Billy: Only God knows!

It is never easy to say goodbye. Many were surprised when Billy Crawford and Nikki Gil ended their almost five-year relationship.

Their talent agency, ALV Talent Circuit, released a statement regarding their break-up. We quote, “On behalf of our artists, Billy Crawford and Nikki Gil, we are greatly saddened by their admission that they have indeed mutually agreed to end their relationship of more than four years… With due respect to their privacy, we are refraining from issuing any other facts or statements related to the issue at this critical juncture.”

Billy guested in The Buzz to shed light on the break-up issue. He was in pain throughout the live interview. Hurt was written all over him.

“Nawawala ako. I’m very lost. Very confused. Walang kinalaman si Nikki. It all boils down to me. It’s an indescribable feeling. All this negativity and confusions. The sadness. The hurt. Nikki has not been anything apart from good to me. Everything I said (on the VTR) a while ago, she is a dream come true when it comes to finding the right one. But it’s hard to find the right one kung ikaw mismo you are not right. And, it’s been a while I think. I don’t know who to blame,” a teary-eyed Billy confessed.

He said Nikki has done nothing wrong. “Lahat ng tao kasi nakikita nila ako. Masayahin. Matulungin. I try to do everything that I can for everyone to be happy, especially the people around me. People that I love. And I forgot what makes me happy. I forgot who I am. I don’t know what I’m doing cause all I know what to do is work. It’s been almost 26 years that I’m in this industry. I’ve been everywhere. And this is the first time I have felt this way. That’s why I ask everyone to not blame Nikki. She has no fault. I’m not a perfect guy. I’m not a perfect person. I’ve done some things in my life that I regret and she supported me. She understood. She was there. But I tend to go home by myself. It’s so simple kasi to go around with friends and to enjoy and forget about the problems, whatever you’re going through, especially kung may naririnig kang problema na pinagdadaanan ng mga kaibigan mo. Sobrang daling makalimutan kung ano iyong root, ano yung problema. Nakalimutan ko, ako eh. I’m the one who’s completely lost and I’m searching. I asked her this, give me the chance to find myself. That’s very different. (She said) ‘Yeah.’ I tend to hurt and I tend to hurt her. I really don’t want to do this interview for sympathy. I don’t want everybody to feel bad for me. I mean, whatever happens, happens.”

For clarity, I asked him why he broke up with Nikki. “Honestly, it’s so hard to love someone and to continue if I don’t even love myself… If I’m unhappy. I can’t force her to be a certain person who I want her to be. And it’s vice versa. She wasn’t able to force me being someone who she thought I am. So I think sa akin lang, it’s so hard because even ako mismo Tito Boy, that’s why I am searching because I just don’t know... It’s so simple to say na yeah you outgrew each other. It’s four and a half years of, to me, beautiful memories.”

Billy admitted that he still loves Nikki but he has to let her go. “I just fell out off the face of the earth. People see me every day but they don’t see me when I’m home. I love her. I still do. But it’s unfair to continue if I’m the one… I didn’t want to continue to hurt her because I became distant. And I don’t want to continue to hurt her ’cause if I continue with this relationship, in the long run hindi na kami magkakatugma eh. We don’t see eye to eye on things. We are not on the same page.”

Nikki and Billy have said their formal goodbyes. He revealed that Nikki fought hard for their relationship. “She fought. I tried. But she really stuck it out I have to admit. And I’m admitting this because I respect her. I just wasn’t there. I wasn’t myself.”

Contrary to rumors, there was no third party in their break-up. “If it was another story, if I was seeing someone else or if she was seeing someone else and it was a mess, it would have been easier to say, yes it’s my fault… It’s so much simpler if it was like that.”

Billy apologized to their loyal supporters. “Pasensya na kayo ah. Sa lahat din ng sumuporta sa relationship namin ni Nikki, I think I could say, from the both of us, we really thank you. They give us strength. But I’m sorry. It’s really pressuring to be honest with you na you’re perceived as one of the most looked-up couples, ideal couples in the industry. Mahirap i-continue and I wanna say I’m sorry. I apologize.”

In their almost five years of being together, Billy admitted that they have already talked about marriage to the point of knowing who will be their godparents and best man.

“I feel like such a bad person. Honestly, sometimes I feel like I’m not good enough. But I learned that importante pala na mahanap mo iyong sarili mo muna. I think kung maligaya ka, mas madaling magpaligaya ng ibang tao. And yung later part ng relationship, hindi ko siya napaligaya, nasaktan ko siya. And she’s an amazing person.”

Is it really the end of their love story? I asked. “Only God knows,” Billy enthused.

What’s his message to Nikki? “I hope you understand.”

Billy has a fervent prayer to God now. “Save me. I feel like the devil’s really strong. I feel defeated. All I can ask for is forgiveness and just save me.”

Billy is planning to leave for the US to be with his family. “I need to be with my mom and dad. I have to start from scratch. Where did I come from? I came from my parents. I need to try to find what was making me happy before. Who was I? I just want to be with my family.”