The day my life came to a momentary halt

MANILA, Philippines - On July 11, a Sunday, my wife Joy and I left our house in San Mateo, Rizal to meet my co-employees and close friends from GMA 7.

Our plan was to go for a fun drive to Subic. The night before, my fellow reporter Sandra Aguinaldo sent me a text message saying this was going to be fun. Four other reporters were going with us — Mariz Umali and her boyfriend Raffy Tima, Jun Veneracion, and Ivan Mayrina, who was with his wife Karen and their two kids.

On our way to Subic, I noticed that my wife received a text message that made her freeze. I asked, “Are you okay, babe?” But she didn’t say a word.

In Subic later, really bad weather ruined our plans. Raffy said there was no way we could go diving in that weather.

By then, it was already 4:30 p.m., close to sunset, so we decided just to go to Tree Top Adventure, a place for outdoor sports and activities like Superman Ride, Tree Top Ride and Free Fall. I remember the staff singing Frank Sinatra’s My Way which goes “and now the end is near, and so I face the final curtain…” That was the song they were singing when it was my turn to go on a free fall.

Mariz, who was next to me, jokingly said, “Ano ka ba? Marami nang namatay diyan sa kantang yan, di ba?” (What’s wrong with you?! Many people have died over that song!) She was referring to infamous karaoke fights that became deadly.

My wife didn’t notice that I was looking at her from time to time. After the activity, I asked her again what was wrong and she finally delivered the bad news— my sister had just died. I froze. I couldn’t speak a word. Now it was my friends’ turn to ask, “What’s wrong with you, Cesar?”

My wife didn’t tell me right away because she didn’t want to ruin our short vacation with my friends. She also thought that if she mentioned the word “death,” I wouldn’t know how to handle it.

I remember telling a story to my wife years ago about a story I was planning to do in Pampanga. It was about a person I did not know, someone who had no part in my life, who had just died and I had to tell his wife about his death.

My wife asked me why I didn’t pursue the story. I told her I felt I was not the right person to tell the woman that her husband has passed away.

There is something about death that makes life seem to come to a momentary halt.

When I told my GMA friends about my sister’s death, the party was ruined. They became speechless as I uttered the word “death” amid loud clashes of thunder and eerie flashes of lightning.

At dinnertime, our conversations turned to “death.” I kept thinking, of the 90 million Filipinos, why did my sister have to be the one to die that day? Why did it have to be Ate Dolor, my eldest sister who was very dear to me?

My emotions ran haywire. I tried to grasp what just happened but the loss seemed too much to bear. I felt as if a virus was attacking my veins, my system… my heart.

I remembered the day when my other sister died of the same illness. I was in the newsroom in 2000 when I received the bad news. I was younger then, I cried so hard, like a little kid.

Now I am older but why do I feel the way I did back in 2000? I keep asking myself this and I wish I had the answer.

My wife is worried because two of my sisters died of the same disease. Could it be hereditary? She hopes that I will always stay by her side and not die suddenly. “You wouldn’t want your wife to lose a husband right?” she asked. I tried to comfort her with a joke, “Mahal, ang masamang damo matagal mamatay.’’

She didn’t laugh at my joke and even I didn’t buy the words that came out of my mouth.

All I could think of was trying to understand my feelings. I know that I couldn’t bring them back.

By 9 p.m., my friends and I were still talking. At some point I tried to change the topic, but Sandra, Raffy, Mariz, Jun and Ivan had to tell their own stories, too. To myself I was saying, “I am mourning, please let’s not talk about death.”

However, as Sandra said, it’s okay to talk about death as this will help me cope with it. Indeed, talking about death openly has been very helpful to me. And so I have been writing about it.

My friends just told me to be strong. At that time I had to touch my left chest, “Am I still breathing? Is my heart still beating?” Thankfully, after the whole incident, my entire body system was still functioning even though I still have to bear the pain of my sister’s death.

On my Facebook account on July 13, two days after my sister died, I wrote this as my status:

“Sometimes it is more appropriate not to say a word when you are in dire need of comfort.”

I didn’t really feel like saying a thing, but several friends made gracious comments — Mavic Trinidad, Pao Balugay, indie director and my editor Bebs Gohetia and my close friend and Ate Arlyn dela Cruz. Thank you, guys. They sent kind and comforting words even though at that time they didn’t know that my sister had just died and I was grieving.

Last week, we had to face the “sad” music. My wife and I and our three kids went to the wake. We seemed to have the worst of luck as we got stranded. We were trapped in the middle of a flood. It was dark, and there was nobody around. We were only three kilometers away from our destination but my car’s engine wouldn’t start. How much bad luck can you have in a day?

I heard my kids screaming “Ondoy! Ondoy!” Of all the names in the universe, why did they have to utter the name of the killer Typhoon Ondoy? Just last year, Ondoy’s torrential rains left thousands homeless and killed hundreds.

As we were trapped in the floods, I imagined how my sister was doing last year when Ondoy left their street flooded. It must have been like a scene from the movie Water World, where the earth was covered with water and there was no land to see.

Suddenly, I was roused from my musings when a pedicab driver approached to offer us a ride. What luck! I felt that my sister’s spirit was there, helping us out.

I told my wife to bring the kids to the wake. I had to stay in the car. I waited for seven long hours in the car, waiting for the floods to subside but they never did. By morning, the pedicab arrived again with my family. Luckily, my car started to run and we arrived home safely in San Mateo.

Thank you Madel Zaide for being with me, tweeting with me until the wee hours of the day. Thank you for thinking of how I could be rescued. Thank you for always being there, especially that day, that night, that very moment when I was facing literally the darkest part of my life. Thank you for thinking of me during that time. You helped me move on, literally, from the flood.

