Matrix recycled

My first complaint about Matrix Revolutions – the long-awaited end to the Wachowski Brothers’ sci-fi trilogy – is those sweaters. The people of underground Zion, bravely battling evil machines that control the Matrix, have been wearing the same ratty, threadbare sweaters for two movies now. They have the technology to build an underground city, pilot ships, create a defense force of motion-controlled robots, but nobody can hammer together a decent loom? When are the rebels going to get some new duds?

Anyway, those kinds of questions are necessary when watching Matrix Revolutions, just to stay awake. That’s because this has to be the dullest, most lifeless third chapter in movie history since – well, even Godfather III had more action.

It’s hard to think of another movie franchise that has been so betrayed and undermined by bad scripts and stiff acting. Wait, I have one: the new Star Wars trilogy. So maybe trilogies themselves are the problem. But most Tolkien fans are still holding out high hopes for the wrap up to the Lord of the Rings series (Anything has to be better than those slow-walking, slow-talking trees from the second movie.)

But no, the real problem with the Matrix franchise is that the Wachowskis clearly ran out of ideas after the original 1999 film. But since they set up Neo as "The One" in the first film, they had to stage an ultimate battle at some point, just so Neo could prove himself a savior. But all the little interesting details of the first film seemed to be an afterthought in the plodding Matrix Reloaded and Matrix Revolutions (both released this year).

There’s an unshakeable sense of déjà vu here, and it’s not just a glitch in the Matrix. The innovative special effects from the first movie now seem, sadly, a little passé. So the Wachowskis upped the ante in the second film with a mind-blowing highway chase. This time around, there’s a lengthy battle scene that just felt like a lot or hollow boom-boom-booming to this viewer. Design details seem ripped straight from James Cameron’s Aliens – from the rebels’ robot armor to the butch-looking ladies in military tank tops. Dialogue during this crucial battle scene runs along the lines of "Damn it!" and, occasionally," Goddamn it!"

This action scene would have been all right, if there had been a few decent ones leading up to it. But the first hour of Matrix Revolutions is impenetrably dull, with characters spouting philosophical points that may send Matrix fanatics into a tizzy but leave the average viewer wondering why they’re being forced to read Sophie’s World.

Part of the problem is that the Matrix itself — a virtual reality in which most of mankind is kept enslaved – is much more interesting than the grubby little hovel in which the rebels live. There, underground, most humans dwell in charmless pre-technological holes in the wall. Their love lives and dialogue seem mundane, clichéd – especially the love affair between Neo (Keanu Reeves) and Trinity (Carrie-Ann Moss) outlined in the second installment. Worse, their lives are overseen by a council of aging hippies. And their clothes are a disgrace.

Meanwhile, in the Matrix, at least you get to punch and fight like a video game character and dodge bullets in "bullet time" (or raindrops in "raindrop time" in the third installment). Yes, there’s nothing the Wachowskis won’t do to make things at least eyecatching in the Matrix – even duplicating Hugo Weaving’s evil Agent Smith character a couple thousand times.

On the downside, there is the rather tiresome Oracle (Mary Alice) to listen to, as she putters around her kitchen in the city projects baking cookies. On and on she rambles, about having to make choices or deciding to choose, or leaving choices for Neo to make on his own, or some such Oracular nonsense. As an action storyteller goes, the Oracle is a major drag.

But nobody really gets good face time in Matrix Revolutions. Neo spends most of his time on his back, inside the Matrix, or somewhere between it and the real world (represented as a strange, white subway environment run by a derelict called "The Train Man." Really, subways can only be this spotless in the Matrix). Trinity looks stiff and morose throughout the movie. And Morpheus (Laurence Fishburne)… ah, Morpheus. With his paunchy figure, bad complexion, ratty sweater and bald head, he now bears an uncanny resemblance to the cartoon character Shrek.

Then there’s the complete waste of Monica Bellucci and the intriguing villain Merovingian (Lambert Wilson) in a pointless throwaway scene. So you’re left with Jada Pinkett Smith as hotshot rebel pilot Niobe, with Morpheus riding side-saddle, his kung fu skills completely holstered this time around.

I might add a few things about the overbearing musical score (really, what happened to the cool techno music from the first Matrix? Now it’s all heavenly choirs and Carl Orff ripoffs), or the complete lack of humor in this sequel. The original served up lots of hip commentary on slacker lifestyles in a world turned corporate nightmare. The dialogue played off Neo’s disorientation as he discovered the secrets of the Matrix and his own powers. The two sequels severed the humor completely, leaving us with the dull, throbbing headache that is life in Zion, a place that many may question was worth saving in the first place. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if a number of Zion residents have little knitted samplers framed above their hovel entrances that read, not "Home Sweet Home," but "I Should Have Taken The Blue Pill."

But while some of the big questions do finally get answered in Matrix Revolutions, it may be too late for people to care. Still. I’ll ask them anyway: Will Zion ever defeat the evil Sentinels that threaten to take over their underground city? Will they ever find peace with, or without, the Matrix? And if peace is ever found, can they finally open a Gap Outlet and buy themselves some new damn sweaters?