my hopeful conquest of its highest heights? 

Well, like I said, it will have to wait for now. One day, when I am not anymore tied to contracts, then I will dance with the bashers and the haters 25 hours a day like Goodah! Until then, I will continue to embrace my truth, which is peace, online or off.