My 16-day ordeal

(Last of 3 parts)

I was knocked out and humbled by my misbehaving liver. I also have become more accepting. And hopefully, I came out of my hospital ordeal a better human being. Coming from pain and redemption, I discovered my truth and my God!

I’ve been more relaxed in the last few weeks. I’m back on TV and I’m home. I also don’t sweat the small stuff anymore.

The great Barbara Walters was quoted to have said, “Fight the big battles, the small ones will just tire you.” So I’m taking it slow. I know I’m not Iron Man anymore. There is more clarity in what my priorities are. I’m able to answer now the question as to what it is that I really want which is to be able to provide for my family, to take care of my mother, and to be the best child of God.

I no longer push myself to the devilish edge. I did that all my life. Four or five in the afternoon, I am done with my paperworks. I rest and I listen to music.

I pray to God that He gives me the courage to be consistent. This is my way of answering Him when He spoke to me through my recalcitrant liver. I now accept that I have gotten older and that I cannot do everything. Hopefully, I’ll be able to say no to the things I cannot do with peace and humility.

I hope to be in control with Him. And I promise to listen to His “whisper.”

While in the hospital, I fervently prayed that I be given the chance to take care of my family, most especially Nanay. When you’re sick and you have a mother who has mild dementia and she’s 85 years old, you face head on your issue on mortality. And you realize how powerless you are. You kneel and you accept.

So much has changed. I’m able to talk about these things now. That Nanay will not be here forever and that I will not be around forever.

Here are some notes I scribbled when I was in the hospital. I wrote them down on the ninth day of my hospitalization.?1. Say no – to what you cannot do.?2. Nothing is worth more than a healthy life, especially if you’re taking care of an 85-year-old mother who has mild dementia.?3. Spend more time with family.?4. Simplify, simplify, simplify!?5. Rest. Take a break. Have fun.?6. Listen to your body.?7. Eat properly.?8.  Exercise.?9. Audit your jobs. Do only those you think you can.?10. You’re not Iron Man!?11. Pray to God.?12. Be grateful!?13. Forgive

There were episodes in the hospital when even if you were surrounded by family, doctors and nurses, it was only you, your pain and God. I would cry quietly, feel the pain head on and pray to God for mercy. I was weak, powerless and stripped naked of pride and that illusion that I alone was in control. I begged for strength and forgiveness. My mind would talk to my body to stand up and move around the hospital room. “Walk, go to the door, move to the small kitchen and back to the bed. Or go to the small living room so you can exercise a bit. Eat whatever is served, you need it.” My body would remain weak and immobile, head bowed — too weak to even make one single step towards nowhere.

Then I would pray and surrender! And patiently wait for the next day.