'Hey Boobs' (And More Re-Bastered Beatles)

(To the tune of Hey Jude)

Hey boobs, age makes you sag,

So your boss plans to make you better;

Remember you really have done your part

Many have played you when she was younger.

Hey boobs, don’t be afraid,

You will stand up again and bigger;

Your new friends when they get under her skin

Men will begin to touch you better.

REFRAIN

And to you boss don’t put the blame

She’s just so vain,

Just carry those load in your old corner;

Boss just wants to be beautiful

With chest that’s full

By making you new and bit yummier.

Yum, yum, yum, nam, nam, malinamnam ...

Hey boobs, just don’t go down,

If you can please hold on much longer,

Hope you stay safe from things that are quite sharp

Then everything will just be better.

* * *

(To the tune of She Loves You)

She loves you, ngek, ngek, ngek

She loves you daw, ngek, ngek

She loves you not, ngek, ngek, ngek

I think your love is bad,

Well I saw her yesterday,

Someone’s bought her a bag

More expensive than you gave

REFRAIN

She said “She loves you”

Guess what when you turned your back,

What she loves more is the more expensive bag

She said you hurt her so

That’s why she changed you guy,

‘Cause she found out you know,

Your bag was just a lie

REFRAIN

You said ‘twas real

Your Vuitton you said was oks,

Then she found out

That you bought it from Bangkok.

Woooo...

* * *

And now, here are the songs for the bystanders at Penis Lane ...

(To the tune of Yesterday)

Yesterday, ay baklang-bakla ang mga gays,

Now it looks as though iba today

It’s hard to know who is a gay

So manly, sila lang ay ‘yong mahuhuli

Pag may pumutok na watusi

Sila’y bigla lang titili

REFRAIN

At kung gusto mo sa gym ay mag-shower ka

At pag sumabay t’yak isa s’yang baklita

Yesterday, gay ay gay lang ang pino-portray

Now iba na panahon today

Leading man pa’t pang-matinee ...

* * *

 (To the tune of You Can’t Do That)

I got somethin’ to say that might cause you pain;

If I catch you talkin’ to that boy again,

And let him touch you down

(Touch you down)

Until you drop

(Gonna touch you and until you drop)

Because I told you before

Two boys can’t do that ...

* * *

 (To the tune of A Hard Day’s Night)

It’s been a hard gay’s life,

And they’ve been working like a dog;

It’s been a hard gay’s life,

Just only for someone’s itlog.

At pag nag-take home pa you

Sometimes they will murder you

The end na ang gay’s life ....

* * *

And now, back to those silly songs about silicone...

(To the tune of Got To Get You Into My Life)

Your new ilong, plus silicone,

Oh, I don’t know what you would fix next;

Another fold for every eye,

Another stretch of your poor old neck;

Oooh, then I suddenly see you,

Oooh, you are not you I tell you

And one — half your face are your lips...

Ngek!

* * *

 (To the tune of Yellow Submarine)

Injection, liposuction,

Yes she’s had it from A to Z,

And she told us in her life,

There’s another wish, another dream

Bigger boobs, the biggest ones,

To the maximum and the extreme,

Now when she goes for a swim,

Seems like there are two submarines...

CHORUS

She’s got a pair of Jell-O submarines

Jell-O submarines, Jell-O submarines...

Ngek!