Here’s the Rob

MANILA, Philippines - Comedian Rob Schneider has done many things in his career, from being a cast member of Saturday Night Live to starring alongside his pal, Adam Sandler, in a host of movies. He was also the leading man — or woman or animal, depending which film you watched — in his own comedic vehicles The Hot Chick, The Animal and Deuce Bigalow. He made a jump to TV last year with the short-lived comedy, Rob, last year. But lately, Schneider has returned full swing to his first love, stand-up comedy; and he’s coming back to our fair shores on Oct. 28 with his new show.
So is stand-up your main thing now? Not movies?
You gotta give 100 percent of your concentration. If it’s a movie, you gotta eat, sleep, breathe it; otherwise, don’t do it. First of all, it’s tough to make movies. The only way to really do it if you throw yourself into it. And honestly, it’s tough to do a stand-up show. Like, I’m in Australia right now, we have a sold-out show in Perth and in Sydney, and I’ve been working a year and a half to do these shows and I don’t take it lightly. I want to be the best comedian in the world, otherwise, why do it? I mean, I’m famous all over the place, but most people don’t know that I do stand-up. I think I hold my own with anyone out there right now. I’m not bragging, but you have to be professional about what you’re doing. And there are some great comics out there right now. And I want people to come and laugh their a--es off.
Do the mixed reviews for your shows bother you?
You have to be cognizant of the audience and what they want to see — and critics have a place, too. I don’t always agree with them. But you know, a movie is open to different interpretation, but if you do a stand-up act, and everybody is laughing, it’s kind of hard to not report that. You’d have to be a real a-- to not report that.
One movie critics were talking about this year was Grown Ups 2, the Adam Sandler movie you didn’t appear in.
I was doing stand-up and my wife was having a baby when (they were filming), so no regrets about that. I did the first one! What the hell does Adam Sandler want from me? I did 17 movies with him, what else does he want? I wanted to spend time with my family! That’s 17 years with him! Leave me alone! (Laughs)
What would you say is the biggest challenge as a stand-up comedian for you?
To make them laugh for an entire hour and 20 minutes. To have them laughing really intensely and keeping my energy up and giving them a real ride, just like George Carlin or Richard Pryor — those are my heroes. That’s the idea. Don’t slow down — just keep going.
Touring is a pretty tough gig; how do you “just keep going”?
I not only take vitamins, I bought the company. Beyondhealth.com is a company that makes these vitamins I take and I’ve known the guy for years and I said, “You know what? I’m spending so much on your vitamins.” I mean, I take about 40 to 60 vitamins a day. I’m going to be 50 in a couple of weeks and I don’t want to slow down, so I ended up buying 50 percent of the company. I’m putting my money where my mouth is. And tea — I love Chinese tea!
Well, what do you think of people watching your movies after all this time?
It’s cool that people still (watch) my movies 10 years later. Little girls still like my movie, The Hot Chick, and people still come up to me and say, “My wife and I saw Deuce Bigalow on our first date and we have three kids now,” so it’s cool that you become part of the background of people’s lives.
That’s kind of nice. I never thought about that. I was just trying to avoid a day job and doing something that I loved. The next thing I know, it just worked out. I still feel like I’m just getting started. I still feel like I’ve something to prove, you know? Like my mother used to say, “So what?” Filipinos, you know. Asian mums are tough. But they push you to be successful, I guess.
What kind of legacy would you like to leave behind?
He never wasted time trying to look cool! (Laughs) I don’t try to look cool in my movies. I’m just trying to get laughs. That’s the main focus. And if I can make you laugh from your gut, then I feel like I’ve done something. That’s the reason I’m still working.
I want to make people laugh really hard. I try not to be self-conscious about it. Like Sacha Baron Cohen, that guy is a genius! He doesn’t give a s---. That guy will wrestle other guys naked. That’s disgusting, but it’s hilarious. Jim Carrey, physically, he’s fearless! Very few people in the world can do that. And if you’re lucky enough to be able to go for it, then go for it. No regrets.
So is life in Hollywood like everything we see on TV?
It’s an elitist narcissistic business. You know the old joke? About the actor and a woman comes up to him and says, “You were so funny and charming and I saw you in this television show and I want to take you back to my place and give you the best ------- you’ll ever have,” and the actor says, “What’s in it for me?” (Laughs).
It’s this business of “can I get an award” or “who am I going to be working with” or “what have they done?” It’s something I realized a long time ago about what show business really is: Show business is God’s great distraction for people who would do much more harm to the planet if they weren’t distracted by this unimportant, unnecessary, narcissistic venture. That’s my take.
Well, you’ve managed to keep your name out of the tabloids and stuff...
Yeah, I’m not in the tabloids, but I’m also not in those awards shows, too. I don’t get in trouble, but I am not trying to get on TV too often. I just do enough to stay out there. I do think that because of my stand-up show and my new TV show that I’m going to do, I’m going to get more attention, but I’ll be ready for it now.  So I am going to make sure that a.) I do a good show; and b.) figure what’s next, and keep going. And when you’re done; you’re done.
And what is next for you?
I am going to do a TV show called The Real Rob with my wife. Not the CBS show, it’s a different show. I’m producing this myself and I’m looking forward to doing that. It’s a sitcom, but you know, based on my real life. It’s not the phoney one that CBS did, but my real one. This is going to be more real and it’ll be fun.
Watch Rob Schneider live on Oct. 28, 8 p.m. at the Grand Ballroom, Solaire Resort & Casino. Tickets are priced at P3,500 and P5,500 from TicketWorld.com.ph or call 891-9999.