Swingers

CEBU, Philippines -  While the Catholic Church is busy block-ing the passage of the controversial Reproductive Health (RH) Bill because it does not conform to its teachings, another possible cause of problems in the family and in the morality of its followers is brewing. There is a growing number of Filipinos who are now into swinging.

Swinging or partner swapping, as defined by Wikipedia, as a “non-monogamous behavior, in which singles or partners in a committed relationship engage in sexual activities with others as a recreational or social activity.” According to Wikipedia, this phenomenon became popular during the sexual revolution in the 1960s, reportedly made prevalent at that time by the presence of contraceptives.

To this day, the swinging population has grown reportedly due to the emergence of social networking sites, said clinical psychologist Anna Katrina Oaminal-Watin. They may be discreet about it, but if you Google “swingers” and “Cebu”, in just 0.34 seconds, at least 177,000  results will appear on your screen, and these include swingtowns.com, theadulthub.com, among many others. There is also a Cebu Swingers Club in Facebook, albeit with only 44 members.

But there should be nothing to worry about with the presence of such a group, except for the health of these people, according to Oaminal-Watin. She said swingers should not be treated as people with sexual disorders, as what they do is just part of their adventurous side, the same way as other people get ecstatic by eating their favorite food, driving a new car, or bungee-jumping from a 100-foot bridge.

“A human being’s sexual preference and appetite is as diverse as his any other appetite,” she said. This should explain why the public should not treat differently those who are having the out-of-the-ordinary sex life, she added. Oaminal-Watin is currently doing research on this subject, and from what she has gathered so far based on the swingers she has interviewed, she said there is no direct adverse effects of partner swapping into the personal or professional lives of the people who engage in such activities.

“Not all diverse are deviation. This is just an unusual lifestyle and sexual preference,” she explained. She, however, said that there could be “repercussions” to it, especially with the advent of technology. She said it is actually what most of the swingers fear, being caught on video or photographed while doing the act, and it gets uploaded in the Internet and viewed by others. The swingers she has interviewed are 45 years old and below, mostly professionals, who have children. 

Oaminal-Watin classified swingers into two groups: the elite or those who travel and meet their swinging partners; and those from the working class, who, because of financial constraint, just get their partners from their own community. She explained that the rich couples, who are mostly professionals like physicians and teachers, also find adventure in meeting strangers but willing partners from other places, that they really have to spend for that “adrenalin rush.”  She said most of these swingers are married couples, while some are common-law partners or those who are in a committed relationship. 

But while they differ in their financial status, Oaminal-Watin said they all want to protect their secret adventures from their families. “You can’t really tell the sexual preference by just looking at people. These people are just like us, they work during the day, and have sex during the night, or not at all,” she said.

Oaminal-Watin said swingers are choosy when it comes to their swinging partners, which are usually made through referrals from a friend or from websites. Swinging partners, she said, have to be “acceptable.” Once swingers have agreed to meet, they then decide to fly to whichever agreed location, she said.

Swinging is an “expensive lifestyle,” Oaminal-Watin said, but added that there is “nothing illegal” with swinging, as first it is just a lifestyle, albeit different from what is normally viewed as the ordinary, and that there are no minors in it.

The problem Oaminal-Watin sees is the public’s treatment towards sex, which, even in today’s modern society, is still considered taboo. “We rarely talk about sex even if we keep on thinking about it,” she said. Because of this, she said swinging will remain a “very confidential phenomenon for a long time.”

The psychologist, however, appealed that swingers should not be treated like bad eggs in society or blamed for a tragedy like what happened in Guinsaugon, Southern Leyte. Allegedly, locals blamed the swingers in their community for that 2006 landslide, which killed hundreds.

Health Risks and Other Effects

James, 26, not his real name, said he started engaging in group sex when he was in first-year high school. He was 13 then. In an interview with The FREEMAN, James said it was just “out of curiosity” when he tried it for the first time with his nine male classmates - five straight boys, and five gays including himself. They were preparing for a school performance one night when, out of the blue, the straight boys got kinky with their homosexual classmates. James recalled they did the “trip to Jerusalem” style where the boys sit and wait as their gay counterparts take turns in doing the act. James said the session lasted for four hours.

James, who now works in a call center, shared that at first he did not like the idea, although he was a bit excited to try it with his classmates. After that session, he admitted he wanted to do it again. His first real swinging engagement came two years after. It was New Year’s Eve and they were in the living room of their house drinking with friends, two were couples including him and his boyfriend, and the rest were his guests.

While he and his partner were making out, he noticed one of his guests touching his boyfriend. He recalled that he did not feel jealous at all and even felt a different kind of satisfaction.

