A.S.A.P.

Is ABS-CBN's Sunday show A.S.A.P. really folding up (as persistent rumors have it these past several weeks)?

The sad/bad news is that, yes, it's true that A.S.A.P. might fade out soon and, in the process, heads "will roll" and some of the show's many hosts might have to go (so sorry, that's how the TV cookie sometimes crumbles -- win some, lose some; hurt some, spare some).

But the good news is that an entirely new show will replace A.S.A.P., as early as the following week after A.S.A.P. has its farewell edition. In short, it will be just like A.S.A.P. and the only difference is that we might not be seeing the old familiar faces we've been seeing Sunday after Sunday after Sunday these past years.

Now, which hosts will be axed (as I've said, "heads will roll") and which hosts will be retained?

Well, we will know A.S.A.P. (As Soon As Possible).

What could be the reason for the drastic, uh, "reformatting" (a polite word for "replacing") the supposedly top-rating Sunday show (among whose hosts are Richard Gomez, Zsa Zsa Padilla, Martin Nievera, Pops Fernandez and guys/gals from the ABS-CBN Talent Center)? Is it over-crowded with hosts (commanding high-paying salaries)? Has it become much too predictable for comfort?

The Funfare DPA at ABS-CBN says, "No comment," adding that "it's all part of the station's new re-programming thrust."

You've heard about the "dressing room incident" involving MTB hosts Willie Revillame and John Estrada, with "minor" co-host Bayani Agbayani dragged into the mess, haven't you?

Reports said that Bayani was "slighted"/"insulted" when Willie "barred" Bayani from entering and/or using the MTB dressing room, leaving him out in the corridor.

But a Funfare DPA (as in Deep Penetration Agent, for the benefit of Funfare's Internet readers abroad) exonerated Willie by saying that it was actually John Estrada who politely and very nicely told Bayani not to use the dressing room "only on Saturdays" when several females (guests and show hosts) are scrambling over one another to have their make-up done or their hair "blowered." Could Bayani (and the Tatlong Itlog) use some other dressing room. "Only on Saturdays?"

"Maganda naman ang pakiusap ni John," added the Funfare DPA. "Hindi offensive."

But then, it got into the attention of a movie columnist who immediately wrote about it, "condemning" Willie for being so "mean."

"Willie has nothing to do with the 'dressing room incident'," said the DPA. "Wala siyang kasalanan. It wasn't even John's fault because he was, as I've said, very nice and very polite nang pagsabihan niya si Bayani."

Okay now, is the dressing room ready?

The 23rd Gawad Urian of the Manunuri will be held tonight at the University of the Philippines Theater (to be covered "live" by RPN-9).

As usual, Funfare is making its "fearful" forecast on who the winners might be in the major categories (which, I guess, would be dominated by bold actors/actresses).

There would be "ties," for sure, since the Gawad Urian is noted (notorious?) for having twin winners specially in the major categories, which is not a sign of indecisiveness but a tribute to both nominees who deserve to win.

Here are Funfare's predictions:

* Best Actress -- Ana Capri (Pila-Balde) and Elizabeth Oropesa (Bulaklak ng Maynila)

* Best Actor -- Lester Llansang (Saranggola) and Christopher de Leon (Bulaklak ng Maynila)

* Best Supporting Actress -- Ynez Veneracion (Sa Paraiso ni Efren)

* Best Supporting Actor -- Leonardo Litton (Burlesk King) or Pen Medina (Muro-Ami)

* Best Director -- Mike de Leon (of course!) for Bayaning 3rd World

* Best Picture -- Bayaning 3rd World (of course!)

The show, according to Agustim "Hammy" Sotto, Manunuri chairman and founding president of the Society of Film Archivists, will pay tribute to comedy.

The opening number will be performed by the Apo Hiking Society. Ciarra Sotto, Antoinette Taus, and Cris Villonco will perform a "pasa doble." The tribute to the Filipino musical comedy will be staged by Keempee de Leon, Roselle Nava, Jessa Zaragosa, Richard Merk, and Ali Sotto. Homer Flores will play on the grand piano to back up a duet by Pops Fernandez and Lani Misalucha.