I love talking to student-interviewers. At first, they’re cautious even nervous and fidgety, armed with carefully prepared questions. There’s usually a spokesperson — the one who reads the questions. One or two manage the video cam and the still cameras. Some are accompanied by their parents who wait outside the dressing room. Others are obviously just present like parsley because it is a class requirement. Once in a while you get some who argue, challenge and debate what you talk about. Generally, they are polite and charming.
Immediately after The Buzz, when I retreat to my dressing room to allow my adrenaline to simmer down, I usually spend this time with Louie Andrada, Ian Reyno, Jhasmine Pallera, Nancy Yabut and Jobert Sucaldito and other friends. And once in a while with groups of students who request for interviews for class papers on communication, homosexuality, television or all of the above.
One particular session became so interesting and engrossing that I started to write notes. We talked about what I have done so far in my wild journey — that brought me to this small dressing room where we were talking. Here are a few notes:
1. I am able to do a job that I love most.
I never thought that I would get paid good money for talking. As a young boy from Samar, never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that there was a job called hosting or talking in front of the cameras. I love it.
2. I am able to live and laugh at my little successes and failings knowing that they are fleeting and life is a joy ride.
It is a joy ride if you make it one. It is a decision. Not that I didn’t crawl in pain many times but I learned the hard way that everything passes. I am the sum total of the bad and good that I have done and haven’t done. And having survived, laughing and scarred, has made my journey totally amusing.
3. With every good (and not so good moments), in and out of television, with every commentary, stand upper, opening and closing spiels, with every decent and despicable performance, I continue to learn and evolve.
There was always a question I forgot to ask, an answer I didn’t follow up, I didn’t listen enough or I said the wrong words. I could have used a more appropriate word, I mispronounced some words, questions could have been shortened, pacing could have been faster. After interviews, I always look forward to the next one with the energy of a fledgling, ferocious long distance runner and the experience of a fearless Masai warrior.
4. I have not lost my way back home despite the razzmatazz that is showbiz.
The best road is still the one that leads me home. And I can find it easily in the darkest night amidst a deadly storm.
5. That I love my mother and my partner Bong Q.
Nanay has the most beautiful, comforting laughter I have ever heard. Bong is a constant reminder that there is home — there is life before, during and after the ‘biz.
6. That I see my own beauty without bias and my scars without bitterness.
In a business that celebrates beauty and when you’re told you’re nothing close to beautiful, you have no other recourse but to declare yourself beautiful. Whacked, scourged, you bleed-thinking you wouldn’t make it. But you did. You do. And you learn to heal and to forgive. And from Desiderata, “You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. ...” And I offer no apologies for not looking like Angelina Jolie — after all — she also doesn’t come close to looking like me!
7. That I am so brittle and so flawed that I’m willing to be extraordinary.
Perfection doesn’t come in this lifetime. Being extraordinary is doable while remaining conflicted.
8. That I pray to God so hard as if I don’t work hard.
Thank you is the best form of prayer. Remember, when everything else fails, go to God. And when everything works well, go to God. We are on borrowed time.
9. That I’m gay and it has been a wonderful life of catfights and tender caresses.
It is so amazing to be gay. I don’t think it was by accident that I am one. God, I can’t ask for anything more.
10. I am grateful to the deserving and I am both a worthy adversary and friend.
I thank friends and strangers who were kind to me and because of them, I have committed to continue (the best I can) the cycle of kindness. Friendships are not made overnight. We make new friends but we keep the old. And I have learned to treat my enemies with respect. I have also learned that the best way to fight a war is not to fight it at all; that best friends make the best allies and the worst enemies.