“At first it felt awkward. But as we went along, seeing my boyfriend being touched by another person just drove me wild,” James said. Since then James said he could no longer count the times he had sex in groups. He admitted being promiscuous in college, while in search for satisfaction, which, he said, he gets in group sex or swinging. Gay websites and text messaging have also made his adventures easier, as these are where he usually meets his partners, whether locals or foreigners.

With the countless sexual partners he has had, James admitted he rarely got scared of getting sick. The turning point was when some of his friends got inflicted with sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). During his senior year in high school, he became an advocate for HIV/AIDs awareness. Then he started using condoms, he said.

Oaminal-Watin said that apart from being discovered by their family, swingers face health risks, especially that some of them even travel to other places just to meet with other couples. Since most of these people just met online, they are basically strangers.

In July this year, Cebu City ranked second to Metro Manila for having the most number of HIV/AIDS patients. From 2010 to midyear of 2012, there were 532 patients with HIV in Cebu City. The Cebu City Health Department (CCHD) records show that injecting drug use (IDU) is the common cause of the virus transfer, with 161 cases in 2010, 113 in 2011 and 102 this year. Sexual transmission comes second with 16 in 2010, and 31 and 14 in 2011 and 2012, respectively. Dr. Ilya Tac-an, epidemiologist and head of the HIV/AIDS Detection Unit of CCHD revealed that the male-to-male partnering is the usual cause of HIV/AIDS infection. Tac-an reminded the public that it is difficult to spot a person with HIV or AIDS, thus her office recommends the use of condoms.

Oaminal-Watin said as long as the person’s personal or professional life is not affected by his sexual activities, no after-sex distress, then there is nothing wrong with swinging. The couples interviewed by Oaminal-Watin have reportedly high satisfaction with their jobs, which can possibly be traced to their sexual activities.

For James, a sexually-loaded night means a hard day at work. “It’s difficult to focus at work when you had very little sleep. And sometimes I would rather leave work early for an exciting sexual escapade. This may give me satisfaction, but it negatively affects my work performance,” he said. He added that even when he was still in school, he missed an exam or skipped a class because of this kind of sex life.

“There are negative and positive effects. Positive, because you get to try what you want. Negative in the sense that you can lose your job, or worse, get sick,” James said.

Swinging in other countries…

Oaminal-Watin said she does not see swinging becoming prevalent in the Philippines just yet, unlike in other countries. She added that swinging groups will remain anonymous for now not because swinging is illegal in the eyes of the law but because people are afraid of what others may think of them. Legally, there is also no fear of getting jailed because of swinging, as it is done with the consent of all those who are involved, she said.

It is, however, a different case in Texas, USA, wherein a teacher, just this August, was sentenced for five years imprisonment for performing group sex with her students. Brittni Colleps’ sex crimes were videotaped, thus her conviction.

In Florida, two swingers were arrested after beating their partners. When cops arrived during the melee, some of the guests and the suspects were still intoxicated and naked.

In New Delhi, a businessman was arrested for allegedly forcing his wife to have sex with others including his family members and a business partner. The wife alleged that it has been going on for the last four years of their married life. The suspect and his family members were charged for rape, criminal intimidation, among others.

Swinging and morality

Rev. Fr. Tito Soquino, OSA, of the Basilica del Sto. Niño was surprised to hear about swingers in the country and in Cebu. Soquino said the Bible says that sex is only for procreation and the body being the “temple of the Holy Spirit,” should not be desecrated.

Msgr. Achilles Dakay, who heads the family apostolate of the Archdiocese of Cebu, echoed Soquiño’s statement, adding that what is “evil” should not be allowed to prosper. He said that getting satisfaction from something that is not morally upright should not be tolerated.  “Sayop, sayop. Atong tuyo diri dili ra ang satisfaction. What is considered evil should not be tolerated,” he said. 

Oaminal-Watin said that from a clinical psychologist’s point of view, a person can only become complete “if he has explored his sexuality.” Sex may be a socially unacceptable subject, but, quoting an Austrian neurologist, she said, ”Every behavior, every human action is because of a motivation for sex.” She said controlling a person’s sexuality may result into a disorder like in the case of “Jack the Ripper,” a serial killer from the Whitechapel district of London in 1888. Jack, who was blamed for the murder of female prostitutes in the area, was later on found out to have been allegedly unsatisfied with his sex life, reportedly because of his small penis. Hence, he vented his anger on the women he mutilated. 

“In the present life, we normally hear a husband berate his wife for something as petty as cold coffee. A sour morning, which could be blamed for what happened the night before. In Jack the Ripper’s case, his aggression turned to killing,” Oaminal-Watin said. “The way we look at it, sex has an effect in everything we do. The lack or the none of it,” she added. —/QSB (FREEMAN)