Growth

I suppose there are some people who were born with an adventure gene written into their DNA. I’m not one of those people. I like staying in the sidelines and being safe. So I’ve thrived in the structure of the traditional school – one where I was pushed to try new things but where I still felt safe.

But for things that are not part of that structure, I find it difficult to try something new. I’ve noticed that as I’ve grown older, I’ve had fewer things to try. I’m not even talking about trying extreme sports like skydiving and bungee-jumping or life altering decisions like moving to different cities. I’m talking about the usual things like meeting new people, starting a class, taking a new hobby and trying out a new restaurant.

One of my biggest fears is that as I grow older, I’ll stop growing. That I’ll stagnate or that I’ll be one of those people that others refer to as rigid or uncompromising (hopefully, they don’t do so now!). So when they say that in order for us to grow, we need to try something that scares us once each day, I challenge myself to do so. Not every day but every once in a while I force myself to try something new. Maybe I’ll buy a dress in a color I don’t usually pick or arrange to travel alone or take up a new class.

When I do go through those things, I often feel some mild anxiety and up until the last minute, I’d waver between pushing through with it or not. I’d make a list of things that could go wrong. I tell myself that it’ll be so easy to cancel anyway and I can always try again another time.

But when I push past my insecurities, I chalk up a small victory for myself. And it makes me feel strong and in some way fully alive.

Being an adult means taking responsibility for myself and my own growth. I stop blaming my parents, my background, my genetics, my childhood traumas and really start owning the fact that with God’s grace, I can heal;  I can overcome; and if I open myself, I never really lose the opportunity to keep growing.