"His clothes are intact in his cabinet," Susan tells Funfare in an informal exclusive chat as All Souls’ Day approaches. "I know exactly for what occasion he wore each shirt. His favorite cologne, Green Water, is still in his bathroom, half-filled. He had his own sink and I have mine. When I look into his sink, nandoon pa ang kanyang toothbrush, ang kanyang toothpaste, ang kanyang sabon. I continue to hang a new towel with his initials on it in his bathroom. I make believe that he’s just somewhere, location-shooting."
The reality of FPJ’s not being there hits Susan like a thunderbolt at night when she goes to bed. That’s when she feels that overwhelming emptiness and the longing for his presence.
"Ronnie and I went to bed early and rose with the sun," Susan continues, her eyes turning misty. "We would talk about what each of us did during the day before we went to sleep and talk about current events when we woke up. I’m an avid radio listener (forever tuned in to DZRH), so I’m up-to-date on what’s going on. I feel his presence not only at night or in the morning but all the time."
As she looks back, Susan believes that there was a premonition of FPJ’s death.
"We usually didn’t visit the graves of our loved ones on their birthdays so I found it strange last year when Ronnie wanted us to visit his mom’s grave at the North Cemetery on Nov. 8, her birthday. His mom’s death anniversary was in March pa. On Nov. 27, we went back to visit the grave of his father (Fernando Poe Sr.) because it was his father’s birthday."
Barely three weeks later, on Dec. 22, FPJ’s remains were interred beside the graves of his parents and his younger brother Andy Poe (the real Fernando Poe Jr.)
"Ronnie was careful with his health so it was hard to believe that he would die that soon. He was fond of eating vegetables; he avoided meat. He would prepare, among other dishes, bulalo during parties but he never touched it. He exercised regularly."
Did FPJ ever complain about any pain, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant?
"All he complained about was his eyes; palagi siyang nasisilaw even during the campaign. Remember how his opponents made a big issue out of an incident during the campaign when Ronnie complained that his eyes hurt when the lights hit them? So he had his eyeglasses changed."
Nothing much has changed in the way Susan and the clan (the Poes and the Sonoras) celebrate special occasions. Susan has spent her first Christmas without FPJ last year; their 37th wedding anniversary without FPJ on Dec. 25, 2004; her first Valentine’s Day (when he usually gave her flowers) without FPJ last February; her first birthday without FPJ last July 28; and his first birthday after his death last Aug. 20.
"We try to make each event as happy as usual," says Susan. "But on Ronnie’s birthday last August, we decided to spend the day with orphans and at the Home For The Aged where I came upon an old woman who was turning 75 on the same day. She was feeling low because none of her relatives remembered her. Wala man lang daw ice cream at pansit. Luckily, we did have ice cream and pansit among the food we prepared, so we gave them to her. Ang saya-saya niya!"
So what other fond memories does Susan have of FPJ?
To find out, please tune in to tonight’s edition (All Souls’ Day special) of Showbiz Stripped on GMA, starting at 11:30. And don’t forget to say a little prayer for the repose of FPJ’s soul.
Fr. Corsie’s healing sked
Here’s Fr. Corsie Legaspi’s healing schedule for November and December:
• Nov. 1 to 13, religious pilgrimage to Eastern Europe
• Nov. 17, Thursday, 1 to 5 p.m. – Healing session at the Buklod ng Pagibig, Balete Drive Ext., Quezon City
• Nov. 19, Saturday, 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. – Retreat: Understanding and Healing After a Breakup, at the Coming Home Retreat and Meditation Center, Binakayan, Cavite
• Nov. 28, Monday, 1 to 7 p.m. – Prayer and healing rally, at the Pasay West High School gymnasium, F.B. Harrison (behind the Pasay City Hall), Pasay City
• Dec. 1, Thursday, 1 to 5 p.m. – Healing session at the Coming Home Retreat and Meditation Center, Binakayan, Cavite
• Dec. 2, Friday, 1 to 5 p.m. – Healing session at the San Luis Parish, San Luis, Pampanga
• Dec. 3, Saturday, 1 to 5 p.m. – Healing session at the Coming Home Retreat and Meditation Center, Binakayan, Cavite
• Dec. 6 to 9 – Healing session in Guam
• Dec. 12, Monday, 1 to 5 p.m. – Healing session at Jesus, Lamb of God Parish, Pulong Masle, Guagua, Pampanga.
(Note: For further inquiries, call 046-434-8759 or 046-878-0069, 1 to 7 p.m.; look for Richard.)