The two faces of gossip

Each one of us has at one time or another been a victim of gossip. And each one of us more than once in our life has been a purveyor of tsismis. Gossip according to the American Heritage Dictionary is a rumor or talk of a personal, sensational or intimate nature. Gossip usually involves talking about people who are not present when the conversation takes place. And gossip usually starts in a small group or among two to three persons until it spreads like wild fire.

But is gossiping healthy? Does it have positive implications or is it totally destructive? We gossip a lot in our homes, offices, churches, schools, restaurants and gay bars. Kings have been stripped of power because of gossip. Queens have befallen from grace because of rumors. Even coup d’etats have been thwart because of gossip.

Why do people gossip? First, gossiping about another person allows the gossiper to achieve a special position in front of other gossipers. This way, the gossiper is creating his own gossip network. Second, the gossiper creates influence by ingratiating himself to his audience by leaking "confidential, classified information" with a privileged audience. And third, the gossiper unwittingly paves his way to hell and perdition. Some people gossip because they want to improve other people’s perception of themselves. As natural born gossipers, we are interested to talk about the activities of others who have at one point or another directly affected us – our relatives, high society, government officials, movie stars, politicians.

Self-serving gossips are toxic. However, gossip becomes positive when used positively. For instance, gossip can be a form of social control when used to deter destructive behavior. Several coup d’etats in this country have been avoided because of lingering gossip about attempted destabilizations and military unrest. In this case, gossiping has allowed each one of us to be watchful and careful of the movements of others. It has also allowed us to be discerning of the actions of others.

Last week on my show Private Conversations (6 p.m., Thursdays, ABS-CBN News Channel), I invited my dear friend Cristy Fermin, one of our local showbiz’s authorities on gossip. Cristinelli can smell a gossip material a mile away. She is as controversial as the people she writes about. She is also one of the best Pilipino writers in showbiz. Cristinelli says that showbiz gossips follow the dictum that "where there is smoke there is usually fire."

Basically there are three types of tsismis. We have the nasty tsismis, the "maling akala" tsismis, and the distorted tsismis. The first, like the wicked witch in Cinderella, is a tsismis that is intended to inflict harm on somebody. The tsismosa has the intention of destroying the person while spreading the nasty talks. And usually, there is competition between the person spreading the tsismis and the subject of the tsismis itself. The "maling akala" tsismis is often the result of someone drawing the wrong conclusion from something he saw.

An example is: A saw Madonna entering a motel in Pasig. Then A told B that Madonna went inside a motel in Pasig. B in turn told C that Madonna went to a motel at may kasamang lalaki. Then, C forwarded the story to D saying that Madonna was in a motel and was seen kissing her boyfriend. What the tsismosas did not know was that, indeed, Madonna was at the motel because she was buying the motel and it was her husband who was with her. The distorted tsismis starts as a fact, but as it is passed on from one person to another, some details are distorted even corrupted. Example: JLo was rushed to the hospital because she had diarrhea. A called B to say that JLo was rushed to the hospital because she is pregnant. B passes on the story to C and says that JLo is having an abortion because her boyfriend refuses to marry her, etc., etc.

Cristinelli says that to parry a tsismis you need to have "pruweba." However, there are no perfect solutions to detangle one from tsismis. There are ways to counteract tsismis. One, is to let the gossip die. Truly the saying, "it will die a natural death" proves to be correct when dealing with certain kinds of rumors and gossips. If you say nothing, you will add nothing to the tsismis. Remember, the more you talk the more mistakes; and the less you talk, the less mistakes. Some movie stars who have been the subject of gossip confront the "attacker" head-on. This can work but this is also not a sure-fire formula because, such confrontational style may spawn more gossip and it may even lead the gossiper to think that he and you are on the same level. Cutting the gossip at the nip of the bud by coming out in the open with the truth may even be doubly effective. Get the truth as fast as you can and do it like when you do a counterstrike. Do a "blitzkrieg," meaning a surprise attack. The subject of gossip can also do the same, "unahan mo na kumbaga" with the truth and nothing but.

Now, if you are the subject of gossip in showbiz, it could be that you have "arrived." But be very careful, you yourself might believe what they are gossiping about.

Tempura Japanese Grill opens in Makati

One of the pioneers in Japanese dining, Tempura Japanese Grill, opened another branch along Makati Ave. Tempura Japanese Grill continues to awe its customers by constantly introducing new flavors and innovations in its food service. The tempting taste of Ebi tempura fortified with Omega 3, along with the Yakiniku products (gyu-beef; buta-pork; tori-chicken; ebi-shrimp; ika-squid) complete with the famous dipping sauce is now ready to dominate the most fastidious market in the country.

Father Richie of Don Bosco Parish Church officiated the blessing while Makati City Mayor Jejomar Binay led the ribbon-cutting together with Vice Mayor Ernesto Mercado and Tempura Japanese Grill Management Team. A scrumptious lunch was served consisting of Tempura Japanese Grill delicacies.

Other Tempura Japanese Grill branches are located at Retiro, Tomas Morato, Greenhills, Alabang Town Center, UN Ave. and Convergys Building, Ayala Ave.