The truth about... PHHTTTT!

“Bakit ba kung minsan, may mga taong pinipilit at sumusumpang nagsasabi sila ng pawang katotohanan, ngunit ang sasabihin pa ng kanilang kausap ay, ‘Huuuu, UTOT MO!’

”Opo, mga salita at reaksyon ng pagdududa at hindi paniniwala. Bakit sa palagay ninyo? Eh kasi nga, ang kabaligtaran ng TOTOO, sa totoo lang, ay OOTOT!” — Noel Ed Yeoj, Agalub Tae

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And if you’re wondering about the identity of the great man who said that, NOEL ED YEOJ is the kabaligtaran of this writer’s name — JOEY DE LEON, and under it is the office he represents — AGALUB TAE — EAT BULAGA. See the connection to our topic today?

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And don ‘t you find it funny too (or should I say, “Don’t you smell something funny?”) that FACT is just a letter different from FART?

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Mabuti pa, “salsalin at paglaruan” natin ito. These are media terms used in maximizing and squeezing or wringing dry to the last drop an issue.

The words FACT and FART have two “alien” letters in them (R and C). Combine them and its union will become related to our “stinky” subject — CR!

Ngak! Ngak! Ngak!

And to those thinking hard and working their butts off (do you think there is pun intended in here?) about the reversal of the two alien letters, and finding “nothing wrong” about this new combination, aha, that’s where you’re wrong!

Okay, tutal we are likewise in the theme of reverses and mixing letters up, eh di ituloy natin.

So what is RC? Of course, it’s Remote Control! And that is also the RC that would immediately come to mind. But this one’s got a different meaning. This does not apply to the usual toys of the boys. This is about a more personal toy — our PUTO-TOYS!

Ngek! Ngek! Ngek!

RC or Remote Control is the act of somebody VIEW-RINATING (urinating in full view). Eto yung mga umiihi sa pader; mga P.O.W.s — Peeing On Walls!

Try to observe them closely, lalo na yung mga ihing-ihi at matagal na nagpigil, especially when they reach “nirvana” — yung napapapikit na at kumakanta-kanta pa — parang nag-re-Remote Control, hindi ba?!

Ngik! Ngik! Ngik!

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And finally, in our search for the mysterious connection between TRUTH and OOTOT, the medical term for this heady and deadly stomach gas is FLATULENCE. Flat also means “level.” And when you are honest and true, you are “on the level.”

Pero teka, diyan sa huling sinulat ko, parang nawawala na ang amoy nitong pinag-uusapan natin. Okay, let’s PHHTTTT a stop to this!

Ngok! Ngok! Ngok!

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“The proof of the pudding is in the eating. The proof of what you ate is in — the POOPING? Or the POPPING?”

Nguk! Nguk! Nguk!

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But wait, here’s more — my son, Jako made this pahabol about his view on the connection of TRUTH and OOTOT: “Alam mo daddy, pag may na-OOTOT, wala naman talagang aamin at magsasabi ng TOTOO kung sino ang nagpakawala!” 

UU nga naman, este OO nga naman pala.

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Eto ang OOTOT na gusto naming paingayin at ipaamoy sa inyong lahat! Mamayang gabi na ang Premiere Night ng Iskul Bukol The Movie at 7 p.m. at SM Megamall, Cinema 9 and 10! The regular showing starts on Christmas Day. (Siguro naman alam n’yo na ang date ng Christmas?). At siyanga pala, in the spirit of Christmas, panoorin din natin lahat-lahat ng sinehang may Iskul Bukol!

TO ALL MY KAWANBOLS, KABULAGA, KADABARKADS, KAMEL & JOEY, KABALAKUBAK, KATAKESHI, KASTARTALK, KAPUSO AT LAHAT NG “KAKA” (Kaka? Teka, parang may konek pa rin ito doon sa topic natin kanina ah) —— Anyway, Merry Christmas to Wanbol and all!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS!