Travel light

It Takes A Man and A Woman is all about forgiveness.

(This column will mention a few parts of the movie It Takes A Man and A Woman. So, if you don’t want me to spoil it for you, you may stop reading now.) 

My favorite scene in the movie is when Laida (portrayed by Sarah Geronimo) steps out for a photoshoot for Met magazine. She is the chosen subject for the concept — Metamorphosis — having changed so much after she caught her boyfriend, Miggy (John Lloyd Cruz), kissing another woman (Isabelle Daza). 

For the pictorial, Laida is forced to find her old self once again. The editors dress her in the same colorful clothes that she wore when she first met Miggy (in A Very Special Love), but something is absent — her smile. She harbors feelings of betrayal — by her father (who was also caught womanizing) and the love-of-her-life Miggy. 

After the pictorial, Laida realizes how much pain is bottled up inside her. She asks her mother, “How do you forgive?” 

I was crying over this scene and I’m sure others were, too. We all knew that they’d end up together, anyway, but how on earth can you forgive infidelity?! (Admit it ladies, it’s eating you up.) You want to forgive, but just can’t! Argh. 

How do you forgive? I asked my priest friends this question, and ended up buying an insightful book, 31 Days Through the Eyes of Grace by Tracie Stier-Johnson.

Fr. Rudy Fernandez replied with the definition of forgive: Forgive means etymologically — give before. “To err is human, to forgive is divine. You don’t forgive because someone says sorry. You forgive because you love.”

The answer sounded simple, but unfortunately, there is no guide, no book like Forgiveness for Dummies to explain how. 

What author Stier-Johnson wrote in her book was to first explain what forgiveness is not: 

“Forgiveness is not expecting someone to acknowledge her wrongdoing. Forgiveness is not enabling, excusing and condoning or justifying sin. Forgiveness is not reconciliation. Forgiveness is not forgetting. Forgiveness is not a one-time event.”

The act of forgiving, though there are two or more parties involved, is a journey towards freeing one’s self from emotional baggage.

Laida was carrying a lot of excess baggage with her. â€œNot forgiving ties me up, drags me down. I don’t want that. Common sense even tells me to forgive,” Fr. Rudy told me.  Besides, anger makes us do bad things so I’d rather take Fr. Rudy’s advice: â€œShrug it off.” It helps to remind myself that I’m not perfect either.  

And what about Miggy, the one who committed an offense and was caught red-handed? He is a classic case of a person imploding brought about by misery caused by his father’s loss, and losing Laida. Hence, he commits further mistakes and wrong decisions like entering a relationship out of sheer practicality.

Cardinal Chito Tagle texted me this: “Forgiveness is acknowledging (not denying) a sinful act or harm which should not be repeated. Forgiveness encourages and assures the offender that he can stop evil acts, that he has goodness in him. Forgiveness offers new life and hope to sinner.”

Despite saying sorry and even asking for her hand in marriage, Laida could not take it in her heart to trust Miggy again. I can imagine Miggy’s self-worth going down the drain. 

Is it necessary to be forgiven by the person we’ve offended to redeem ourselves? In the movie, yes, that’s why we had a happy ending because the lead characters were able to resolve their differences and reconciled!

However, in real life, sometimes the ones we’ve hurt do not or cannot forgive us. And then it boils down to the more difficult question, “Can we forgive ourselves?” Or do we even realize it when we did something wrong? Can we let go of our failures? This entails constant prayer and discernment. And then again, it boils down to our choice of what baggage take to with us. I say, travel light. 

Have a light-hearted weekend everyone. For updates from me, follow me @bernadette_ABS and do e-mail me at [email protected].