Of rats, locusts and PBA players

When I tuned in to the E channel recently and watched Wild On in the Philippines (actually shot in Boracay), I was amused no end when I saw its female American host (I forget her name at the moment) being egged on by a group of Binibining Pilipinas winners to eat balut. In the beginning, this American host was still willing to cooperate (but with her face contorted in all possible ways) – until she got to the part when she saw the tiny duckling (black feathers and all) stick out of the egg and she just totally freaked out and threw up her hands in surrender.

Goodness! To think that was only balut! Can you imagine what she would have done had she been offered even more exotic delicacies – and there are so many of these in the Philippines: bayawak (monitor lizard), ants’ eggs, locusts, frogs, rats (the dalagang bukid type) and even bats, which is turned into adobo.

So far, I’ve only eaten the bayawak, frogs and locusts. My first taste of bayawak was at the backstage of the now-defunct talk show, Martin After Dark, then in ABS-CBN.

If I’m not mistaken, one of the guests that time was Quezon City Vice Mayor Herbert Bautista and host Martin Nievera was urging him to eat bayawak. I think he only took a bite of that whole reptile and it was a rather huge one.

After the show, they just left the bayawak backstage – with everyone so repelled just looking at it (the tail admittedly wasn’t a pretty sight). Well, I happened to pass by on my way to the recording booth to do my voice-over spiels for Showbiz Lingo when I saw the bayawak laid out on a bed of banana leaves. I never had bayawak before, but had always wanted to try it and I thought this was finally my opportunity to taste it.

My verdict? It tasted like chicken – although with a tougher meat. The bayawak was actually barbecued and was smothered with barbecue sauce and quite delicious. I almost finished the whole reptile and was even tempted to bring home the leftover (the bones were intact – like a dinosaur in a science museum), except that I wanted to spare the people at home from the shock of waking up in the morning and seeing a reptile inside our refrigerator.

Incidentally, that was my first and last taste of bayawak because – if I’m not mistaken – it is now in the list of at risk or threatened species.

The locusts or camaru I tasted in Cabalen – over lunch with Korina Sanchez, Kata Inocencio and now Sen. Loren Legarda soaked in vinegar went well with rice.

As for the frogs, I’ve only eaten the legs (served in butter sauce) at this Quezon City restaurant called Taste of LA. Again, it tasted like chicken, but I’d still go for chicken anytime.

Last Wednesday, I watched – and I must say with gusto – the various segments shown in Jessica Soho Reports. One of the features was about the Pampangos’ camaru. Now, this has been done to death by the various travel shows, but the report of Jessica Soho was complete – from the catching of the locusts to its preparation and cooking and, of course, the eating part.

Pardon this ignoramus city-dweller, but I thought you catch the locusts from the tree. How the hell should I know? If I want locusts on my plate, I’d order it from the menu of Cabalen!

But thanks to Jessica Soho, at least, I know now that you catch locusts from the ground – in the muddy fields during the rainy season and you catch it one insect at a time.

And in this Pampango restaurant called Everybody’s Café, there is a member of the kitchen staff (actually a Bicolano), whose only job – and this is full-time – is to remove the insect’s legs.

The camaru dish (at P150 per serving) actually may be had all-year round never mind if locusts only come a-swarming during the rainy season because it’s something you can store in the freezer. At least, that I already knew even before I saw it on the Jessica Soho Report. But I’m still glad the program pointed out that one – for the benefit of the other viewers.

And then, there was also this other feature on another popular delicacy in Pampanga – the betute or stuffed frogs.

This Jessica Soho segment – comprehensive as always – began with the catching of the frogs. This is done at night- and during the rainy season when frogs are aplenty.

Poor frogs! It’s not even an instant death for them – for they are not spared from the pain and suffering of the fate that would befall them. Instead of killing them at once, the frog-catchers try not to bruise the body of these amphibians (the body has to be whole and in shape for the stuffing), and the only way to do this is to spear their legs.

Once caught, the frogs are strung through their legs on sticks and are sold in the public market. (They don’t die at once and this must make it more difficult for them because they’re hung upside down while they are on display.)

I’ve totally forgotten my biology and never got to dissect a frog (we never did in class), but I think the nerves of these amphibians are only rudimentary. But even then, they must still feel pain somehow. I don’t know. I’ve never been a frog, but neither have I been turned into a prince.

Earlier in the show, by the way, Jessica Soho also featured the embattled PBA players found positive of drugs. The controversy is still ongoing – although PBA commissioner Noli Eala is said to amenable to giving these players another chance to be retested for drugs.

For those who may be innocent but are being accused of being drug users, the pain must be unbearable. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather be speared in the legs just like those poor frogs than go through the pain of having your name sullied unfairly.

I’m telling you, there’s nothing easy in this world. Not for frogs. And neither for the princes of the hardcourt.