Miss Congeniality is no match to Binibini - DIRECT LINE by Boy Abunda

Not that I’ve won any major beauty contest in the past. Not that I’m beautiful (I wouldn’t even make it to the screening level – but that’s OK) but like most everyone in this country, I consider the Bb. Pilipinas a major national event. And what fun it is to root for one’s bets and scream, lash at the judges and the world beyond when your favorite contestants are ignored. And what a therapeutic experience it is to watch in glee one contestant who looks like my favorite neighborhood gay cross-dresser or someone who found her way to the Binibini – after having been sent on an errand to buy a kilo of bawang at the Farmer’s Market. It’s so delicious to sit as judge in the comfort of your own home – feeling powerful and beautiful, like Cinderella’s wicked stepmother.

This year’s Binibining Pilipinas lived up to my wild, cruella expectations. It was exciting in some parts, boring in others but as a whole, it was another major experience for all beauty contest fanatics like me. The whole extravaganza opened with a montage of past winners. It was bland. Then, it segued to the entrance of the 26 Bb. Pilipinas candidates dancing with the Hotlegs. It was a clean, crispy opening salvo. Ruffa Gutierrez’s entrance was majestic. "Take your pick between 26 lovely candidates!" she declared. She should have said "among the 26 lovely candidates." But anyway, it was not Ruffa’s fault. Negligible. It was someone else’s. Good start – quick and easy. Most 26 candidates looked good. An excellent batch, I mulled. Last year’s winners entered and joined the whole company – I wished that this were their final walk instead of the traditional boring walk they do in beauty pageants. It remained to be seen though.

Ruffa came back, poised, beautiful, confident. She delivered her spiels like a precise sharp shooter as she introduced the swimsuit competition.

Then, Ding Dong Dantes and China Cojuangco appeared in an elevated stage reserved for anchors. Ding Dong was fine while China was, oh well – it was too early to whack her. I decided to wait and see, and gave the girl a chance.

The swimwear competition was nothing spectacular. Nothing that I haven’t seen in the past. Except that most of the girls looked good – better than the Subic Bay Free Port.

David Bunevacz was elegant and dashing as he announced the first set of special awards. The bespectacled guy beside David looked like his doting uncle, who has been a dedicated principal in the neighborhood elementary school. The gentleman from SGV looked prim and proper.

Ms. Photogenic didn’t look telegenic, according to Ryan Brusola, my nosy assistant. The Agfa representative made beso-beso with her. On the second beso, Ms. Photogenic had already turned away, leaving the second beso of the Agfa gentleman flying in the air. Contestants should be given tips on beso-beso to avoid little but unsettling mishaps like these. What if Bb. Pilipinas loses a sponsor because of a clumsily-done beso-beso?

Best in Swimwear winner, Candidate #. 10 Maricar Balagtas was deserving.

Ding Dong and China were back. Pretty China looked like she was on her way to someone’s JS prom party and was forced to help anchor the show. But it was too early to judge her – let’s give her more time, I convinced myself. After all, she’s not a professional host yet.

Ryan’s favorite were contestants #1, 3 and 12.

I liked contestant #20. Nancy, my housekeeper would organize a noise barrage if #7 wouldn’t win. She said she was the most beautiful.

Ding Dong and China were back again. China looked spaced out. Ding Dong was talking about Bb. Pilipinas Charities. China didn’t say anything. I was starting to feel for her. She looked like she didn’t like what she was doing. No, I thought. China was still warming up. I knew she will do better. Bettina Aspillaga, my Production Manager suspected that China had a sore throat. Then there was a commercial gap.

Ding Dong and China were back. China didn’t say anything again. I was starting to get bothered.

Ruffa introduced the members of the Bb. Pilipinas executive committee. Ruffa was still regal and refreshing.

Judges were introduced by a voice-over with Sec. Dick Gordon as chairman. Former Bb. Pilipinas winners were also acknowledged.

David was back with the Long Gown Competition. I liked contestants #10, #7 and #4. Contestants #12 didn’t know where to position her head. She was tilting it to the left and to the right. Thank God she didn’t rotate it. Contestant #20 came out in a gown by the Bb. Pilipinas Boutique – and she was stunning. She woke me up as I was starting to snore. I wanted more action. Contestant #24 glided in a fabulous Frederick Peralta gown. By the time #26 sashayed onstage, I was starting to be groggy. David looked fidgety and uncomfortable with the cue cards.

David and his uncle were back for another set of special awards. I decided to take a bath. I was starting to fall asleep. I can miss anything but not the Question and Answer portion. As I was in the bathroom, I heard #20 won the Ms. yehey Internet. What was that? I thought! Yehey! I rejoiced because she was my bet.

Since I was in the bathroom, Ryan reported that contestant #24 was 1st runner-up for Ms. Talent. Ms. Friendship was Candidate #4. He intentionally forgot the other winners.

Ruffa was back in a stunning and revealing gown as she announced the Best in Long Gown – Contestant #9. I disagreed with the choice. I wanted either #20 or #7 to win. Oh well, it was still a long way to go.

Next was the announcement of the 10 semi-finalists and they were Contestants #7, 4, 19, 22, 26, 21, 8, 12, 10 and 15. I went ballistic. What happened to my #20? (To be concluded)