Dreaming to be a ‘binibini’

Beauty is such a broad term to use on someone or something. The word "beautiful" is almost like a universal language.

Almost the whole world knows it. Beauty is expressed in many ways. When someone tells you that you’re beautiful, it doesn’t really mean that you have the perfect "outer" look.

It could be talking about the way you look at things or the way you react to them. Some say that true beauty comes from within.

Some say that you must have a symmetrical face or the perfect figure to be a part of the "beautiful people clan."

As a woman, I find that true beauty cannot be seen. It’s something that you feel around that person. It’s their attitude or aura that makes them beautiful.

I’d have to say that some of the people who are rated the ugliest on this planet are far more beautiful than the "good-looking" people.

And that is because of their attitude and reputation.

Now, when I say that someone is pretty, handsome or good-looking, that would simply be praising only her physical aspect.

Every country has put up what we call "beauty pageants" where they choose one man or woman to represent their country for international pageants.

It’s funny because I’ve watched so many pageants and until now, I still don’t understand whether they’re looking for someone who proudly represents her country or if they’re all for the "best-looking" ones.

I’ve also noticed that if someone is tall enough and have a pretty face, she already qualifies to be a part of a beauty pageant.

A couple of years ago, I was asked to join Hiyas Sa Kadayawan in Davao.

Even though I met all the requirements, I still felt awkward being put on the spot, mainly because I was fresh from the States. However, when I was a kid, I used to never miss watching Little Miss Philippines on TV and always begged my father to send me to Manila to join, gave me confidence.

The five years that I stayed in the States were also five years of proudly growing up as a true Filipina. I was even supposed to join Miss Philippines-California when I turned 16, but it obviously didn’t work out because I was sent back here.

Going back to Hiyas Sa Kadayawan... I ended up joining. I met the other pretty girls and did many activities with them.

When the final night came, I really didn’t expect to win... but I did! It was so hilarious because instead of doing the whole "crying tears of joy" thing, I was screaming and jumping up and down on my four-inch heels!

Everyone was laughing. I was just so happy! Sobrang nawala ang poise ko! I was so proud to be an ambassadress of Davao.

A few months later, I was sent to Manila to represent our city in some other contest. But it didn’t work out for me.

That never stopped me from hoping. Being able to join some other pageants and be given the chance to represent our country definitely has stayed at the back of my mind.

The following year, I was offered by Maverick Films to do a sexy film - www.XXX.com.

My manager and I asked if I could try out for the Bb. Pilipinas Pageant before being launched as a sexy actress.

The people behind Maverick Films didn’t allow me because they wanted to start shooting the film as soon as possible. Nag-alala sila na baka raw manalo ako at tamarin na ako na mag-artista.

I decided to just take the project due to the situation I was in. I really wanted to work.

A few months after, my manager decided to prepare me for the next screening.

I dyed my hair black and stayed home most of the time to preserve my image.

The screening took place in January. It really broke my heart when I received the letter of rejection. I was left puzzled along with my friends and relatives.

Even the other girls who joined were surprised that I wasn’t taken in. The only reason that we could possibly think of was my sexy image.

My manager and I decided to "clean up" my image. Good thing God heard my prayers and He blessed me with the Bench endorsement, a solo talk show (Secrets on ABC 5) and a chance to write for The STAR.

I know deep in my heart that I would do well, if given a chance to be a beauty queen.

And since I’m only 19, I still have five years to keep on trying. As of now, I’m doing my best to maintain an image necessary for a beauty pageant.

Oh, how I wish that someday the organizers would have enough faith in me and grant me a spot in their pageant. I can promise to put out my best. It would really be nice to be a Bb. Pilipinas.