Boys for Men

Several years back, we were shooting a movie in the Manila harbor area. We had already done a couple of scenes since the shoot began at mid-morning when the production manager had to announce a break. The two child actors who were scheduled in the next scene were not there yet.

My production assistant was quick to bring me coffee in a styro cup. The production manager then approached us with an apologetic face. The kids, she explained, were coming straight from school, as classes had just opened the day before, and might have been caught in the usual terrible Manila traffic.

The delay did not bother me at all. The next scene was to be taken at night anyway, and the sun was just setting. My assistant director was at hand to immediately rehearse the young actors when they come, while the required makeup and costume were simple and could be done fast.   

Before I could finish my coffee, the kids arrived, boys between eight and nine, each bent under a backpack of books. They were catching their breaths as they came forward to kiss my hand in courteous greeting, at the prompting of their mothers. Then, they were off to one side with the assistant director and the costume and makeup crew.

The mothers would not leave my side. Their smiling faces solicited a conversation with me, like there was something I just had to know about their boys. But then I got occupied with various concerns from the rest of the crew.

Not to be put aside, the two women soon started chatting between themselves. They sounded so spirited that even with the harbor noise, their voices still prevailed. One woman asked if the other’s boy could come to their house by the weekend so the kids could play and bond together.

They had a lot at home for the boys to enjoy, the first woman assured. Her son was complete with the latest gadgets, all acquired with his income from TV projects. She would always peddle her boy to talent agencies, to get him booked for some job.   

The other woman quickly declined, citing numerous things for her boy to do. On Saturday he had voice lessons in the morning, swimming and karate classes in the afternoon and math tutorial in the evening. On Sunday, he had a stage play rehearsal the whole day.

I couldn’t help overhearing the chitchat. Well, they succeeded in catching my attention. But not quite in the way they probably intended. I was more astonished than impressed.

Those little boys almost certainly still wet their beds at night and they were already being prematurely dragged into a world of adult pressures. They were under pressure – like the majority of today’s children – to be smart, to be popular, to be stars. They were expected to work hard, compete fiercely and come out the best.

I am afraid of the possible consequences when children are made to assume grown-up goals very early on. Already, we have kids that act like grown-ups but could not even tie their own shoelaces. Childhood, to me, means more time for playing than for working hard.

To some extent, yes, children have to learn to live under pressure. And children have a tremendous natural capacity to learn and to cope. However, while it is important to encourage the child to accept competition as a fact of life, it must be done gradually, generously allowing the child to gain enough strength to stand under each additional new pressure.

As young people are subjected to adult pressures, they begin to view themselves as adults. So, they do things that adults do. Sex is one of those.

True enough, after our movie shoot that night one of my two little actors braggingly whispered to me that he already had a girlfriend in school. He had already kissed her twice, he said, and they were going to get married soon. And it was only the second day since he met her!

To push the child beyond his natural limits – to be brilliant beyond his capabilities, to excel beyond his talents, to do tasks that drain him of vital energies – can break the child. It is cruel, no matter what good intentions lie underneath. The child may only altogether lose any interest to pursue the bright life that we adults want for him.