Facing the Big C

Nov 5, 2008. Half past 4 in the afternoon. I was frantically awaiting the results of my biopsy when the call finally came. It all happened so fast. The only thing I could remember were the words of Dr. Manolo Ocampo which reverberated in my head. “I’m sorry Joji but I don’t have good news. It’s confirmed. You have cancer. But it appears to be a very early stage so it’s not so bad.”

I tried my best to remain calm but tears just profusely rolled down my cheeks, like they had a life of their own. I was so not in control. I had never felt so helpless. Later that night, I managed to regain composure. But as soon as I got home, I saw my eldest child Nico misty eyed, with his arms outstretched awaiting to hug me. I broke down. This marked the beginning of a trek into the unknown. Nothing could ever have prepared me for anything like this.

The next day, I followed Commissioner Jess Martinez’s suggestion and met with Dr. Homer Lim at his wellness center. I left his place feeling so light, like I had just let go of so much baggage. Meetings with Dr. Elsie Dancel and Dr. Manolo Ocampo at Manila Doctors Hospital followed, as they patiently explained the radical hysterectomy I would have to undergo, to rid my body of the cancer.

I requested that it be set on Nov 17. I never had surgery before and I was scared. I needed enough time to prepare my children, everyone at the office, and the one who needed it most — myself.

I had 10 days to do all that. I went against the norm that I should keep my situation to myself. Cancer is a word you don’t use loosely as it is a form of death sentence. Yet, I literally begged for prayers from all the friends I could think of. And prayers I got. It was a period that I could feel that people were storming the heavens, pleading to God to give me another lease on life.

Meanwhile, I doubled my efforts at pilates and running, and dabbled in some yoga exercises to make sure I would be physically fit. I followed Ricky Lo’s advice and religiously drank the veggie green drink. Josie Elicano included me in a healing session with Fr. Fernando Suarez. Billie Sue Go called me from the airport so I could talk to Fr. Suarez and he prayed for me anew. Then Bro. Eddie Villanueva sent word that he wanted to see me.

I spent more than an hour reading Bible passages with Bro. Eddie as he patiently explained to me what I needed to understand. The time I was with him made me ask myself the question: How could I physically heal myself if I was still spiritually and emotionally broken? What right did I have to ask for God’s help if there was so much anguish in my heart for someone? It was a most difficult moment. Even worse than knowing I had cancer. I had a decision to make. One that had to come from the heart. I decided it was time to forgive. That decision changed everything. I was no longer afraid. It was like going through a maze and finding the right exit. I knew then that I was healed.

I spent the eve of my trip to the hospital with my children and everyone at the office. We listened to my son Nico, who is turning pro, singing at a mini concert. I was beaming with pride, listening to him perform. I held on to that feeling when my children brought me to my room that early Sunday evening. My surgery was to begin at 7 a.m. the next day.

The nurse promptly fetched me at 5:35 a.m. Rey, my ex-husband who has since become a trusted friend, was there even before the nurse arrived. He offered to wait for me until I would be wheeled back into my room. The surgery lasted five hours. I woke up at past 4 in the afternoon. I remember walking through an area filled with bright light when something just seemed to pull me away and I began to hear voices. I found myself in the recovery room. The worse part was finally over. Or so I thought. Only about 10 percent of the wall had cancer. Everything else was negative. Even the histopath of the lymph nodes was negative. I would not need any chemo.

But the next day, my blood pressure dropped, my fever rose, and I had to undergo blood transfusion. My children, my siblings and office associates and staff stood by me that day. I have always been so full of life but yet that day everything was so different. That was my longest night ever. But it would end there.

The days that followed was an outpouring of love and care. My room had more flower arrangements than the hospital flower shop. It also seemed like I was on the brink of opening a fruit stand. Every one patiently awaited me to heal. Never have I felt such so much love, it was bursting at its seams.

I stayed all of six days in the hospital. I managed to keep my promise to my youngest child, Luis, that I would be home on a Saturday. Less of a woman, yes, but more of a person, scarred and humbled once more, but burning anew with an exuberant energy and a lust for life.

I have just embarked on the third chapter of my mortal existence. Any emptiness that used to gnaw at my soul is finally gone. My mind has ceased to be a pandemonium of emotions. Never have I been so blessed. And so loved.

To my brother and my sisters, my children which includes Angel Garces, my associates and my staff, friends, team of doctors, Elsie Dancel, Dindin Hogar, Raffy Castillo, Rex Mendoza and most specially Manolo Ocampo and his dad Maning Ocampo, my gratitude is beyond words.

I am whole again. I am finally home.

(Editor’s note: The author is a lawyer who hosts a legal show on Q-11 and a movie producer. Among her productions is Kubrador, starring Gina Pareño and directed by Jeffrey Jeturian, who have won awards not only here but in international film festivals as well).