Getting FAT this Christmas

I have been sounding like a broken record for more than five years as I kept on repeating the process on how to lose weight, the importance of being fit and having a healthy lifestyle. So for the first time, I will give some tips on how to get FAT.

Yes! You got that right; I will give you everything you need to know on how to get FAT this Christmas season.

Tips like, never use the stairs and always use the elevator or escalator even if you are traversing only one floor up or down.

Buy the hover board or skate board you have always dream off and use it to go around the mall.

Brisk walking is not good because it will burn calories. If you need to buy some stuff even if it is very near, use your motorcycle or car and drive to the nearest destination to save and preserve those precious calories. Remember the lesser you move the lesser calories you burn.

Try to binge on your next meal if you have skipped your first one. It is okay not to eat your breakfast as long as you have a big lunch, snack, dinner and midnight snack. Don’t eat in moderation, eat like it’s your last meal, blessings does not come always in a silver platter.

If you are a morning person, there are local delicacies like the puto maya and tsokolate and add three spoons of sugar to make that bitter taste disappear.

And if puto maya is not your thing there are countless of bakeshop. Don’t get the wheat or sugar free bread. Most bake shops has siakoy or its’ equivalent to the deep fried doughnut top with sugar sprinkles, choco crinkles or cup cakes that are packed with more calories in every bite compared to lechon.

Speaking of lechon, a Christmas party is never complete without that crispy, yummy dish.

Lechon skin is the best part and especially if it is super crispy. Please don’t scrape of the fat underneath the skin. It is the best part! And if you are home cooking your own lechon make it a point to prepare a bowl and a glass, because every time you turn the lechon around the oil will leak out. Save the oil in the glass and this oil has all the flavors packed from all the herbs, salt, spices and MSG which gave flavor and aroma of the lechon.

 Save all the oil and use it as sawsawan or simply mixed it with your rice.

And who cannot escape the famous delicacy of Mandaue that is the ‘masareal’ and ‘bibingka’ with its main ingredients coco milk, sugar, butter etc.

During Christmas parties or buffets, avoid drinking water, cream soup or getting rice. Also avoid drinking those fruit shakes at the start and save them for the last part.

 Having them before the start of the buffet will make you full faster and you can’t maximize your intake. Skip the salads and go directly to the main dish such as the ribs, pizza, pasta, humba, pork belly, crispy pata and more.

 I would suggest to those that deep fried foods will make you fat really fast.  Fried chickens, tempuras, french fries, ngohiong, fish balls are just examples of deep fried dishes.

Try to avoid the grilled section or steam meat. Also avoid vegetables because they contains most of  the nutrients your body need and might speed up your metabolism. But if you really fancy vegetables or salad make sure to pour in as much dressing, cheese and top it with bacon bits!

Don’t drink black coffee they have almost zero calories in them. Order the blended coffee that is topped with tons of syrup and cream.

After dinner or lunch buffet, make sure to head to the dessert section. Dessert has the most calories per square inch in a buffet restaurant.

Go for those hard and compact desserts like chewy cakes and not those chiffon cakes that are usually large, fluffy, and full of air and does not have enough calories per servings.

 When you grab the brownies or chocolate cakes, always top it with ice cream and maybe add chocolate syrup. Milk shakes or chocolate shakes with whipped cream are also a good way to stock up those calories.

Alcohol beverages are also perfect for gaining weight. A can of beer is around 160 calories and it helps slowing down your metabolism. Bar hopping is also good way to make you fat aside from drinks always order the “chichiraya” or “pika-pika.”

Getting fat is easy just follow everything I mentioned above and to keep you always motivated not to work out or exercise always keep this excuses on your mind “I am tired”, “it’s too cold or hot,” “it’s too early or late,” “naa koy lakaw,” “gisugo ko sa balay,” “pasayuhon ko ug uli” or the all time famous excuse “I am very busy.”  Make any or all these excuses then you are on your way to becoming a FAT person this Christmas.

Life is short, make most out of it. Eat, drink, be happy and never exercise. It is bad for your good health. Merry Christmas