‘Bad hair’ day at the movies

Now isn’t exactly the best time to be watching movies – especially foreign films. Time Machine is disappointing. The story is flimsy, the direction is unexciting and the special effects are unimpressive. Only the production design is good here, but that is not enough to make up for the really bad aspects of the film.

The Count of Monte Cristo is still quite interesting although it pales in comparison to earlier versions (the first one in 1912 with Irish actor James O’Neil, father of playwright Eugene). In fact, the TV edition with Richard Chamberlain as Edmond Dantes and Tony Curtis as Mondego proves to be an even more comprehensive adaptation compared to this most recent production of this Alexander Dumas novel.

Below, let’s focus on two other foreign productions that opened recently in local theaters.

Evil Woman, which played in local movie theaters starting last week, was actually released in the United States way back in 2001 under the title Saving Silverman.

This film is about a group of friends – Jason Biggs (American Pie), Steve Zahn and Jack Black (Shallow Hal) – who have been together since fifth grade. What brings them together is their fanaticism for Neil Diamond and his music. Outside of their regular jobs, they sing together as a band called Diamonds in the Rough and they sing – but what else? – Neil Diamond tunes, complete with long-haired wigs, shimmering shirts and really tight pants, very much like what the rock star used to wear in his heyday.

Their deep friendship, unfortunately, is threatened when Jason Biggs takes in a girlfriend, Amanda Peet, who is a mean and manipulative psychologist. Since Steve and Jack are very much aware of the fact that Amanda doesn’t really love Jason (she only wants to control him), they hatch various plans on how to get rid of her – until they become so desperate, they kidnap her and lock her up in a basement. When the girl escapes, however, she turns the bungling duo in and proceeds to walk down the aisle with Biggs. Neil Diamond – fortunately – is summoned in and he saves the day.

The plot of Saving Silverman – or Evil Woman, as the local distributors want us to believe – borders on the incredulous or even ridiculous. But it’s a fun movie – in parts. Okay, in most parts.

One really hilarious moment is this scene where a group of nuns work out in a convent gym. Here, we see a septuagenarian Mother Superior pumping iron effortlessly while dispensing words of advice to a confused postulant (Amanda Detmer, who is in love with Jason Biggs). When Detmer leaves the nunnery to run after Biggs, we hear our dear Mother Superior cussing and swearing like an ill-mannered New York cab driver. Sacrilegious, but funny.

This film got a lambasting from most critics in the US when it opened there last year. Looking at it with a critical eye, I really have to say that its humor is terribly lacking in depth. But given the fact that there is nothing else to watch here in Metro Manila theaters (it’s vacation time, so distributors are hanging on to their properties until it’s time for the student population from the provinces to return to the city), I was already thankful to the almighty heaven (now, it’s me who is being sacrilegious) for giving me a small potato like Evil Wowan. In spite of its not-so-intelligent humor, I have to admit I don’t regret watching it. At least, I was amused. And most important of all, I was relaxed – considering the fact that my brains didn’t have to function at all while watching this film.

Besides, compared to Blow Dry (which opened last Wednesday), Saving Silverman/Evil Woman is an Academy Award winner.

If Saving Silverman/Evil Woman was an old release, I suspect Blow Dry to be even older. Worse, it dupes prospective moviegoers into believing it is a love story between youngsters Josh Hartnett and Rachael Leigh Cook, seen separately in Black Hawk Down and She’s All That. In Blow Dry, they are shown developing feelings for each other, all right. But this film is certainly no love story and no deep romance develops between the two young stars in the movie.

Set in the United Kingdom, the film is about a hair competition participated in by top salons in the country. It shows up to what extent catty hair stylists will do to upstage each other.

Unfortunately, I have this nasty suspicion that the writer of this film was probably having a bad hair day when he was writing the script and – as a result – was uninspired while doing so. And this is what we see on the screen.

If this film were a hairstyle, it could be likened to the work of a neophyte barber on the first day of his apprenticeship.

The story is bad, the characters are hopelessly unsympathetic and the direction is the most unimaginative you can imagine (figure that out). Even the scenes of hairstyling competitions are lacking in excitement.

The movie tries to inject humor in some parts, but these come out like limp hair that had too much conditioner.

Now, I don’t want to be splitting hair anymore about this movie. It’s totally useless for you to see this film about hair, anyway – unless you are apprenticing for Ricky Reyes.

The ugliness of this film is hair-raising, I’m telling you. So be warned. Watch this and you’ll end up pulling your hair.