On July 14 my Facebook status was: “Still stuck in the middle of a dark street in Bulacan. Flood waters are knee deep. Good thing this place is crime free: ) — Ate Dolor, only for you :)”

Thank you Malou Quezon, Joy from ABS-CBN, Facebook friends Jossy Parilla, Rowena Montano, Tita Adelle and Sir Bong Osorio (one of the big bosses from ABS-CBN and also one of my favorite professors from the UST Communication Arts department.)

Thank you all for sending comments regarding that status update.

On July 17, this was the status update I posted: “Last night of my sister’s wake here in Bulacan; thank you Madel Zaide for the company, Angel Directo for sharing your car; didn’t expect that friend; Sandra Aguinaldo, Mariz Umali, Michael Josh Villanueva and Manong driver Luke for visiting this far/REMOTE place and the KAPUSO Pips for sharing your blessings and thank you all for the prayers. : )”

Thank you friends for staying even for a while in a far/remote place... Bulacan, Bulacan.

You don’t know how much that meant to me. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Kapuso friends and bosses who have shared your blessings, thank you!

Tita Mel Tiangco, Mike Enriquez, Ma’am Marissa Flores, Ma’am Jessica Soho, Tex Jimenez, Grace dela Peña and all GMA employees and close friends namely Sandra, Mariz, Raffy, Lei Alviz, Lhar Santiago, Allaine Francisco, Josh and everybody who extended their condolences and shared their blessings.

I am also grateful to my Twitter friends who have also extended their sympathies: Ces Drilon, Kat de Castro, RG Cruz from ABS-CBN, Twitter friends I-amHologram, Iam-lynsay, Thar_dagadas and those Twitter friends who tweeted their condolences and concerns.

I must admit we come from a poor family. I was the only one who finished college. Working in a foreign land (Bahrain) for two years in the 1990s was not an easy task just to fulfill my dream of finishing my studies. My sister, on the other hand, chose to live her life another way; she chose to stay in the province and be with her family.

We agonized over how we were going to pay the hospital bills and the burial expenses. Thank you to those people close to me who shared what they have.

That was the reason why I posted this in my Facebook status: “Being a Catholic: binyag, kumpil, kasal at libing pihadong may mabubutasan ng bulsa. Sana man lang wala ng bayad ang binyag at libing di naman alam ng sanggol na ginawa siya at di inaasahan ng patay na mamamatay siya. “

These were the words that came from my Nanay’s mouth. I told myself, our mother was right somehow. Imagine the families with an income of P200 a day, who live below the poverty line.

July 17, 2010. It was raining hard the day before the burial of my sister. The family talked about how the burial would start. According to the tradition of Bulakeños, the family of the deceased has to march from the house to the cemetery. I asked our mom how far the cemetery was. I learned it was another “sacrifice” I had to go through.

I came up with this Facebook status.”When it rains it pours. Today is the day that I’ll have to face another trial in my life, when another sacrifice happens, that no matter how deep or how far the march must go on, it’s our tradition... how long will they mourn me.....”

I received several comments including messages of sympathy, concern, and condolence. Some sent text messages while others called. By this time many people — close friends, Facebook friends, Twitter followers — had learned about the demise of my sister.

My Twitter account was also flooded with messages of sympathy, concern and condolences.

Other followers and friends even asked me to tweet the funeral march and so I did...

Here are samples of my tweets on July 18, the day of my sister’s funeral:

@freakymadgirl Hi, mare. Please pray it won’t rain. Alam mo na ibig ko sabihin prior to this tweet right. Marami dadaanan baha. Hay!!! Martsa! (You know what I meant before this tweet right? We have to wade through floods! March on!)

My family had to go through this ordeal: An hour of walking through flooded streets, my family and other relatives will have to experience the same situations two times more to reach the crossroads

@freakymadgirl Mare I only cover this kind of burial procession for news in GMA; have seen this in films; now I’m experiencing it; three more floods

@angeldirecto Thank you for praying... the weather is good; road to the cemetery isn’t.

@cesdrilon I’m deeply touched coming from my kapamilya, your kapuso @cesarapolinario tears of joy

I even received several comments asking the Department of Public Works and Highways to check Bulacan for a possible rehabilitation of streets and dikes on the stretch of road that passes through four towns: Paco, Obando, Meycauayan and Bulacan, Bulacan.

Twenty years ago, if I remember correctly, during the three months I stayed with my sister,

I experienced severe flooding in that area, and now nothing has changed.

Those tweets are still on my Twitter account... Follow www.twitter.com/cesarapolinario.

On the day my sister was laid to rest, this was my Facebook status: “Just braved the unpaved and flooded roads for the final three-and-a-half kilometer march for my demised loved one. I’m grateful for the ones who have expressed their condolences and concern. The coming of a new chapter in my life begins at the point of acceptance. Why ask for a perfect life if we can start putting the pieces together one by one so we can achieve the not-so-perfect but simple life...”

My close friend Angel Directo (Twitter account: @AngelDirecto) commented on my status: “New chapter in my life begins at the point of acceptance...” — I LIKE THIS FRIEND :) I was deeply touched.

Thank you @angeldirecto for lending me your car. I am very grateful.

My car is working now. I told myself maybe it was my sister’s spirit that has been guiding me until now even though she was already laid to rest in a cemetery in Paco, Bulacan, covered by knee-high floods.

At the lowest point in my life, I didn’t know how I overcame those difficult situations. At the time when I needed healing, I felt “something bigger” moving and guiding me, an angel, who gave me the courage to face the light after the darkness.

I sincerely thank that angel, whoever you are. Whatever help you still want to extend, thank you. I guess that angel is searching for another soul that badly needs her help right now.

Thank you all for the messages... Now I know I can move on.