Mikey’s latest action-comedy is rated ‘VFI’

Wilfredo Milan’s latest action movie Masamang Ugat (Viva Films) starring the First Son, Pampanga Vice Gov. Mikey Arroyo along with Eddie Garcia, Ace Vergel and Maui Taylor, attempts to launch Arroyo to full-fledged action stardom, but ends up becoming another fine sample of Pinoy celluloid camp, complete with slapstick acting and haphazard set blocking without these being the director and actors’ slightest intentions.

There are few things on which you can waste your time more forcefully than persevering through approximately 120 minutes of Masamang Ugat, a movie certainly in the running as among the year’s worst.

In fairness, Milan’s movie isn’t any more banal and humdrum than the usual action fare. Its unbelievable shootouts and FPJ-like punching bag exercises plus a corny love angle thrown in for good measure are all things we’ve seen before and perhaps done with a little more finesse and aplomb and less predictable plot.

Mikey plays a down to earth kenkoy but tough policeman out to fight drug traffickers and their rich patrons and uniformed protectors. During his childhood he is separated from his older brother (Ace Vergel), after their mother (Susan Africa) dies of possible TB shortly following the departure of their wife-beater of a father (Eddie Garcia).

Ace and Mikey never see each other again for a long while, at least not to Mikey’s knowledge. Truth is, they get to run into each other while saying a prayer or two in a discreet chapel, and only kuya Ace knows that younger bro is now an up-and-coming law enforcer and even knows Mikey’s cellphone number.

Meanwhile, Ace himself has become a topnotch hit man, the favorite of the powerful Don Ismael (Al Tantay) whenever he needs to take out a contract on someone.

As subplot, there’s ago-go dancer Maui Taylor as love interest for Mikey, and who deftly saves her virginity while milking for all their worth some Japanese customers. There’s also the brooding drug dealer (Victor Neri) with his sexy girlfriend (Gwen Garci), who gets oh so jealous when the dealer falls for Ace’s blind teenage daughter.

Confused enough? Wait, Eddie Garcia has resurfaced as some kind of cult head, whose haven is actually a front for a drug manufacturing plant.

Things get to a head when Mikey’s foster-father policeman gets to be collateral damage on the day before his retirement when hit man Ace takes out a drug witness on orders of Don Ismael. Then Ace’s blind daughter is kidnapped by Neri after housekeeper’s throat is slit, and Neri brings the girl to the cult haven of Garcia (who may be his dad after all) to say that this is the girl he is going to marry.

Garci on the other hand, vows vengeance and makes love to Ace (misery loves company and vice versa), sequences teasingly revealing nice breast exposures and, what do you expect, saxophone music (torotot) in the background.

The final showdown has that fratricidal shootout between and among (take your pick and not necessarily in order of disappearance) Garcia, Ace, Neri and Mikey. And just in case you’ve read this far and are revved up enough to go watch Masamang Ugat to find out who lives and who dies, we’re not saying anything more of this bloody ending.

Again, in fairness to Mikey, he is just carrying on the tradition of other first offspring who one way or another have found it necessary to indulge in showbiz.

Before him there was Kris Aquino, Jo Ramos and Jinggoy Estrada, all of them excellent purveyors of a rare form of satire a la Mikey.

Of course now that their parents are out of power, or sort of anyway, they can find time to bloom in their own light and can make controversial statements like having sex thrice a day and making batok another action star during a friendly sportsfest sponsored by none other than Kuya Germs.

Those who have been prodding the President to run next year for her own six-year mandate only have to watch Masamang Ugat to disabuse them of the notion. Imagine, another six years of movies like this and the kind of acting which, one kibitzer said, only a mother could love.

We could always steer clear of the moviehouses. But would it benefit Philippine cinema if the general run of movies through 2010 only fostered a culture of mediocrity and ended up being rated VFI, or very funny indeed?

All we can say is, bring on Synara Roco.