This time last year, Antoinette Taus seemed inconsolable. It was understandable. When Conversations pinned her down for an exclusive interview at the poolside of the Hyatt Regency Century Plaza Hotel in Century City, California (to where I invited her during the lunch break of the press junket for the Lindsay Lohan starrer Herbie Fully Loaded), she and Dingdong Dantes had just broken up three months earlier. She was hurting and it showed.
Three weeks ago, I was back in the same hotel for the press junket for Superman Returns (Brandon Routh, Kevin Spacey, Kate Bosworth, etc.) and, also during the lunch break, I reunited with Antoinette for an "updating" Conversation. Last year, she came with her father, Tom Sr. This time, she was accompanied by her brother Tom Jr. (20; Antoinette is 25) who’s a young man now, himself preoccupied with his own life, getting deep into music especially now that he has just split up with his Korean girlfriend.
The sadness in Antoinette’s eyes was not as pronounced as it was last year. She could smile freely now and talk about Dingdong and his new girlfriend Karylle without feeling a lump in her throat. She could even laugh at the rumor that she and Dingdong actually got married (they did not) and have two children (they don’t), dismissing it as "passé." You know, ho-hum! Next topic, please!
As soon as she settled on the sofa at the hotel’s sprawling lobby, Antoinette broke the good news, "I’m going home for a vacation." Long overdue, I told her.
And we kicked off our Conversation on that note.
How long do you plan to stay?
"I don’t know. Maybe just a month. Bakasyon lang talaga. I really want to visit friends and relatives. I might appear on TV but I’m still thinking about it. I don’t have a set date yet but I’m definitely going home before the year is over. It will be my first vacation after more than four years."
Would you say "Hi!" to Dingdong?
"Oo naman! Why shouldn’t I? Why not?"
Have you completely recovered from your break-up?
"You know, it takes time to be okay. It’s not easy. In the beginning, it was really hard. But now, I can say that I’m finally okay and back to being me. I’m very happy."
What if you get an offer to do a project with Dingdong and Karylle?
"Well, I don’t have any qualms or reservations kahit lumabas kaming tatlo together in a show or whatever."
You do sound more at ease now, unlike this time last year when you looked and sounded, well, shattered.
"I’m in control of myself now."
That’s nice. You’ve recovered fast.
"We broke up last week of March 2005 and a week later, sila na." (Breaking into slightly-nervous laughter and then turning pensive) "You know, in the beginning I thought I was okay pero hindi pa pala. I was trying to be strong at that time, trying not to dwell on it. As soon as I recovered, I looked back and realized that during the first few weeks, I was just pretending to be okay. It really hurt so badly. Masakit talaga."
How late or how soon did you recover?
"You know, I think it was only this year. Siempre, ours was a six-year relationship and it’s not something that you throw away just like that and wake up the next morning fully recovered. Up to now nga, I sometimes think about those six years and say, ‘Wow, sayang!’ Ang tagal din, di ba? Well, I can say that I’m happy now. I wanna be single; I don’t want to be with anyone."
I thought you had a boyfriend (said to be a model/flight attendant and a poster boy for Celio, a product of Bench)?
"Oh, that was before. I’ve been single for more than six months now. I decided that I wasn’t ready for another serious relationship yet. He’s a great guy, though; an amazing person. He’s a barkada, actually; we met through friends."
Did you fall for him maybe on the rebound?
"I don’t think so. I did have feelings for him. He’s wonderful; I can’t say anything bad about him. And...yes, we’re still friends." (Antoinette refused to reveal his name. – RFL)
Your break-up with Dingdong happened even before you could recover from the death of your mother...
"I haven’t really recovered from it. I guess you never recover from it; you simply get used to it. I still miss my mom terribly, terribly. You’re never okay; things are never the same again. I still find myself crying every week, every other night, every night. I still dream of her. When I see a mother and daughter together, I cry because I remember my mom...not having her around anymore."
So you actually coped with two deaths – death of your mom and death of love.
"Actually. Sabay halos!"
When was the last time you talked to Dingdong?
"I think three weeks ago or a month ago."
What did you talk about, if I may "eavesdrop"?
"Wala lang. Kumustahan lang. He told me he’s happy with his life, na masaya sila ni Kaye."
Are you happy for them?
"I’d be a hypocrite if I say yes. My God, I was hurt! But we’ve learned to be friends; I still consider him a good friend. In the beginning we couldn’t but we can talk about Kaye now. Noon, we couldn’t; medyo masakit pa. We talked about him, his work, his family – and vice-versa."
Do you give him any unsolicited advice?
"Well, in a joking manner – you know, I’d tell him, ‘Ikaw, ha, huwag mong lolokohin siya.’ And he would say, ‘Ano ka ba? Hindi naman kita niloko, a.’ Nagbibiruan kami like that."
Do you think he’s faithful to Karylle?
(Laughs) "According to him, faithful siya. That’s what he told me. But according to other sources, hindi."
Who do you believe, him or the other sources?
"Does it matter? Whether he was or he wasn’t, whether he is or he isn’t, what does it matter to me? It’s a closed...oops! I don’t want to say a ‘closed book’."
You haven’t had any closure, have you?
"We haven’t seen each other in person since then. We broke up only on the phone. The last time we saw each other, kami pa noon."
What do you think will be your first reaction if you see Dingdong again?
"I’ll probably be nervous. Tingnan natin what happens. But you know what, there’s no reason for any pretension. I guess I’ll just act naturally. I might say, ‘Hi, how are you? It’s good to see you again.’ You must remember that for six years, he wasn’t only my boyfriend; he was – and still is – my best friend. If there’s one person I’m comfortable with, it’s him."
No hugging and kissing?
"Maybe there’ll be hugging but I don’t know about the kissing."
What if Karylle is around when you meet Dingdong?
"Tingnan natin what will happen. But siempre, I will respect what they have."
Siempre, ki-kiss ka rin kay Karylle.
"Let’s see what happens when we meet. Malay mo, baka hindi na niya ako pansinin. But I will say ‘Hi!’ Definitely. I will respect her. After all, she’s the new girlfriend of my ex. I want her to know that I hold no grudge against anybody."
So how’s life in L.A.?
"Good, good! Things are going well."
Do you own a bar or a restaurant, according to reports?
"No, I don’t own a restaurant. My dad and I have put up a production group. I’ve also signed up with an agent. I’m keeping my fingers crossed. I don’t want to go yet into the specifics of what we’re doing. You know, this is Hollywood and things don’t happen overnight. All I can say is that I’m excited because a lot of good things are underway. That’s one of the reasons why I want to take a vacation in the Philippines because if things go as planned, if things start happening, it might take time before I can have time to take a vacation."
Have you resumed your studies?
"I’m still ‘on leave’ from Ateneo. I was taking up Political Science and then I shifted to Communication Arts. I was an irregular student, taking up only a few units every semester because nga I was also in showbiz."
As a parting shot, what would you like to say to Dingdong?
"Hello. See you soon!"
And to Karylle?
"Hi! How are you?"