On coming of age

THEN: Oct. 18, 1987-23 years ago.

At least I am not alone. Many of my friends have also reached the age when it is deemed prudent to talk with our eyes when the subject of celebrating birthdays past the line of four come up. We like to think that we have reached the age of maturity. There are different reactions to this certainty. Women rush to the nearest plastic surgeon, while men go crazy over some sweet young thing. I try to play it cool, like the zeroes in the speedometer of a five-year-old car that clicks into place as it turns over a new 10,000 mile mark.

It is not so bad. People in their forties and beyond can be interesting; that is if they don’t get anxiety attacks. Let’s mention some: Mila Magsaysay Valenzuela, Portia Leuterio, Kitch Ortego, Biboy Enriquez, Letty Magsanoc, Ninez Olivarez, Julie Yap Daza, Gilbert Perez, Oskar Peralta, Ben Aniceto, Vic Vargas, Rusty Otico, Amadis Guerrero, Crispina Belen, Robert Arevalo, Carmen Flor and Vic del Rosario. Okay, me, too.

Forty is, I observed from not too great a distance, an awkward age. It’s an age when people have personal histories to speak of, when they have more options. At 30, they have perhaps less history. At 50, perhaps fewer options. At line of four, one hangs in the balance. The status quo is weighed against the possible. And this odd-numbered birthday looms large, like unpaid taxes. I keep thinking at this age, Rizal has been long dead and a national hero. But who cares being a hero if you’re dead? When Mae West reached this age, it was just a start. Zsa Zsa Gabor is still collecting her diamond rings way past this age of balance. And the Duchess of Windsor got the king of England when she was already in her forties.

Positive thinking helps. Look at Jacqueline Kennedy. Well and good. I think that a certain age only riles us when we measure our accomplishment against those of known role models. Margaret Trudeau became First Lady just after her drug years. Elizabeth was already queen at this age and for an escort has the gorgeous Prince Philip walking a few steps behind.

One does not have to go far. Remember when you were in grade one and proud that you can tie your shoelaces while there was a child prodigy who could dance Swan Lake like Margot Fonteyn? In high school when the big dream was to go to Manila, my best friend Buday Piccio was in Manila several times. The fact that she was hit by firecrackers during the town fiesta and had to be treated in Manila, did not soften the blow. Then when I was struggling with my first story, another friend wrote a play that was later presented in school.

Most of us were prodded on to be No. 1 at a young age. There was no such thing as an overachiever then. And it helped to have someone ahead of us to emulate. To have someone to prod us to give chase.

Now it seems comfortable to be at that certain age. For one thing, I don’t aspire to be a hero. What will the likes of Gringo Honasan say? It is too late to make The Fortune Magazine Top 100. To write the great novel is still a dream. Right now, I’m laboring on a film script for Viva: Tiniis Ko ang Daigdig which perhaps will bring in more money. So instead of whipping myself in misery over the goals set by others, I slowly begin to reset my goals. All this is learning to live with yourself: A how-to on basic survival considering the times. As one friend put it: “If I am not going to win the Nobel Prize, I might as well enjoy life.”

The optimist in me says that we will get there yet, coup or strikes and the bases to contend with. I realized one truth that comes with the candles. Hurdling all the colorful courses and making it are a lot better than being a monument at the park.

NOW: Oct. 25, 2010

I always become despicably philosophical during my birthdays. You realize that the years just gone by so fast. Jacqueline Kennedy died of cancer. The Duchess of Windsor is already with her king in the great beyond. Zsa Zsa Gabor is in her nineties and very sick but still married to a man 20 years her junior.

Baby Arenas is still very active and now behind the projects of her congresswoman daughter Rachel. Mila Valenzuela is retired from Peninsula and now heads her own PR outfit. Jullie Yap Daza is back to writing. Portia Leuterio is into special crafts as business and hobby. Former President Joseph Estrada is retired from politics, so he says, but still active in other endeavors.

This year’s celebration is a deviation from the usual dinner with family and friends. The Hitmakers, who are now hosts of Pilipinas Win na Win, pulled a surprise and serenaded me on the air. A happy surprise that makes me admit on national television that I have aged another year.