Here’s Anjie’s letter about her "Mommie Angel":
Dear Ricky,
In Oct. 2003, Mrs. Cecilia Gutierrez – Chin-Chin’s mom who was an "angel mother" to me – handed me two folders of manuscripts that comprised her memoirs. A bright yellow Post-It labeled the top folder in her own handwriting: "For Angie to edit." It also had a separate article on angels with the dedication "To my beloved daughter Angie… Love from Mommie Angel."
Because she had started to become seriously ill at that time, I got too scared to even read through the manuscripts, inordinately anxious that working on a sick woman’s memoirs might hasten her passing. Thus, the two folders bound together by a pink ribbon sat quietly in my drawer for three years.
On her third ICU confinement last November, I brought out the manuscripts and turned them over to Chin-Chin. It was apparent that Mommie Angel was slowly moving towards her heavenly home and I wanted her daughter to be the first to read her memoirs. They stayed with Chin-Chin for a few days, after which the manuscripts were returned to me for safekeeping and to be edited as her mother had wished.
Within a few days, their house and everything in it was gutted by fire. The only living memory Chin-Chin has of her mother are photographs and paintings returned to her by friends and family – and the two folders of her mother’s personal account on her journey through life.
Though still a little tentative, I was obliged to scan her writings the day before the burial because the officiating priest requested me to read from them for the eulogy. It was then that I realized how conscious she was of her last years on earth, hoping to overcome this menacing disease and yet, surrendering also to the mortality of what was inevitable.
The first folder, "Fingerprint of an Angel" spoke about her earthly life and started with the following statement: "I am in the fourth stage of diabetes. My physical body seems to be taken away, little by little. The toe on my left foot was recently amputated… I was threatened of total amputation of the legs several times. Nearly daily I suffered high blood sugar and blood pressure. At this point in time, tipping the scales as high as 190 pounds or even more. I felt as if I were daily carrying my cross, dragging this body around with me. Diabetes looked me in the eye as a Diabolical Disease. But actually, diabetes was the best thing that has ever happened to me."
She continues: "The moment I set foot on this journey, it seemed as if my life and life itself began to take on a new meaning, as I saw myself only as a ‘fingerprint’ on the face of the earth, and I was eager to discover the hidden makeup and totality of myself as a Soul, a mere child of the God of the Universe. Who am I, really? Why am I here? For what purpose? And what is it in this world that I cannot do? These questions, together with many other incoming questions, began to unravel, like the pouring down of a great waterfall of which one cannot find the source to turn it off."
Having lived a large portion of her mortal life as a nun and later, a missionary evangelist, Mrs. Gutierrez saw the decline of her physical health as a sign that she should hasten the uplifting of her soul. In the chapter Conscious Living, Conscious Leaving, she wrote: "Time became of the essence for me as I began to feel weak and sick from diabetes. It was like a mind-body experience which awakened my total being… But there were many health reasons I did learn. It taught me patience, compassion and awareness to sensitivity. Sensitivity became for me a great tool for ‘conscious living.’ I believe sensitivity opens up the heart. Without heart, there is neither passion nor compassion. We go on living as if we were dead, without dying. I realized then that there are many people living as if they were dead. What does it take then to wake up such people? I guessed perhaps death itself could wake up such souls."
"Another lesson which my lost toe taught me was about gratitude for the many things I still have and the beauty of having it. I often thanked God that I still have my foot (minus a toe) or my whole leg resting on a foot. What if my eyes were taken? Which is worse – to have no feet or no hands? Or being armless? All such thoughts left me with deeply felt thankfulness and gratitude. It gave me a determination to choose to not allow such aggressive actions to destroy my body anymore… Most of all, to love and nurture my body. Do we really do this? Do we love this body given to us?"
The manuscripts go on into her personal narrations, dreams and impressions of both her physical and spiritual life. One day soon, I shall be done editing them and hopefully, we will find a way to have her book published in order to inspire others, especially those who are grappling with a life-threatening disease. Personally, I feel it should be read by those who are in the pink of health so that they may be more aware of what they still have and work towards preserving that state of being.
Cecilia Arnaldo Gutierrez gave her entire life to working for others, whether as a nun, a missionary or a painter. People remember her dearly for her acts of kindness, charity and artistic depiction of angels and other ethereal beings that have inspired higher consciousness in those who recognize God’s hand in her work. Offering one’s life for a cause greater than one’s self is an ideal she bequeathed to her daughter, and we have seen how Chin-Chin has devoted herself entirely to the care of Mother Nature, Motherland, her Mama Cecilia and the Heavenly Mother who inspires us from above.
She had a beautiful passage. She was conscious until the very end. She was surrounded by the people she loved most and who loved her in return. She received the last rites. And as she drifted into eternal sleep, her devoted daughter softly sang lullabies and hymns to accompany her in the journey. As I had said in my eulogy, any mother who leaves this world knowing for a fact that her daughter was ready to die for her – as Chin-Chin showed when she suffered painful injuries in order to bring her Mama out of the burning house – could truly rest in peace.
With Chin-Chin’s permission, I have shared some of Cecilia’s insights with you and your readers. May those who are still on the road of life be encouraged and inspired by these grains of love and wisdom. Thank you, Ricky, for allowing Mommie Angel to continue with her mission of helping others, even after death.